I recently made a visit back to my home town. I make that sound like its hundreds of miles away but its not. Like 30 miles. Most all of my family still lives there except a few.. like three of us. Don't get me wrong. I am tickled I was raised in a small town, but glad I moved because everyone knew when you took a pee. I went in and ate at the little restaurant right off the interestate and they had this little gift shop when you walked in. Much to my suprise because I wouldn't expect Vera Bradley products in a restaurant called the Timberloft. Any hoot, this little store had some really cute stuff and one of the items I fell in love with was this jewelry from Lenny & Eva.
We had to eat and when I went back to look some more for even a possible purchase they had put up the long chain rope and closed up shop for the evening. It was a Sunday so I will forgive them at this time. I came home and did a little research and found the website. Click above link and was in love. Let me give you the DL on this stuff....
Go to the website and see the pictures I was nostalgic after looking at them
made me want to frolic
these are the items they sell
love these cuffs and you can pick out any saying you want
and they are interchangeable
you also can get little charms to put on them
these are the two I am contemplating
I always say this to my friends
I love this alot
its the message of the only way your going to get anywhere in this world is
if you do it yourself
oh and this is for the Keep Calm lovers
So there you have it. They have spiritual quotes as well, and they have these for the little ones and men, which would be a great anniversary or birthday gift. A saying that binds you two together and all that mushing crap.
I love them. Visit the website and enjoy. Which one do you like? Fight Like a Girl or the Legend plate?
Happy Wednesday everyone and thank you for the well wishes. I am on the roids and feeling 90 percent better.
I have been under the weather the last few days. Saturday I woke up and felt like well, dog chit! It progressively got worse and to the doctor I went yesterday. So I am loading up on steroids and antibiotics and I should be back to my normal hulk like self very soon. I apologize that I don't have a terrific post or that I have read every blog and commented like I usually do, but lying down and reading a smut magazine seems to be the key to recovery. I promise to get back to you guys soon.
I thought it would be fun to share my very first ever post when I started blogging. I actually started a blog two years ago and then it freaked me out a bit and after two posts stopped because I wasn't sure what direction I wanted to go after doing some bloggy research. Mom blogs, fashion blogs, funny blogs, cooking blogs, Blogs, blogs, blogs. So I wanted to make sure that I established myself and knew why I was blogging. I think or at least hope that I have made my mark.
Here is my very first ever post back in August 2011. I sure have come a long way, but I knew that this would be my very first post which actually if I look back on it, set the tone for this whole entire blog of mine.
I am a ponderer. Is that even a word? I will be driving down the road and thoughts enter my head and think hmmm. I am a deep thinker. I over analyse. I research it. I ask people about it. I should have been a psychiatrist or a private detective. So, setting in traffic last week which is what I do every frigging day, my mind wondered. I think of things that would be great conversations amongst the girlfriends on a night gathered around with pizza and wine. But then it made me think, why wouldn't I just want to ask these questions myself. For instance...
I would like to ask God why women have so many beauty routines? I mean Adam thought Eve was hot snot and all she had on was a leaf. Do you think he saw the hair and said, um, no I don't think I will kiss you until you shave your legs. I hate to shave my legs. So why couldn't he have just said, Dusty I give you to your parents as a symbol of my love and I also grant you the amazing gift of Venus smooth legs for the rest of your life.
Why do Eskimos live in igloos? Do they still live in igloos? Are there still real life Eskimos? I mean who thought of building a house out of ice blocks? Where did you think this was energy efficient? I am all for being green, but freezing my baguettes off isn't my kind of way to save the earth. You can put on a furry parka all you want but I wouldn't be coming over for dinner. And you build the fire outside the igloo. Hell-o people! You go inside to stay warm. I don't think the Eskimos had this plan well thought out if you ask me.
Why didn't the Pope and Mother Teresa date? Here are two people that spread the most amazing words of love and compassion. I mean nobody would have ever believed it if they had. They are Saints. He was wearing a bed sheet, instant love nest. You mean to say they never had the urge? He didn't have passion in his pants? Wouldn't it be funny to invite her to one of those surprise girly parties and hand her a bag with a vibrator inside. That would be after we got her wasted on jello shots. Listen, I say they should have took a mule ride up to a mountain somewhere, turned on a little Marvin Gaye on the boom box, ate a little cheese and Bleeped. Of course the poor lady, she would probably have thought she got slimed by the Ghost Busters after all was said and done. Maybe we just leave that one like it is.
So see, I have a lot of time to think. Traffic is torture but it also gives me time to reflect on the utterly stupid.
