I took a dump

I took a dump. A photo dump and here is what life has been about for me. This is the story.

Sometimes a girl just needs something shiny

Or maybe even a fur coat

A good meal

to wake up and smell the flowers

or a place where she can think

then she can be happy with all that surrounds her and her days are complete. 

Here's the real story. I got this amazing cuff last year at a jewelry party. High five myself. Libby Lou smiling at me to go pee. Office lunch of BBQ and potato salad in which I devoured every morsel and my fluffy agreed. A beautiful tree with pink blossoms outside my office building and our bathroom renovation which I designed and supervised..from a far. You'll see more of that later. 

Have a great weekend everyone. Don't forget. Soak in all that comes your way. Or ignore it, hell I don't care. Just blog about it so I can have some reading material.

Love,

Dusty 

Hot Tamale ..Because Shanna Said So

It's so Hot! Hot Tamale that is.. This girl is unbelievable and amazing. I can honestly say she's one of my girls. I am pretty positive that if I lived in Texas, we would be great friends. So much so that her husband would probably ground us from being together. Not only is she beautiful but has the most amazing fashion blogs which irritates the crap out of me because it makes me want to spend money I don't have. She's funny which is a must in my book of crazy but she's a mommy. And who doesn't want to follow along to a woman that can do it all and be sexy at the same time. So with pleasure I give you my friend, who I would fly to the moon and back to break out of jail, Shanna.


Okay, I am not going to lie. I emailed Dusty asking if I could be part of her little Hot Tamale club because, quite frankly, I just felt left out. Actually, I think it was because I wanted to pretend, just for one day, that I am as funny and bad ass as all the other Tamales. I truly did not think Dusty would hit the reply button to my email. I thought she would say, "I am sorry, I never got your message. It must have went into my SPAM. Sorry, Shanna, I already have Hot Tamales lined up through 2015." 

Well, this usually never happens, but I was WRONG. I was shocked when Dusty DID agree with allowing me become a coveted Hot Tamale. I mean, really? I am not near as cool as she is, don't even come close to one-upping her wise cracks or have the womanly balls to say the things she says.  But, hey, for some reason she put her full trust in me today.  Dusty, I hope I don't let you and your comedian readers down.

People, I am not very witty or clever with my words, but hopefully you will find at least one thing that's worthwhile while you read along today.

Okay, so here goes.

I am married to a crazy, studly, man snack named Ross the Hoss. Paws off ladies! I have been smitten by his good looks and charm since I was in the 7th grade.  I stalked him until he finally came to his senses and stalked me back. We have been married for almost 12 years and produced two, crazy beautiful little girls. Not only are they future Miss USA contestants, they get their charming personality from no other than, Moi!

Smoking hot, right? No, silly! The boy, not me. Stop being so nice!

They will be posting as a Hot Tamale one day.  Dusty, pencil them in.

Some other tidbits that just may tickle your fancy are as follows:

I love to drink alcohol. I am by no means a lushy drunk, but I do have a
little "medication" every night. I like to call it "Mommy Juice". Here is some proof that I am not picky. And don't go calling the AA hotline just yet.  This isn't all mine, just half of it. Can you say girl's weekend?  I keep good company.

I am a die hard San Antonio Spurs basketball fan. I cannot be your friend if you say one bad thing about them. So, DO NOT remind me that they didn't make it to the World Champs.

I could eat Jack in the Box every day of the week. Just give me some popper, buttermilk ranch, two tacos and diet Dr. Pepper and I am golden.

This handsome, hairy fellow is now our family pet. Ross the Hoss found it in our yard and we just couldn't let this sweet boy go.  KIDDING!  I hate him and he freaks me out, but I am a good wife and mom and got out voted. I guess it's better than a dog...no cleaning up shit, no vet visits, no shedding and we only have to feed it once a month. Sign me up.

AND LAST, BUT DEFINITELY NOT LEAST, FASHION IS WHAT I MOSTLY BLOG ABOUT.

I throw in some real life moments too.  I mean, there is no way in hell I could achieve 5 outfit posts a week. But, shopping and putting together outfits in my #1 hobby.  I am a bargain queen and have a serious Forever 21 fetish. Does that make me lame and shallow? Don't answer that.

So, there you have it. A little square inch of me. I am an official HOT TAMALE!! Holla!

Oh hey, don't forget to come visit me at Because Shanna Said So sometime soon! Okay, not sometime soon...like NOW! 

