Negligent Slobicide

Life Report states:

The Victim: Mom, 40 …aka Dusty, baby, honey, maid, lover, wifey, brown hair, 5’4”, 120 pounds, has full time job from 7:30 to 4:30.

Scene of the Crime:  brown house in Tennessee

Date: Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, 2011

As reported by Mom aka Dusty (see above). Upon entering the house Monday night the victim notices black shirt, socks on floor, house shoes scattered, two separate coffee cups half full with un-drank coffee (no need to swab for DNA), butter tub and jelly jar on counter, 4 english muffins missing from bag of six (should file a separate report on that), unmade bed, furry dog hair from lazy guard dog, a Lab known as Mille, fork on nightstand, Mt. dew cans; one located on coffee table, the other on stove, no toilet paper replaced on empty toilet paper stand, people magazine in middle of bathroom floor, and hunting equipment setting on dining table.

Further into the night, after cleaning up the events above with a pretty good idea of who the unsub #1 could be. She notices spilled chicken noodle soup, five gummy wrappers scattered throughout the house, three juice pouches; one placed on the cabinet, one tipped over leaking on the table and the other flat as a pancake lying in the bedroom floor. As she moves through the house she finds, two socks, one pair of jeans thrown on the floor in the spare bedroom, tighty whitey underwear drug into the bathroom probably by worthless guard dog number 2, Lab named Libby, popsicle wrapper on floor by trash can, and toys scattered throughout.

After an endless night of cleaning, tired and ready for bed, she washes her face, applies wrinkle cream, sets to use the potty and yes, that’s right -  pee on the toilet seat. Unsub #2 obviously has left a nice wet calling card for the victim, in which to disgrace and deface.

Wanted:

Unsub #1 – Male, 39 known as Dad aka…Chad, honey, baby daddy, provider, pool boy, handyman, jackass

Unsub #2 – Male, 6 known as Son aka…Ian, pooka bear, poo poo head, Damn it Ian

Crime as charged: Negligent Slobicide.

Mom states she works her baggetts off, comes home, cooks, cleans, tends to dogs, does laundry and is worn out. She states she lives with slobs! Two of the male species known as slobs. Let me repeat, SLOBS! The charges, if found guilty (which I am pretty sure this is a slam dunk case); perpetrators will be sentenced to no breakfast on Saturdays, full day of shopping with mom as punishment, and STRIKE.

Shut the front door you say? That’s right Strike! Keep it up and you’re going to have no cookies cooked for school functions, no dishes washed, no clean underwear, and no toilet paper to wipe your asses.

I, Dusty, do solemnly swear that all of the facts stated in the above fake affidavit are true.

Wanted!

Dad: Negligent Slob

Son: Negligent Slob

 

 

What if?

Yesterday, I was setting in our bi-weekly marketing meeting and after explaining the ins and outs of the marketing report to seven other individuals (men species) who didn't give a crap about what I had to say. I started to daydream. Yes, its a trade off really. The men species do not care what I do as long as they don't have to do it and I don't give a rats patooty what they do as long as they give me their monthly marketing results. We work well together..really truly. So, as the Charlie Brown teacher voice started to override what was being said, I thought to myself..hmmm, all this corporate protocol is over rated. The business suits, ties, the button up oxfords, A-line pencil skirts, pearls and for what? These people only care about the free lunch I ordered and when can I go back to my desk to eat my chocolate chip cookie that was in my lunch box, so everyone doesn't think I am a pot bellied pig after eating a double decker club sandwhich.

So in my daydream I went to the land of Hoboken. I am obsessed with Hoboken. I have never been there, only know it's in New Jersey, but I love to say it. Everyone say it with me.. HO-BO-KEN! See isn't it fun? I remember as a kid one of my family members used to say when you asked where something was, "I don't know where its at, somewhere in Hobokenland." I thought it was ficticious until I learned its a real place. Kind of like B.F.E. but we know that's really far away. Anyhoot, I was thinking, I wonder what they would do if I showed up in this to give a major power point presentation, talking about strategic planning, our marketing areas and client type and how we are going to retain their services....

Let's start with this jacket

via 

with this FANTAB t shirt

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Put on these happening jeans

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slip on

Free People wedges

which are on sale by the way

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add this bag

Is a STEAL!