You can also find me over heretoday talking about myself and my craziness. Thank you Justyn for asking me over. If you regret it don't tell me, I am sorta sensitive...NOT!
This week I received a card in the mail from my Smuppie, Jes. This cracked me up big time. I love when someone makes the effort to be a friend and keep in touch.
This card is a reflection of a post I did a few weeks back titled the No Thong Zone. If you didn't read it or are a new follower (click here), then I want you to come back here and take a look at this..........
PEOPLE I REST MY CASE!!!!!!!
This is exactly why I eliminated thongs from my life. Her crack has to be plaque free now and with the fishnet body suit, I think they caught the Wicked Tuna. Now I leave you with this image for the weekend and will have a wonderfully well written hopefully hilarious post on Monday!
It's another Hot Tamale Thursday! I am loving this series. This week I have the adorable Anna from A Sweet Southern Mess. Anna is my adopted kid. Actually, I know how old she is so she could probably be my real kid as old as I am. She is delightful. I remember reading her blog for the first time thinking how sweet and wise she was for such a young age. This girl will go places, I don't doubt it for a second. I hope she never doubts herself because I think she's awesome and you will too. I remember telling her to blog for herself and no one else and her blog is growing. Enjoy friends and show Anna some love won'tcha?
Well hello to all of Dusty's lovely readers! My name is Anna and I am so very thankful for Dusty having me here today for my a guest post!! I blog about life and all of its happenings and findings at A Sweet Southern Mess so stop on by for all of the sweetness and sweet mess!
Here are a few things about me, myself, and the life behind the blog!
1. I am an Elementary Education major for a K-6 license! I am absolutely in love with teaching and cannot wait to have my own classroom soon! I have a 1.5 semesters of classes and student teaching left along with 5 praxis and an exit exam so wish me luck!
2. There is someone in my life that you will read about all the time. He is the love of my life, my boyfriend of the past 2 and a half years, and my best friend! His name is Kyle and he is such a wonderful person. I am truly blessed to have him in my life and I can’t wait to spend forever with him.
3. No matter what, I am ALWAYS thinking about food! It has to be a big problem eventually but it’s not right now. Thank you high metabolism! I love trying new foods, cooking, and baking!
4. I also love to make things. I have a Pinterest but that is not where I get all of my inspiration from. I love to craft, paint, and sew…even though I’m not very good at it! There is just something about being crafty and making such amazing products that sends me into a fit of happiness! Follow me if you wish!
5. I am a Catholic convert and I absolutely love everything about being Catholic. I try my hardest to be a good Catholic and pray even harder. God is my everything and I do everything through him and with his guidance.
6. I love all animals. Especially the baby ones! They are all so precious! I wish that I could have my own zoo! (A little extreme I know)
7. I have a pet turtle named Sparky Budroe McGuire. I made a video of him! :) Yes, he has Kyle's last name. It just fit better than mine. I've had him for well over a year and love him dearly! He was the size of a half dollar when I got him and now he is bigger than a Whopper from Burger King!
8. I have an obsession with organizing and cleaning. I cannot function in my room without it being cleaned and organized in a certain way. Problematic at some crucial times, yes, but at least I'm not the exact opposite and a huge slob!
9. I love being from Tennessee and all that being southern entails! Camo, sweet tea, fried foods, fishing/hunting, and bless your heart! It's all me and I wouldn't have it any other way!
10. I was a cheerleader for 5 years and a gymnast for 7 years. I loved every second of it. I wish I could still cheer now but I had a bad injury and all that is over now. Just so you know, ripping your hamstring is the worst pain anyone can ever go through.
11. I absolutely love to blog! I love making new friends and sharing all of my exciting and eventful life happenings. I feel some sort of release when I blog and to see comments from my followers saying that they agree or understand is so thrilling to me. I went through a phase where it was hard for me to be accepted and I hated it. I started blogging and realized that there were more people in this world than the ones that will bring me down.
12. Speaking of, I will blog about very profound things occasionally. I love to share quotes, theories on life, and what I'm feeling. I am only 22 but I have had a life full of experiences. I want to make a difference in the world and I don't want a single soul to experience the heartache that I have in the recent past.
13. I love to cook. Did I mention that already? Oh my gosh I love to cook! Partially because I love to eat but I also love to cook for others! Kyle loves it too, of course.
14. My TV is always on The Weather Channel, Disney Channel, or ABC Family. I'm a girl of variety I know.
See isn't she awesome? Umm, yes I thought so. Click her link above or over in the side bar and take a peak. Thank you Anna for sharing your story and best wishes on everything you dream! I love ya!
There's more Hot Tamale's to come. I have some great posts coming up in the next week, so stick around. You don't want to miss them and if you would like to take part in the series just send me an email.