Good gawd I love her! Go over and love her until she can't go to Forever 21 anymore or is at least disabled. Ross will thank you later. Or thank me for the suggestion.


Happy Thursday,
Dusty


PS.. you wanna be a Hot Tamale, just give me a shout, or I may ask you anyway.

simple is best

There is no doubt I am a jeans and t shirt kind of girl. Lately, by that I mean everyday, I have found that sometimes just the simplest things, clothing, can be great if you just add a statement piece. I don't like to wear skirts. I have turkey thighs or so I think and I just feel weird in them. One of my phobias is to get out of that mode. I, if I have a meeting, am more likely to have on a great pant suit or dress pants with a fab top. But more often than not you will find me in jeans and a tshirt. Today is about simple. Be yourself and go with the flow. 

Source: target.com via Girls Love on Pinterest

I love pink..period the end.

Source: crowsnesttrading.com via Girls Love on Pinterest

I love turquoise..period the end.

Source: polyvore.com via Girls Love on Pinterest

I love that these jeans are destroyed and worn..period the end.

Source: ae.com via Girls Love on Pinterest

I love these shoes say summer and fall..period the end.

Source: google.es via Girls Love on Pinterest

I love every single thing about this from the hat (oh yes) down the the floor! 

Well, except her flat stomach, makes me want to burn

my corneas out because it looks so good.

So do you have a simple outfit? What is your go to if you wanted to be just you.

Be Who you Are,

Dusty

Pondering Still....

You know when I ponder its either good or bad. I observe everything. My brain never stops producing stupid. So here are a few things that I find funny. 

I love stupid commercials. So, I saw one on TV the other night for a warning about Yaz birth control. It was some law office stating that if you have suffered blood clots, stroke or even death to contact their office because you may be entitled to compensation. Uh, hey dick snap, how can I sue Yaz if I am dead? Does anyone but me notice these things ?

Now I know you don't like to watch commercials but watch this..you must or you won't understand my comments.. It's only 31 seconds, do it..

You know what would be hysterical? If the metal mouth sister just hauled off and punched her other sister right in the mouth. Really! Look at her and say, "now what are your junior high dance pictures gonna look like with you and little Ricky, ha, how'd do ya like me now?" That would be the bomb dot com. I think of this every single time I see this commercial. 

And finally, you have read my post about my battle with hemorrhoids. If not you can read it here. These suckers are still giving me fits. This weekend it felt like an Indian was playing "From a Wig Wam" on a tom tom in my butt. I swear these things are gonna be the death of me. My grandfather had them too. He once saw a commercial for Blue Star Ointment and that you could put this crap on anything and it would cure what ails ya. Well, he bought some, put it on his hemmies and proceeded to run around the room in circles. It's good for every other ailment but not hemmilites, but there's no where on the bottle does it state that. He should have sued. Stupid Commercials.

Happy Tuesday,

Dusty

9-1-1 What?

Sup! It's Monday! Sup! Shhh, story time. A few months back we had some people that were throwing cans at our house. Yes, you read that right. Throwing cans at our house. Why? Well, the mental capacity was apparently zero and they thought it was fun. I mean there are starving children in the world and they throw canned salmon at my house. Note to idiots I don't eat canned salmon. I called Duh and told him what happened in which he proceeds to tell me to go outside and see if our gate was still locked. I am no dummy. I watched the Scream movies. You go outside and you get kilt. So I said, uh, no and he called the neighbor and the police. After standing out on my back lawn screaming at the top of my lungs at these crazy people in which the lights all started to flip on in the neighborhood (I am now known as the crazy lady in the brown house, so proud), the police arrive at the wrong house. After motioning them to the correct house they came over, took my statement, went over to the house that was launching bombs and found that no one was so conveniently home. Funny, we saw them turn all the lights off. Well, long story short, they moved shortly after. But it made me think about our 911 system. So I decided to come up with a new improved version that will help the po-po's out and maybe increase response time. 

Here in Nashville, they all of the time are stressing to not call 911 unless it's a dire emergency to call the police hot line. Uh, really good plan. So here are the options I think would help out our serve and protectors.

"Ring, Ring" You have reached the 911 calling system. Please listen to the following options. 

For I shot the bitch, press 1 then the pound sign.

For I am so annoyed with the dogs constant barking and cats getting into my trash. Press 2 for poison control. They should be able to tell which chemicals to use to make an animal have the shits but do no harm then press the pound sign.