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with my hair

in this rocking pony tail with the bangs
I am contemplating
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Walk in and say, "Good morning, gentlemen, My name is Dusty, that's Mrs. Alley to you (insert Janet Jackson music here)!" I think, they would take me seriously, after all I am secretly from Hoboken.

Dusty

linked up the pleated poppy,rolleduppretty

DIY - Boho Jewelry Board

I have been in dire need of a new jewelry box or a bigger one. My son had this old chalk board that once was in my kitchen. So, I guess you could say it's been recyled now for the third (and final time). I have been wanting to do something with it, so I decided to make a jewelry board out of it. Thanks to my sweet mom for giving me a gift certificate to the local craft store for my birthday because I knew just what I wanted to do. I think it turned out fantabulous.

The Stuffs

Painted brown

Hot glued fabric to cork squares

(my board isn't perfectly square. I (my lovey) had to cut pieces to fit)

I liked this fabric, it felt vintage to me

And wait for it....

 Ta-Da!

It would have took me about 3 hours, but I was doing about four other things at the time. I start something, then go to another, etc. I think they have a name for that condition, but I hate to self diagnose. I glued the buttons to push pins, snipped the ends and then put a little glue around the inside of the pin to glue to fabric to hold. I still have my jewelry box, just more room to collect more.. Shopping anyone?

Happy Monday!

Dusty

Lounge Day

I officially declare this Sunday "lounge day!" I refuse to get out of my fleecy pants, fuzzy socks and comb my hair. Sunday's usually consists of cleaning house, grocery and laundry. I did my cleaning and grocery shopping yesterday and I am finishing up the laundry. I am so over it that I took the last two batches separated out and threw them in together. Who cares, right? High five my self for conserving energy and water is the way I see it.

I have worked on my blog this weekend. I took all of my posts labels and put them into categories (click). All the label listings were driving me crazy. I am not a type "A" personality by no means, but I don't like clutter which my life is full of because I live with two boys. I also fixed my links to face book, I apparently had that screwed up.

Also, I joined the world of Twitter. It literally made me sick at my stomach. No, seriously, I pooped like three times. I was scared to death of it. I am still somewhat private. I felt like if I joined it: the government was going to find out everything about me, scan my pupil and turn me into the bionic women (once they found out how faboo I am..so, just kidding). No, I am not a techno freak. I sat here yesterday cussing my blog trying to get rid of the pencil/wrench tool. Anyway, I did it. Follow me if you think I am twit worthy.

I finished my DIY jewelry board, post on that this week. Read the new Lucky magazine. I don't know if it's just me, but the last few magazines I have bought haven't been to whup whup to me. I did Pinterest briefly this morning. Had my coffee, now eating a hot dog with Frito chili cheese chips.. Oh, did I mention its fat day too? Uh, hum.. sho is. Tonight, I will be whipping up a batch of baked spaghetti. I have my own fantab recipe for this but decided to try one from Pinterest with a few minor adjustments. And with it...BREAD! (refer two sentences above regarding fat day).

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Happy Lounge Day everyone!

Dusty

A Story of Sacrifice..Happy Veterans Day

This is dedicated to my Pee Paw. A short little Norwegian man, where I am sure I got my sense of humor, who always used to say, "whenever you're in Texas look me up (we lived in Tennessee)" or grunted when you said "I love you" knowing that was his way of saying it back. I also want to say to my family, this is story for our memories to tell our children and for my uncle, my brother, my dad and step dad who served our country, I love you and thank you so much.

On May 19, 1944 was a day that changed my great grandparents lives, I am sure, forever. As the story has been told and some parts we are still researching, the plane was on a mission in Berlin. My great uncle, Willard Christensen was a Sargent in the Army Air Corps along with his brother Tony who were stationed in England. My uncle was a tail gunner on the B-17 bomber plane, the Donna Mae II and had not flown many missions on that plane. That day as fog set in, the plane above dropped a fateful bomb that hit my great uncle's plane bending the tail wing completely straight down. The plane did not make it back safely and all perished. To this day, we only know that he is buried in a mass grave because the plane of course burned upon crashing.