Ok, so Wednesday's are normally my fashion, beauty and everything girly days. I am a magazine addict. I am obsessed with Hunter boots.. Addict and Obsession, I am justifying a difference (work with me). So, Since January I have bought a ton of mags usually on Sunday when I go to the place I loathe, the grocery, I pick up a new one. I actually had to cut back on my consumption because I felt guilty for all the paper and the poor trees. But I do my part, I pass them along to someone else to throw away so I don't feel so bad. Continuing on... None of the magazines have been worth a flip in my opinion. But I have a pretty classic style. I don't venture outside my box too often. I am a belle and its hard for me to pair stripes and polka dots together, but I am working on it.
One of the trends I seem to have a slight problem with is color blocking. When I first heard it I thought of the wooden blocks my kid used to play with as a baby and that I threw away promptly after stepping on them repeatedly (those bitches hurt). Hmmm, that maybe why he has problems spelling and gosh, terrible again, I didn't recycle wood.
I am not a neon kind of girl. Although Shannon sent me a pic of some lime green Hunters yesterday, ummm love! But purple and orange together, pink and orange, red and yellow. It just seems like I should be doing an exercise on color association in a psychiatrists office to see if I need to be committed. I am not saying I don't like it. I am just saying that I am not sure I could pull it off, but I am digging some things. So here it is...
these shoes could seriously change my mind on the trend
So, what do you think of the trend? I know, I am a little behind on this topic. Every fashion blog from here to France has posted about it, but I am too busy being funny people.
All images are found on my Pinterest. I hope you "blocked" out a little time to give me your thoughts. I would love some inspiration from my friends.
I didn't have a chance to do an Easta post- I love Yankee talk. So I thought I would share a few memories and ask your opinion.
First, we had a great time. No liquor this Easta. We chilled and had a laid back kind of day except, the kids of course hunted eggs and then we let them pelt each other with water balloons. I mean seriously what is more loving then bombarding your cousin in the face with a water balloon?
This is how we roll
My kid standing over a sprinkler letting water shoot up his butt
We call this redneck bidet
So if you follow me on Instagram (@dustydalley), you know I baked a strawberry cake.
This is my sweet Libby Lou. She's a yellow lab. She is two years old. Isn't she precious?
So, I went to the bathroom to wipe my kids butt, and I find the little beauty above on the counter apparently having dessert. I, of course, went bananas and was almost in tears because it was 9 pm no way to make another cake. I decided to...
Cut out where she ate the top of it, frost it and that's right I took it to the family Easta lunch and served it up. Hey, they say a dog's mouth is cleaner than a humans. A little dog lip never hurt nobody right? Or is this really wrong? Oh, come on, it was delish!
So last week I told you I had a post in my que for a while about the Sister Wives. I got to thinking about it and went in and edited a few things after a little research and decided I would let it rip.
Late one night I came across the reality show, The Sister Wives. I have heard all the hoopla but never watched an episode and being that it was late and delusional from the lack of sleep, I watched this non pulitzer prize winning piece of crap and then thought about it for the rest of the day which ticked me off even more.
As a woman who lives with two of the male species would want to share one man I would have no clue. I walked into the bathroom the other day, my "Duh" is setting on the toilet naked reading a Hot Rod magazine with the fan on. I promptly closed the door, walked down the hall, stopped and thought, that's right that man setting in there in the thinker position is all mine and I high fived myself!
Now I don't think of myself as being a rocket scientist, but where do these women think that sharing one man has its benefits? Do you think they draw straws to see who gets to play naked Twister on Tuesday? My phone sends me reminders on my calendar when its someone's birthday or appointments that are arranged for that day. Does wife #2 wake up and see that her phone says, I get to feel the love today from man ho and she walks around the house all day singing the bonk chicka wow wow song in her head and fake spanking the air?
How does it not creep them out that he sticks his wing ding in four women on separate days of the week? And where do they think that he's so hot snot that he deserves this? There ain't no man got a dong of gold to warrant four wives. Unless that mo fo is Matthew McConaughey, there should be no question that I would be P to the issed. I am just waiting for wifey's to have a knock down drag out and that would be the best girl fight in history. Do you think they gossip to each other? Like #1 says to #3, last night we went to a movie, then a romantic walk down by the lake. And #3 gets jealous and says, oh, how sweet. We went and ate at Ruth Chris Steakhouse, I dressed up as a nurse and we got it on to Kenny G's greatest hits which inturn sets up the scenario for a fifth wife..the nurse, so way to go stupid.