For my girlfriend stole my Nike Air Jordan collector shoes, check book and ran off with my neighbor press 3 and the pound sign.

For excessive noise maker by Karokee and/or redneck boom box coming from tall vehicles with mud flaps after college football game press 4 and the pound sign.

If you have dialed this number because your high as a giraffe's ass and drunk off your rocker, press 5 to be disconnected. You obviously butt dialed the Emergency Management System when you fell off the sidewalk. 

I am thinking this system could elevate all the useless explaining to the dispatcher and the police can react to our calls within a reasonable amount of time. 

Oh, and there should be survey involved. The Emergency Management System would like for you to take a brief survey to rate our fine response time. Press 6 and leave your comments after the tone. Press pound when you are finished. "Hey police department Fuh..beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep! Hmm, I, think my call was dropped or I entered into a dead zone.

Happy Monday,

Dusty

The End of Crazy

What a week, huh? I swear I have no idea what happened on my blog this week. It was like the Fast and the Furious and the brakes went out. I feel like I was absent but hopefully, I can make up the grade and pass with flying colors. Okay, so to end the week on a stupid note. I, to poke fun at my long lost seester, Justyn, made a Vlog for giggles because there is a link up called What's In Your Closet hosted by a slew of roosterbitches. It was meant as a joke, but I thought that since I busted out of the gate this week and landed myself 200 followers, I would reward you with more stupid than you can handle. I mean can you imagine. That's 12,691 less than The Daybook Fashion blog. Look out Sydney, I am coming for you. 

Take a note, that this will probably be my first and last Vlog and the only reason I posted it was because some nice people said some pretty nice things about me this week and I wanted to show them the real life of cray cray and the kid that is apparently dangling out of my butthole as you will hear in this video.

So as you can see, I am not one with a video camera. And as I set here in horror eating my Lean Quizine, please remember that at precisely midnight this video will be set to private or deleted and never to be seen again. I mean seriously, some New York magazine may want to use this piece of crap for inspiration and I cannot allow copyright unless there are substantial fees involve. I should be paid for stupid right?

Happy Friday,

Dusty

PS ..This was filmed at about 9 pm. I had no idea how to turn on the light for the recorder in the beginning, I hadn't combed my hair and had already taken off every stitch of war paint. Don't hate!

From Blog Life to Real Life Link Partay

So when I saw this link up announcement I thought it would be a blastola. I link up with different people but this should be a fun way to get to know what other people  Here's the 411 from the 

This little questionnaire will be so fun because once you fill it out, you can run over to their blog and let them know you answered a question about them! It will be so fun to see what all of your friends are putting, and hey, the best part is that you get to meet some new bloggers in process. It's a win-win!

Here are the questions below! I hope you guys have so much fun answering them and letting your friends know that you may secretly want to raid their closet or be on the same reality show :)

The Questions:


1. Do you have any real life blog friends? Yes, I mean one's I chat with on a daily basis but haven't met because they all live miles away. Texas, Utah, Oregon, South Carolina, West Virginia, but I am hoping to meet up with Justyn and Nikki this year if the clouds move the right way.


2. Which blogger are you just dying to meet? Oh, gosh this is tough because there are several. I am going to say all of them. I am a people person. There's enough of me to go around.

3. Which blogger's closet do you want to raid? Emmett over at Hippie Lace I heart her alot and am trying to convince her to send me her whole wardrobe. She was one of my first fashion bloggers I followed and she's stuck with me. Then there is Marion over at Marion Berry Style. Seriously, I am trying to get her to trade legs with me but I think she's not going to give in. 

4. You are stuck on an island. Which blogger would you want with you to help you survive? Twiggy, The Dirt Life. She can climb mountains and I pretty sure talk to the wild. Shay, Red Lipstick and Melodies  because she would have a stash of candy we could live on for a while, and Whitney, As Luck Would Have it because she could build us a bike out of bamboo.


5. The first blogger you remember "meeting" and connecting with ? MaKaila, Distincly M. There is no doubt about it. I love this girl. We chat daily and give each other advice. Just general conversation. She is one of my bloggy BFF's.I will meet her one of these dayz. I admire her so much and think she is one of the most beautiful people. Hello, People Magazine, here she is.