My great Uncle Willard was not suppose to fly on that mission that day. My great Uncle Tony's wife was pregnant at the time and my great Uncle Willard took his place so my great Uncle Tony could go be with his wife. The love of two brothers was such that one gave his life, so the other could help bring a new life into the world.

This is an actual photo. On the left is the actual bomb that hit the tail wing. The arrow points to wear my great Uncle Willard was located. Those two stack that look like posts were gun racks he operated. This was published in Life magazine back during the war and incorrectly reported the plane made it back safely, but that was not the case.

This is an actual letter that my family has received through others written by the pilot above that dropped that fateful bomb.

How grateful we are for those people that served our country and continue to serve our country. My grandfather MJ who was a Marine Corp medic, great Uncle Ole (US Army),  great Uncle Tony (US Army) and great Uncle Willard Christensen (US Army) all served in WWII.

Willard before he went overseas gave my grandfather his watch and said "you keep this, I'll get it when I get back." He never returned.

Your first born granddaughter loves and misses you Pee Paw. Thank you to you and all of our family for the sacrifice.

Dusty



I heart Ruthie Hart!

Do you remember when Bugs Bunny blasted off to Mars and encountered the marshen and the big creature? The big creature picks up Bugs Bunny and says, "oh, I want to love him and squeeze him and call him George." That's how I feel about this sweet girl. I followed The Chronicles of Ruthie Hart on Bloglovin. She had a post about offering a button swap. I emailed her saying I would love to participate but my button wasn't functioning thinking that she would keep me in mind for future button swaps. She emailed me right back, offered to make me a new button and wa-la! That beautiful button you see on the side, is compliments of Ruthie. How kind is she? That a stranger reached out her kindness to a little ol' new blogger with just a few followers made me feel like I found a shining star. She's funny, beautiful, a wife and a mommy to the cutest dog with the funniest faces. Show her some love, visit her blog, leave her sweet thoughts and visit her site often. She rocks! I know you will love her just as much as I love being her bloggy friend. I heart Ruthie Hart!

Howdy! My name is Ruthie and I am southern newlywed wife, mama to a cute chunky French bulldog and love of all things crafty. My blog chronicles my life, everything from my relationship with Jesus, the ridiculous costume parties my husband plans and trying to become Suzie Homemaker while balancing a full time job in software marketing. In my house, we love, we hug, we live out loud, we make mistakes and make fools of ourselves. Oh, and I blog all about it!

Visit Blog Here

Tweet Her Here

Follow her on Bloglovin here

Happy Thursday!

Dusty

Two Cents Thursdays on Wednesday

What a great day it is for two reasons...1. I met my bloggy CHWH swap partner this morning (love love) and 2. its frozen pizza night at the Alley household! That's right, I went all out, a Tombstone cheese pizza hot and fresh right out of the oven. I feel so Italian, where are my cannoli's (which I love by the way)! My butt which looks like two piglets in the farm yard wrestling over a piece of cornbread says, "thank you, mama mia!"

Any hoot, you see my title post. I usually do my rants on Thursday's but tomorrow I will be featuring another sweet gem that I heart! So stay tuned until tomorrow. In the mean time, here are my Two Cents Thursdays. If you haven't read any of the others, check it out here.

Lets start with EBay... I have been searching EBay for a pair of clogs. I found a pair on a Spanish website but apparently to ship them Christopher Columbus is bringing them over on his ship. So, I search EBay endlessly. I see so many pairs, but then I realize that they are just as expensive as if you found them in the store. Seriously, years ago when this site started, it was a way to find long lost items at a discounted price. Now its become a shopping mecca like clicking on Shop bop. I am not talking Prada here people. A little ol' pair of clogs to go with my flared jeans and shorts in the summer. I mean if you want a deal on Lucky Brand jeans or 7 for all Mankind, maybe its a deal. I will just have to wait until I poop that money tree and it grows before I can afford that, but really I am so disappointed..Ebay Sucks!...(now).

Are we all not so sick of hearing about Kim Kardashian. I admit, I have this fascination with reality TV. My favorite show is the The Real Housewives of New Jersey, and I so got sucked into the Fairy Tale wedding re-runs and now its over. Divorce in the works, scandal in Hollywood, money down the drain and two nights of my life of watching I can't get back. Ugh! I mean she was so in love. The only thing I see wrong with this whole thing is she needed a step ladder to have sex with the guy (uber tall). I mean, rich, big diamond ring, publicity..hmmm, 72 days.. this girl needs a reality kick in the ass if you ask me.