How do they go out to eat with all the kids? Enter a Ponderosa and say, we will take the buffet - the whole buffet. And really how do they get private time with all 16 children. I mean, we have to lie to my son and tell him that dad is helping mom with the plumbing because we thought he was outside playing and would never come in side. Talk about putting new meaning to the minute man. Oh and all that PMS, send in the troops.
So, really here is my deal and I should say this is my own opinion because I don't claim to understand why this is acceptable. But here goes. Ladies, if you haven't noticed there are A LOT of man people in this world. Like one for each of you. It means you can have him all to yourself. What a concept and have you thought that maybe his ego is bigger than is Richard (look up the nicknames to Richard if you don't get it.) I say, dump that ho dawg, take his ass to court, obtain all his money for child support and get checked for a STD. Or you could say, hey honey, tonight we are going to try something different...meet George and see how he likes it.
I think this week has been one of my favorite weeks since I have been blogging. I have made so many new friends and its been so much fun getting to know y'all. I usually waste my whole weekend reading all my bloggy friends, so I can't wait to catch up. If you want to continue the ride don't forget you can follow me through the little connectors.
And if you would like to be in the Asian Irish Redneck club 2012 join us on Twitter. We talk about random crap that makes no sense but it sure is entertaining, right Shannon and Jes who brought her BFF Kelsey along from Georgia who I have talked with this week by email.
I am certainly enjoying my Hot Tamale series. Thank you to Jes and Shay! I love you both bunches. If you would like to join the Hot Tamales just send me an email or I might ask you anyway. I truly want everyone to see how wonderful everyone is.
Cross my heart this has been amazing. I remember when I did my first button swap with my sweet Ruthie, who is getting my spare room ready in her new house and the friendship with the beautiful MaKaila, she rocks and Twiggy who brought the brave and strong, Kristie who I read for inspiration. Jena and Lauren Rebecca who have the cutest little girls. Justine who just had her first anniversary. Emmette who rocks the boho fashion I love so much. Anna my adopted kid. The two Danielle's from one coast to another. My newest friend, a girl name Justyn, we can relate. Miki and Jenn who have the most adorable bulldogs. Erica who is going to have her first little one and my newest rock star, Ronida. You can click their buttons or links to the side and find out how wonderful they are along with the rest of my friends.
Love all my followers and I should name you all you deserve it so much. You all deserve to be mentioned and at some point I promise you will. I always give back or at least do my best to read and comment on your blogs.
This blog is really a diary for my son. So he can look back and see his mom at her worst. So all of your comments show him that his mommy was loved from all over the place. I love you! I love you! I love you!
If the Pope was present I would do the electric slide with him in celebration! Wouldn't that be hilarious, me spankin' the Pope's ass! I am sorta Catholic remember.
So last week, I stated that I would forgo my Two Cents Thursdays to have the It List. Well, I renamed it Hot Tamale. Cause Tamale's are hot and these chicks need featuring. This week is a tah-reat! Shay from Red Lipstick & Melodies, is a close bloggy friend by that I mean she lives far away, but we reach out and touch each other via text, email and soon Skype with her BFF, Sticks n Stuff. She is Shays best friend and it took her a while to share. She's not good with sharing, but just tell her you are going to take her on a long hike to Mount Saint Helen's and your in like flynn. Shay is a hoot but refuses to do Twitter (help me convince her)! And she also writes these amazing posts about life and actually got me to be speechless for the first time not too long ago (like yesterday). I love her bunches. Show her some love (no birds). She's a loyal follower and you must watch her vlogs. Her facial expressions are the best.
So, once upon a long, long, time ago.. in February of 2012 (don't I sound like an idiot) I met Dusty. I seriously have no idea who clicked on whose blog first, I wanna say me, because I am such a good blog stalker. Like award winning style, I find the best. So if you're the best, and I haven't found you yet.. then come find me dammit, I can't do it all.. I'm here. I love Dusty. She makes me laugh horribly inappropriately, while at work. The only thing I totally dread about her blog is when I get down to comment, I can't remember what she wrote that was the most hilarious, so I have to scroll back up and laugh really hard at "work.." all over again, just so I can tell her what had me rolling, and it's always a horribly over the top comment that I'll end up leaving, like a saga of a paragraph, but she is just that funny, but y'all know this.
I share her with my favorite bloggers, I send them her way. I do.
Dusty, my texting, emailing, blogging friend.. signed me up for a Thursday post. I love Thursdays, but I used to love them a whole heck of a lot more when Friends was on. I don't want to talk about it, too emotional about it. Still. I love not being able to move on, it makes me feel stable. I told her she had to give me a subject. I was straight up throwin a fit over it. A one worded subject.
"Utah."
