Monday, July 16, 2012

Equal Parts

This weekend while it was pouring down rain and I parked my butt in front of the TV, I was pondering. You know what happens when I do that. My mind goes crazy. I mean you can only watch so many episodes of Ghost Whisperer before you start thinking there's crap hidden in your closet. 

I got to thinking about man versus woman. Now before you start disagreeing this is my take on this. If you believe your are equal. Yahoo! But I don't believe that woman can do everything a man can do or should do. 

For instance, why would I want pee standing up? Further more why would I want a protruding one eyed wonder horse exiting my body? God gave me the ability to do squats. Which I should be doing 25 of by the way instead of writing this post. So what if I can't write in the snow. One up for the women.

Second, is it really a mans job to mow the grass? Females may disagree but I think so. I hate to even smell the fresh cut grass. I get snot bubbles and my eyes swell up. But there is something a man loves about mowing down weeds. It gives them empowerment to own a riding device with a blade. I think they could secretly have hidden serial killer instincts. My Duh sees a dandelion and puts the mower in high gear at speeds that only tractor trailer trucks should have just to mow over a weed with fuzzy things on the end. Then of course this killing device has to have its own home that I get to pay for and it stays there rent free just so the elements of the earth don't destroy it. Sometimes, I think if I didn't know who John Deere was, he was having an affair.

When you go out dancing the man is always the lead. I've done some country two steppin' in my day. And it would probably look pretty funny twirling around a guy in cowboy hat. I am pretty certain that I couldn't pick him up twirl him around and swing him through my legs successfully. But to a guy that's the greatest achievement. It's like a male cheerleader. Why wouldn't they try out for that rather than football? Football players get the shit knocked out of them and all for what? Seven measly points. A male cheerleader gets to put his hand up the girls butt, halfway to the crotch, watch their ass jiggle during the fight song and before the nights over a possible tit shot. As a woman, I don't want to put my hand on anything that I know excludes poop the size of tree logs or expels enough gas to cause a nuclear war. 

I like being a woman. If you ask me its the greatest thing since sliced bread. I don't have the great urge in the boiling heat to mow the grass if someone else is going to volunteer. I can say no to a cowboy who's stuffed his package so tight into his pants that there's a cowboy cha cha going on in his Wranglers on its own, and I would rather not stand behind a guy that can do a toe touch for one hour every Saturday during the fall season when I can watch some guy on the field in tight pants bend over with chips and dip in the comfort of my own living room. 

Believe me I am good with not being an equal in some parts of this great big world. 

Happy Monday,
Dusty






22 comments:

  1. i agree with you!
    i met some feminists and i must say, why would they preach that???

    i'm okay with not being an equal in some parts because you know, you still want your man to fix things in the house and open the door for you, not otherwise for simple reason

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  2. I also hate the smell of fresh cut grass! [ i thought it was only me :) ]

    I would love for you to be a part of the blogger sample swap! >> more info >> http://ow.ly/cfU6G

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  3. I agree with you, and personally I don't really want to do the things that men can do sometimes. I mean I'm all for girl power, but there's a line in my eyes. I hope I didn't just push womankind back 40 years.

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  4. Bahaha! I completely agree! There are differences between men & women for a reason- even if majority of those reasons boil down to the fact men just don't look sexy doing it!

    XOXO
    Cyn

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  5. totally agree. Even having a period (the worst part about bein a chick) gives me an excuse to watch girly movies and cry and eat my weight in junk food and not be judged. Why give that up?

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  6. I completely agree! Just like there are things that he can/wants to do that I don't, there are plenty of things I do that he would rather not. Yes, I can kill spiders but why should I if there is a perfectly capable guy on hand to do it for me?

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  7. It is Andy's job to kill the bugs, cut the grass, and lug the trash. I do most of the cooking and cleaning. It's pretty darn traditional and I like it that way.

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  8. Haha, I'm totally with you on this! I would not be caught dead outside mowing the lawn. First of all, that mower is probably twice my size and second, I'd have to wear knee high socks to prevent the inevitable bug bites. My husband has been trying to convince me he needs a riding mower and that he needs to build himself a shed... whatever. I don't care, as long as my lawn looks nice and I get my walk-in closet, mow away.

    xo, Yi-chia
    Always Maylee

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  9. Totally agree. I know some annoying people who's life ambition is to prove women and men are EXACTLY the same, biology be damned. They made me teeter over to conservative lol.

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  10. This is perfect. You are so wise! I love making my guy do the guy stuff. Why should I have to take out the trash?

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  11. Truer words have never been spoken! Why cut the grass if we don't have to? Why have to lift all manner of heavy objects if we don't have to? Let the men do the dirty work. I'll give them all the credit and kudos and ass kissing they want in exchange for someone to do the heavy lifting and take out the trash. :)

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  12. We are definitely not equal parts in our house.

    I basically just pretend I can't do anything in the house.
    I kind of like it that way.

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  13. Jon and I often have random conversations about what we love about being a guy/girl and I always say I would hate being a guy because if you're unattractive, there is no hope! Girls can wear makeup haha. I do believe we are equal but like you, think there are many things guys should do and many things girls should do!

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  14. I like being a girl, I really do. I don't think I could handle having a dongle, but man I would LOVE to be able to stand up and pee. No more hunting for a gross gas station bathroom....the WOODS are now your toilet.

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  15. I am terrible at mowing. I decided to try mowing my mom and her boyfriends lawn once and her boyfriend had to mow again after I left. I was proud of myself though.

    When I come to Nashville, we are going out line dancing!

    I was a cheerleader in college and it always amazed me that people would call male cheerleaders gay. I mean seriously, what guy would want to put his hand on a girls butt and get to look up her skirt?!

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  16. I'm pretty glad I don't have any dangly parts. That would be so inconvenient, just hanging there all the time...

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  17. Totally agree- while some parts of being a woman suck (pap smears, periods and child birth...ugh!) there is so much that I love that I just wouldn't want to trade! ha ha

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  18. I am woman here me ROAR!!! If I were a man, I would totally be gay! ;) And you so need to come babysit my girls and teach them a thing or too!!! Bhahaha!

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  19. Could you imagine running with those things just gyrating in the wind? I would think that would slow guys down. I'm fine with not being equal to my husband with some things. Since he's stronger than I am he should totally bring all the groceries in and do all the heavy lifting. That's all I'm saying... I am a delicate flower after all.

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  20. I love being a woman. If I don't have to, I'll never mow the lawn, pull weeds, take out the trash, wash the car, etc etc. Hell NO (H20) lol

    xoxo
    Tab

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  21. I too love being a woman. I used to be a little more femi equal rights rahrahraaa, but as I age.. I like and embrace the differences between womanhood and manhood more and more. Tho I do think that we should all make the same amount of money for the same job well done.

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  22. Nuclear wars... Ammon would tell you that I could start one. That boy, on the other hand, farts the least out of anyone I know. Sometimes I wonder if we got the gender roles mixed up in our household.

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