And finally, The Duggars are pregnant with their 20th child..holy moly. That dude needs to back away from the muffin. Seriously, her vajay jay is saying, no no not again. Who has an elastic uterus? Not me, I have one and no desire to have anymore. Do these people not think of college, weddings, school activities, food. They need a grey hound bus to travel. Imagine taking them all trick or treating. You'd have no candy left. Here's my advice... the women needs to get spade like a dog and quick as possible!

Happy Two Cents Thursdays on Wednesday everyone! 

XO,

Dusty

  

Here she is Mrs. America!

The anticipation was overwhelming. I checked everyday to see if "it" had arrived. The disappointment when there was no email, no word. Had they forgotten me, was I worthy? I am a new blogger, maybe I should send a video with me pleading to let me participate. Day and night, I wondered as the thoughts rolled through my head like a honey drizzled croissant and a cup of coffee in the morning. And finally, this morning at 8 am, there she was. It was like the clouds parted ways, celestial rays of sunlight shone down upon my gmail account.. My Cold Hearts Warm Hands blog swap partner! Here she is Miss (oh wait, Mrs.) America, Justine from Stop Me If You've Heard This One.

Blog Click Here

(How many of you have seen that dress, see above, on Pinterest? And how many times have I thought that's perfect for New Years..you know you have!) Any hoot, we have already exchanged a few emails, I have spent an hour reading her posts and belly laughed out loud, she is beautiful, just wait until you see her picture, we are very, very similar and I heart her so much I want to feed her some fried chicken. Listen, if Rachel Zoe can make references to food so can I. So, my little blog lovelies, show her some love. Click her site, read it, love it, talk about it, make a shampoo commercial out of it and tell two friends and so on, and leave her some beautimus comments! She is after all Mrs. America!

Kisses,

Dusty

Happy vs. Disturbing

Things making me HAPPY!

-the "retro effect" on Photo bucket

-my 12 year old yellow lab Mille and her "shwings" (ball)

-my son and his silly glasses

-new blog followers

-chili dogs and sweet tea

-Miss Piggy as featured story in In Style magazine

-hot chocolate

-

Things I find Disturbing!

-python print shoes (I don't dig snake prints, they freak me out)

-the Michael Jackson trial

-"A" symmetrical hair cuts

-the 17 year old girl who married the 50 something guy..yuckola

-those pointy fingernails that Fergie wears

Well, that's my Tuesday rambling. Do you have a happy vs. disturbing list?

XO,

Dusty

The Big Bang Theory

I have love hate relationship with my hair. I am such a hair person, I grow it out, then cut it off (not too short). I would love to have a cutesy tootsey hair do, but I will just have to dream about it, because I cut my hair off short and I feel like I have a pumpkin head. I have grown my bangs out for the last few months and kept them like that, but as the appearance of wrinkles (or my imagination of them) creep into my head, I think about cutting them into side swept bangs again. I always grow them out, cut them, then freak out because I think they are to short and feel like a little Amish girl named Mary Beth Elizabeth Rebecka Katie Jebidiah Jones. I think oh, they will grow back out and then I see all these beachy waves in the magazines and then I get all Cali girl (I have never even been to California). Any hoot, I found some pictures on-line for inspiration.

Well, tell me what you think? To bang or not to bang, that is the question! Happy Monday!

 Dusty

Festivities

"You say it's your birthday! Da-nunna Nunna Nunna!" I love that part in the movie "Sixteen Candles". Oh, that was a long time ago. I haven't posted in a week. I have been so busy. See last Tuesday was my 40th birthday. I received the nicest compliment on Facebook. "You should be the poster girl for '40 is the new 20!!". I was so humbled by all the birthday wishes. Someone asked me what being 40 meant to me. The only thing that came to mind was, it made me much more aware of my own mortality. Oh, how the time flies, but I realized I have so much to be grateful for and to look back on and can only move ahead. So to keep this short and sweet, here is what I have been up too the past week.