I totally live in Utah. With all the other 80 billion fashion, wife, cooking, sewing, diyourselfers, mommy bloggers. However, I fall under ZILCH of those categories, okay, blogger. But I am going to give myself a break.
I lived in Pennsylvania, you know that state no one really ever goes to, when I started my blahwg. I had every intention of making this post about Utah. The state full of boob jobs & ratted hair & polygamists. I was going to brave Wal Mart (I live in Southern Utah) and bring my camera and go Polyg hunting. (tons of polygs in Southern Utah) Take some pictures for y'all.. but it's not hunting season until June, that is when my best friend is visiting Utah for the first time, and we're doing it then. So stick with me until June and you'll get some really awesome photos. Fingers Crossed, they kick us out. Is that possible, can you get kicked out of Wal Mart? I doubt it. Dusty & Jeszilla.. one day we're gonna put this to the test, and we will not bring our ID's that day.
I then decided to blog about what I hate most about Utah.
Snow.
Ex-boyfriends/fiances
McDonalds
Ugly babies.
Birds.
Things like that, and then today I thought of how much I hate my roommates inability to have normal decorating skills, and I know I could just blawhg about those idiots until the end of time, and never run out of material, so I'm bringing it to you today. So a post about Utah, is really about to turn into a post about my idiotic roommates crap & that one time I broke something of theirs while doing this post.
WORTH IT.
Around Christmas I started to notice an accumulation of soda cans in my kitchen. (P.S. In Utah they call Soda- "Pop", what a bunch of lunatics) I just figured they forgot how to throw crap away, and wanted to become diabetic at a rapid pace.. rather one day a glue gun came out, Christmas lights, and a Christmas tree from hell was created. To say I died would be an understatement.
(notice how this one had lights)
And then, this one time, like 49 minutes ago, I attempted to take a photo of the Mt. Dew tree that ruined Christmas for the entire state of Utah, and I set it on the floor, and the thing fell apart. I had a freaking heart attack. Because those humans that pay me to live in this house, could come home ANY second.
However, I knew for certain I was having a moment, so I took more pictures.
I set it down, walked away, and felt so good about it.
I'm also 27.
In case you were wondering how old I am at this point.
Then I went into one of the bathrooms.
I found this smoothie, almost instantly, that had a weird film on it.. and I started gagging, but not so much that I didn't capture a photo.
Listen, I'm not a dictator about keeping the house clean, but a smoothie, that is decayed and aged?
Notice me, in that hot mess of clothes. I'm clearly not perfect, in case you thought I was so far.
Yep, this belongs to one of them.
Utah, it's got some defectiveness for sure.
Like my yellow skin.
Just another reason why I hated Christmas this year.
I ventured into Sarai's (like psoriasis) room.
And I immediately lost my appetite.
Cats are my arch nemesis, and so are my roommates, I should have known she had this, I should have known. Shame on me for not checking in on my enemies.
And I should have known that she would have her grandfathers Christmas robe.
I don't know why this murdered me in my place, it just did.
And if you follow my blog, you'll remember my long running, unhealthy feud with my other roommates horrific dolphin shower curtain, it's all over my blahwg, dig, you'll find it. You didn't know she had this though. It was hard enough to just take the picture. It rests above her toilet. That place that she sits, with running bathtub water.. every single time. And I make sure to pee as loudly as I can from across the hall just to freak her out, like I really need to invest in a megaphone.
(once I made it my fb status, my roommate with the running water, and she stopped for a minute, but she's back to her old anal, paranoid, possibly has a serious eating disorder self) I can't save her though. I think I would be sick if I had to look at that bathroom too.
And the shrine to the dolphin towel.
A single candle.
5 leaping dolphins.
Do you guys understand why it wounds me?
I didn't even go into two bedrooms, this could go on forever.
So basically what you learned about Utah is this.
Shay, that blogger from Red Lipstick & Melodies.. is from Utah, that place that calls soda, pop.. and she has horribly inappropriate roommates, poor girl, and oh yeah, I have to follow her until June so I can see when she goes polyg hunting.
in case you wanted to know what I sound like, and how I react to horrible candy.
Wanna send me candy?
I'll let you.
And I won't yell at you via a vlog, like I did her.
Did you see it, the facial expressions. The best. I love you Shay! Thanks for honoring us with your presence.
Have a great Thursday, Dusty
PS..If anyone wants to button swap or be a Hot Tamale send me an email. Would love to have you.
I love when someone tells a blonde joke. I usually let them go on and on and smile graciously while the bubble above my head says, "you really are a moron, I am not a natural blonde." I don't know any blond who thinks those jokes are funny. I love being blonde and have been any version of the color for about 15 or so years. I am hair person. It's the one thing in my life I have total control over except for most days it does what the hell it wants. I even had the mishap of being platinum blonde in which I promptly came home washed my hair in baking soda and clarifing shampoo and my hair turned into hay. I was afraid to go outside for fear a bird might start screaming, "Home!"
I have highlights and lowlights in my hair and naturally my hair is dark brown, well ass brown is what I call it. You don't want me to describe that do ya? Didn't think so. Lately, I have been contemplating going back to my roots. But I don't know that I can completely do it. I have attempted once and then after about two weeks, went in for highlights.
I think its just the fact that these women are hot snot and I keep thinking I will magically turn into something sophisticated. But who am I kidding. I still probably wouldn't get up in the morning and style my hair any different even if I was a brown cow. But it does cross my mind maybe once a month when my roots are about an inch and half long and I am pretty sure I see a grey one in which I tell myself its just extra light.
I searched the internet for days trying to find the color (never did)
Pinky Swear
Of course I shouldn't really be posting this, my stylist would be taking a pay cut which now that I think of it, is probably why she tells me every single time I look fab! Damn she's good.
So do you ever think about your roots and going back to what your moma and daddy gave ya?
Do you ever wonder if your blog should come with a disclaimer? I read a lot of blogs. I see that there are some that have 5,000 followers and the more I follow along, it’s the same content, but yet its cult like and the blog keeps growing and so I try my best to figure out why following these blogs are growing, does my comment really matter? Don’t get me wrong, I love blogs that feature fashion only, or mommy blogs where every single day I see your kids. Yesterday they were precious, today same pose with a kool aid mustache and a booger. Adorable, but you can only comment eighty eleven times on how cute they are before you go, “hey, you bakin’ some cookies or something with a recipe?"
What draws a person to a blog? I follow some blogs that are in a total different language. Sometimes I hit the button and translate them, and then sometimes I just pretend I can read it for shits and giggles. I can’t speak Portuguese (I had to even check how to spell it), but hot dang they sure have some beautiful skinny ass girls, with cool style. And then I wonder, do they work or just set around all day looking fabulous, standing on cobblestone streets having someone take their picture. But being the sucker I am and one third un-American for pretending to read foreign blogs, I sign up because one day I should probably get a style idea or two. Somedays, I just superimpose my face on their face. You know in my dreams?
For a month in my que I have a post about the show “Sister Wives”. I have been hesitant because I don’t know if any of my blogger friends have family members that live this lifestyle, have friends that are friends with that families dog’s former roommate. So, you stand on a fine line wondering who you might offend or get an ugly comment from with the content of your blog. And let me just throw this out there because you may just someday see that post. Ain’t no man got a golden dong to warrant five wives. I mean in potato chip land that's called double dipping. And I totally expect that someday, we gonna see a cat fight worthy of a Lifetime movie mystery because wifey poo #3 is gonna snap when he brings in little Miss 19 year old with perky tits and breeding thighs to put a turkey to shame. Just sayin’… and now that I said it, do I need to add a disclaimer?
I want my blog to grow. I would love 5000 followers, and I set down and wonder why some blogs grow at a rapid pace and then I feel like I am at turtle speed. I guess I should apologize for not publishing my kid’s every move, or posting my financial hardships to gain sponsorship, not being team player when it comes to my personal fashion posts because I am still a little insecure about posting my own taste in clothing, cussing, or maybe just not being serious enough. So, if you want a disclaimer, here it is.
Warning: This blog is not for the ordinarily prim or proper. It contains explicit material that will make you crap your pants from laughter or cause you to have dry mouth syndrome from dropping open. The Owner if this blog takes no responsibility for the faint of heart or how serious daily life is as she’s fit. She makes no apologies for her opinion, wardrobe or serious family issues and hopes that continued followers spread the love like a CEO to a hooker on pay day.
Last week, I had the lovely and very funny Jes over for a visit and today I am over on her turf spreading a love sick post full of honey suckle dripping from my mouth. So, if you wanna know how full of crap I am, come on over. The post is that damn good!
Easter is Sunday. I know another Easter post, but I couldn't post the same day as I did the evil Peeps on Monday. Somehow it would be tainted with the thought of my favorite memory and a marshmallow beast. So I will leave you with a great story.