First Trick or Treating with "I"

Beyblade El Drago

Then, my birthday on the 1st day of November! What a great day! I woke up to two beautiful cards from my lovey and baby boy. Then a bottle of my favorite perfume from my favorite boys, Burberry London. Love Love!

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Then my most wonderful mommy took me on a shopping spree. I was in heaven. For me this was like hitting the jackpot in Vegas. I made a list of things I wanted and was pretty successful. I have a few more things on my wish list but a little at a time.

Thank you Mom!

I received some beautiful cards in the mail, a wonderful new travel coffee mug with a meaningful message. I always tell my friends that "only you can make the change". I received candles, sweater, makeup, and most of all love! Then Friday I enjoyed the company of some beautiful friends and family to celebrate.

Princess Cake, Thank you Wendy

This faboo hat and fur trimmed vest

Friends and Family

Well, bloggy sisters, that's it. That was my week and now its back to getting ready for the holidays and all that comes with it! Happy Sunday!

XO,

Dusty

Shhhhh!

Shhhhhh..be vewy, vewy quiet. I am Pintewesting. Hope you all have a great Sunday! I have been working on a few projects. Can't wait to show you, but I have not visited my Pinterest account in a week, so I am sure it's feeling neglected. Tomorrow it's off to trick or treat with my sweet boy. Happy Halloween my friends. Thank you everyone who became a new follower or checked out my page. I hope it only grows, so I can share even more.

Dusty

Saturday Stuffs

It's day two of the linky party. I sat up and read so many blogs last night I am cross eyed. My head was swimming. My son could have jumped off the roof as Superman last night and I would have never known it, I was so entralled. I got up yesterday morning thinking, I am going to get up at the crack of dawn and push the send button and ba-geez, there were already 200 people linked up. So, I thought I would write another quick post, re-link (because I just don't want you to forget to check out my blog) and spend the day with more blog overload. I hope you checked out my introductory post here. It's just a snippit of my blessed life. Or you can check out my funny side. This was my very first post ever and pretty much how I am most of the time or see my style on the obession of most women ...Pinterest.  Any hoot, here are 10 things to let you get to know me better. I hope you enjoy my blog. I am having a blast taking time out from laundry, cleaning house, working, slopping the hogs, making a amish rocking chair, sailing around the world, serving the Queen of England..just kidding. Thank you so much for those that have followed me so far! I am greatful beyond words I get new friends.

10 things about Muah!

1. I live in Tennessee but was born in Kansas. Yes, I am a redneck princess!
2. I am a true Scorpio. Very passionate about my family and friends.
3. I will be 40, November 1st.
4. I am addicted to Mt. Dew. My kidneys think I need an intervention.
5. Favorite movie of all time Grease.
6. I don't like to be barefoot. I always have fuzzy socks on my feet.
7. I love Red Velvet cake!
8. Winter is my favorite season.
9. My middle name is de. Yes with a little "d". My mother was a hippie.
10. I love high heels.

Enjoy the linky party. Hope to see you all soon.

Dusty de

Bloggy Linky Party Time

OMG! I am so excited about the bloggy link up party, that I can’t stand myself. But hopefully you can stand me and take a look at my blog and follow, make friends, share your thoughts, blah blah bing…

I thought I would just do an introductory post because I am still new to the blogging world. I still don’t know all the ends and outs, I am still learning, but I have fallen head over heels for my blog. It’s mine, all mine. It’s not perfection, I am not brave enough just yet to take outfit posts (I am getting there just by inspiration from seeing other blogs and I need a new camera), it does not have colorful, flashing buttons just yet, no idea how to play music or upload a video, 11 wonderful followers so far, no sponsors, about 20 comments so to date, but it’s okay. You know WHY? Because it’s mine, all mine…

I know that someone someday will see and love it. I have ideas galore, Pinterest creations that are hot mess hot (oh, new word, high five myself), everyone will see my Etsy shop in 2012, you will think I am wonderfully simple and funny, I will make lots of friends, I will learn to have a linky party, upload a video, go to blogger conferences. I will write my stories, my feelings, post my pictures, share my life, be a blog stalker, give advice, make someone’s day and I love it! Why because it’s mine, all mine! I have become more confident because I did it myself. I want it to grow, create conversation, be funny enough to repeat and beautiful enough to remember. And I want to share it with all of you. So, here is a little about me. I hope you enjoy my little pickle of a blog. Because for now, it can be yours all yours to share. Here is a preview...