"Easter time's a time for eggs and a time for eggs is Easter time." My Mee Ma would say that to us as kids. Easter has always been a favorite in our family. My grandparents loved at one time having all of us around, eating, drinking and hunting eggs. Let me sorta clarify. My grandparents were sorta Catholic. By that I mean, born and raised but they let loose when a holiday came around. So there wasn't ever a shortage of a little wine or George Dickel at our family gatherings. My family, as you have heard me speak, are free spirits. By that I mean total whackjobs. I come from a long line of craziness. Snap! But its okay because I have come to grips with it all. It's like when all of the grandchildren were born and our parents took us for our milestone check ups the doctor said, "yes, we estimate that she will be a short stumpy kid, will inherit your fluffy and be a potty mouth." Our parents left feeling proud I am sure. My mom I just know called our next door neighbor and said, "my little Dusty is growing up so fast, they predict she will say the "F" word by age 4." Moma was a bragger.
So back to my favorite Easter memory. My Mee Ma is a pistol. She's still alive and feisty. Pee Pa (don't you just love the names we give our grandparents in the South) was one of 10 children and Mee Ma one of 11, so to say they were sorta Catholic fits. Lunch must have been fun for my great grandparents. Anyway, it was nothing for us to set around a table, play cards, drink a little drink and discuss anything and everything. Most of the conversations in our family either came back around to perverted elements about yum yum or poop. And all of this takes place in the kitchen of course.
So one Easter Sunday many years ago, we were setting around the table and Mee Ma and the girls where talking about men. She then proceeded to get on this kick about getting all down to business you know wink, wink bonk chicka wow wow. She wasn't afraid to get in these conversations. I look up at her kind of like well this is weird my 60 something grandmother is talking about intercourse. Any hoot, I look at her and say, "Mee Ma, it's Easter, I don't think we are supposed to talk about sex. She looked us all square in the eye and said, "Honey even Jesus rose!" Stunned we all sat there and then burst into hysterical laughter. But that's my grandmother. So see, this is where I get it from. She's a total whackadoodle and probably heavy on the totties that day, but I love her. This is also a woman who used to say, "who has more fun than us? Rabbits!" That woman had passion in her pants I tell ya. Hence why she had 5 children..sorta Catholic get it.
Anyway, I will never forget that as long as I live. I tell that story often at this time of year. And honestly, I know what Easter means and feel it in my heart, but that is funny I don't care who you are!
So, I hope you make your own Easter fun and I want to share one of my favorite Easter pictures.
So, I have decided through April I would for go my Two Cents on Thursdays and bring you my "It List." These sweet honey's asked for my button or vice versa and I believe that in this blogging community we should give back. Plus, being a good Southern girl you say thank you in your best southern drawl, raise your voice 5 octaves and pray to the sales lady at Macy's that you have extended your hand to some wonderful people. When I first started reading Jes's blog, I found her warm and cutesy. Then the more I read the funnier she got and I love her take on living with a man and her high maintenance and famous pup pup, Shark. Now I am just in love with her sweetness and if you can keep me laughing, then we are always going to be friends.
I know your going to stalk her and its perfectly okay. I will share..for once and when I read this post that she sent me, belly laughed out loud is an understatement! Take it away Jestina.....
When Dusty asked if I wanted to guest post, she said that I could guest post about whatever I wanted. At first, I considered making this all about the Doritos Locos Tacos from Taco Bell. You know, the tacos with the nacho cheese Doritos shell that have been making the rounds on the telly for your belly? Then, I decided not to. Mainly because I don't know if I want to try them out and I know talking about them for a prolonged amount of time does this to me. And because I know talking about them would lead me into thinking about those other things that have the flaming hot Frito's in them.
So then, I was back to square one.I don't know how I found my way to Dusty's blog but I, along with the rest of you followers, are probably so glad you did. Why? Scoffing. Like I have to spell it out for you. More scoffing. You want me to anyways? Fine.
For (recent) starters, she refers to her butt as Fluffy, is vocal and particular about her undergarments (and wrote a hilarious piece about it here), and just loves going to Orlando on business trips. Can we get an amen, Dusty?
With all that said, I look forward to her posts about as much as I look forward to going to Fred Meyers to buy floss. Which, let me tell you my fried pickle lover friends, is a lot. No sarcasm either. Swear it.
Once in awhile, Dusty readers are graced with her artistic abilities. And needless to say, I look forward to these moments with bells and whistles on every single one of my limbs. So in honor of those moments, I have decided to forge the both of us together in potato stick form, as this is how I have been known to draw over on my blog.
This is what I imagine our first meeting to be like:
Complete with Farrah hair, fist bumps, Hunter boots and Uggs, and of course, Prep H and tampons.
This is what we would eat:
Fried pickles, pizza, cupcakes, and Five Guys. Are you into this stuff, Dusty?
I hope so. Because in my potato world... you suggested all of it. And I nodded along.
This is how we would eat:
I imagine us both to be messy eaters.
1) Because we'd be too busy laughing at the waitress with her t-strap crack showing.
2) Because we'd be too busy preparing for our interviews (mainly yours) with Babs WaWa.
And 3) because we'd be too busy inhaling the food to care.
This is what Fluffy and Scruffy would look like when we stand up:
Best friends for life. Buttocks from anotha motha.
This is what we would use T-straps for instead of wearing them:
As headbands and face masks at her son's baseball game.
She wants to be that crazy mom. She said so herself. And as her friend, I would do my part in helping.
And this, this, is how we would say goodbye after our magical day together:
Two words: Belly Bump.
Manland has nothing on us.
Cheers to us in potato stick form, Dusty.
If we were ever to meet in real life, I hope this is exactly how you picture it as well.
I seriously think I am being honored with a wonderful award when I read this. I love this girl! And yes, Jes it's exactly how it would be and we are already friends. Thank you so much, Two Smuppies. Please everyone go over and show her some love and get all up in her business.
Last week I was catching up on blogs and came across one that featured this sweet treasure. I instantly was smitten and went to the website and bought it for myself. That's right...ME, MYSELF and I. There are a ton of hidden treasures from my bloggy friends out there that I am craving. And hopefully, one day I will show this in an outfit post, once I become an unscaredy cat!
This sweet necklace is made of glazed stoneware with a beautiful greenish blue pantina. It came with small note of thanks which was the highlight. I love Etsy and can't wait to get my own goodies up one day.
So, everyone go to NS Pottery and check out this necklace plus many other goodies that are featured. I would like to say thank you to Natalie for her wonderful talent and sharing her gift with the rest of us. The blogging community has become a large key to my heart and I am so grateful for all those that care enough for five hot minutes to pay attention to my blog and my adventure.
I would like to think I could do anything if I set my mind to it and that includes the show Survivor. But those who know me pretty well, know I am not one with dirt. My friends used to say, "Dusty doesn't do dirt" but then God gave me a boy and screwed up my princess theory. So, now I do dirt, sorta. But I don't think I could be on the show Survivor. I admire people that are nature driven. I follow these wonderful blogs where they take these beautiful picture of nature hikes, snow cap mountains and trees that reach to the moon. I go outside walk around my house and declare that a hike, pick up the garden hose and imagine a giant water fall. So, I know that me on a remote island with 15 other people wouldn't be something that's on my bucket list.
First, my people map labels me a Free Spirit/Leader. Which means while we should be building shelter, we should have a wine spritzer while we do it. I mean if your going to chop bamboo all day, you should be rewarded. Second, I can handle the air drying of the hair if people can stand looking at me and my twin, Buckwheat, but there is no where to plug in my makeup mirror. I am not saying I need to put on all the war paint necessary, but geez a little mascara and lipgloss might get you somewhere with some of these men who are in total heat 30 days without yum yum.
Then there is the fact of the challenges. Me, run, gather puzzle pieces, run some more, climb a rope, ding a bell, turn a cartwheel and try to knock out ceramic squares with a pebble? Uh, no. I can barely see with my glasses or contacts on and you want me to hit a 2 x 2 square, so my whole tribe can share a peanut butter and jelly sandwich? Sorry, but I did all the work, get your own PB & J, I ain't putting my lips on someone else's stinky coconut cup or sandwich just so I won't die from starvation. Oh, and speaking of, I wouldn't survive with all that rice they eat.
But there is also the bugs, snakes and rats. Now, why in the sam thunder hell would you sign up to be eaten alive my monster mosquitoes, risk getting ate by a large anaconda and sleep with rats crawling around camp. I will take a zero. Or wear the same pair of underwear for 30 days. You can wash them in the ocean all you want, but the salt water eventually is going to exfoliate the wassa and then your in a mess. And if you can only take one luxary item, why would it not be feminine products? Teeth coating of gross I can take, but somewhere your going to have a cycle. It's not like you can look at them and say, sorry but I got PMS, cramps and need to lie on this hard ass bamboo bed all day to feel better, oh and by the way, you gotta a Midol? I mean you get a wax job before you go but by the end of thirty days your tribe mates are going to think they are sharing camp with a gorilla. I am all for sharing but this is just not one of them.
Don't get me wrong, I will go camping and work out in my yard, but I am not going to volunteer to be stranded on an island, not even for a million dollars. It would take half a million to have your body regraphed from all the bug bites, your dentist to scrape your teeth at least 6 times to get the fuzz off, and you'll have to hire a bush hog to remove the hair that's grown on your body parts.
Thank you Jeff Probst, your hot, but I will pass. Survivor me? NO!
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