My Family

Chad, Dusty, and my beautiful boy, Ian Gage

My future Etsy shop

A Brides Pail

(with homemade apron and the recipe to a good marriage)

$30

Sugar Lips T-shirts

$20

I'm a Boho Girl at Heart

Fashion Inspiration

New Love

Photography

My Home Inspiration

Coastal Cottage, all things Shabby and boho

So there you have just a sample of what my blog consists of. I can't wait to share what's mine all mine with you. I hope you share and follow me along on this journey.

XO, Dusty

linking up with the wiegands , much love illy, boho baby bump, changing lanes

No workout post tuesday..but a few random thoughts

There is no workout post for Tuesday. Honestly, I didn't do jack squat this week except walk around a pumpkin farm for 2 hours. So, I thought I would just post some random thoughts or things I think about and ponder..

1. Do you ever wonder why it is that men can go in a bathroom and whip out their wanker in front of each other, but if a women walks in and you gotta do the number 2 you will hold it until they either flush the toilet or leave. And what really sucks is that you both have to do the same thing so its a "you go first" competition to see who does it first. I actually had a lady say she was sorry that I overheard it. It's like Oprah said, "everyone poo's".

2. Why we can put a man on the moon, but we can't take fat from other parts of our body and make boobs.

3. Why men can adjust and scratch themselves in public, but if a woman did it they would think she had crotch rot.

4. I would love to see a diver at the Summer Olypmics jump off the diving board curl up and yell, "Cannonball!" just for chits and giggles.

5. I believe everyone woman should be issued a full length mirror at birth.

6. The trend with mustard colored clothes. Hense, the color is mustard, you look like mustard. (sorry personal preference).

7. The special sauce on a Big Mac is really 1000 Island dressing.

8. Speedo's should be illegal.

9. Who really waxes their bung hole? I mean seriously, who is looking or going to see it? It isn't like you go in like you got a new hair cut and say, "Honey, look at my new wax job. Do you like it or do you think I should grow it back out?

10. Wonder Women had an invisible jet, hmmmm, ponder, how did she stay in the air if it was invisible? I looked it up and invisible means not there, cannot see etc...get my point.

11. Rice grosses me out.

12. Why they didn't make Barbie have thunder thighs and 5'5"?

13. Why Santa Claus has yet to bring me a dolphin for Christmas like I asked for at 6 years old.

14. Who invented the tampon and who was the lucky duck who got to perform all the test trials till they got it precise.

And finally,

15. Any man wearing skinny jeans should be fined at least one thousand dollars for making us tolerate looking at the piggy in his market.

Happy Tuesday, lovies, please follow my blog, I follow back..XO, Dusty

linked up rolled up pretty

I accept it...Product Review

Happy Monday everyone. As you can read from my post yesterday, we had a great weekend. Monday hasn't stared out so great. "I" woke up with a stomach virus. Nothing like your kid crying with barf on the bed and Libby the youngest Lab eating it (gross I know, but hey the truth). Anyway, with lack of sleep. My thoughts are a little scattered but I have been wanting to write this post on a product review. I have been in search of a good mascara. I have been using L'oreal's Voluminous and really like it, but wanted to try some of the "Falsies" mascaras that have been advertised in all he magazines. I have a fascination with false eyelashes but am not brave or coordinated to put them on and ever since my friend told me she glued her eye shut, I have been scared to do them. So the two sets I have are setting on my makeup table.

Last week I purchased the new Maybelline Great Lash Lots of Lashes mascara. I have tried the pink and green tubes of mascara of each variety. And once again, I was disappointed. Let me say, that I don't have eyelashes like Rapunzel. I lost alot of eyelashes when I got pregnant. It's not like I don't have any, I just don't have a thick set like some people. This mascara did nothing except coat my lashes. It provided no length, no thickness, no volume and they were stiff as a board. The brush at the end is plastic and weird and as much as I put on the end of the wand it still did nothing. I think this product is made for someone who already has a thick set of lashes to accentuate what they already have. I am just going to resolve myself to the fact that I cannot use the mascara in the pretty tube. . Oh, well, hope someone else has better luck.

XO, Dusty