6. Any blogger that you admire and look up to? No question, Ruthie Hart! Ruthie Hart! The Chronicles of Ruthie Hart. She was the first blogger to help me, give me advice, be kind and generous when other bloggers wouldn't even email me back (that's right you big time witches, be kind to the little folk). I think she has to be an inspiration to a lot of people and I reckon I will share. She is the most genuine person. I hope I meet her one day.


7. Who is the craziest/funniest blogger? Jes, Two Smuppies I love that she is carefree and fun. We are bloggy friends and I love her. 


8. There's a reality television show for bloggers, who would you want to be casted with you? Shanna, Because Shanna Said So, oh the fun we would have, trading clothes because she's beautimus and stylish (which means me stealing them) and then we'd probably be escorted off the show. I seriously picture slumber parties with her and laughing so hard we snort, Jamie, Mrs. Independent, because we can pretend to be Housewives and prank people, Shannon, Bungalow 960 because she's really smart and could keep us all settled and calm, Meg, Henning Love, she cooks, Duh! Miki, Becoming What I Always Was, she would bring her dog, Tiffany, The Coffee House, she's got sarcasm, Kelsey, A Muse In Purple, we can cuss under our breath together.


9. Some bloggers have really cool jobs, anybody you'd like to swap careers with? Any blogger who doesn't work and is independently wealthy. Go ahead and send me an email. I have credentials ready to be lazy.


10. Favorite blog design? Julie, The Funny Thing Of It Is and Amanda, Maggiano Takes Austin.


Oh, I added a question. 


11. Bloggers that peak your interest? Lindsey, A Little Bit of Life, Marcie Jean,Sigh and Sanity, and Kristen, This Radiant Life

So there you have it, now that doesn't mean that the other blogs I follow don't get me all stinked up. Cause I love them. I do! And I am sure in time, I will most defiantly get to fill in the blanks with, "yes, they are all my blogger friends!" Go over and see these chicks! I made it easy and linked 'em up.

Happy Thursday,

Dusty

Hot Tamale ..The Story of Daisy Girl

Yes, you are seeing this correctly. Hot Tamale on Wednesday. I am participating in a link up on Thursday over at The Magnolia Pair and Lovely Little Things so I decided that this little gem would be featured on Hump Day. Daisy resides over at The Story of Daisy Girl blog and she is faboo. Not only is she the sweetest flower, I mean who doesn't love a girl named Daisy, she's beautiful inside and out. I love reading her adventures and she's a newlywed and you should defiantly go over and check out her blog. She is a piece of sunshine.


Hello Everyone, I am so excited to be here on Dusty's blog! It's a little intimidating mostly because Dusty is so bad ass and I'm well... not. She's like the cool girl in blog land who doesn't care what other people think. Which is what I love most about her!!! Mainly because I'm the complete opposite. I read through all the Hot Tamale post hoping that mine wasn't the worst one. If that doesn't have lame written all over it I don't know what does.

So a little about me.

I'm a newlywed. No kids. I can't keep a secret. Seriously. To save my life. My best friend was getting married about 2 years ago and she mentioned to me how they were not using birth control. So we were all out camping and someone asked her if they wanted to have kids right away and I blurt out, "they're not using condoms of course they're going to get pregnant". Apparently that's not something she wanted me to share.

I am an ex heifer. Yup I use to be fat back in the days, that is why I have such a great personality. That is also why I have such a sick obsession with food. I am probably the only bride who actually ate at her wedding. I had some of my husbands food too. Have you seen Bride Wars? Enough said.

I am married to the hottest guy ever. Seriously. It's like Hugh Jackman and Chris Hemsworth had a baby. If anybody says otherwise they're a dirty liar. Here are some pictures that pretty accurately describes us.

I would love to move to the middle of nowhere if someone could promise me that my life won't become a criminal minds episode.

Walmart is my arch nemesis. I HATE that place! It is loud, crowded, smelly, crowded, messy, crowded. But somehow I always end up there buying something. Curse your convenient store hours. What's so amazing to me about Walmart is that it is ALWAYS crowded. Not just one, all of them. How could there be that many people in the world to always fill up Walmart!!? Grrr.

I want to be a bad ass. I think that's why I like Dusty so much. I love to imagine starting a fight with someone and going all karate kid on them (mostly at Walmart). I want to be tough and cool and have people think of me as that girl you don't want to mess with. Then I eat some ice cream and I'm over it.

I enjoy having meaningful conversations. I'm sorry but I can't talk about The Kardashians for 20min, I need something a little more substantial.

Our family loves Christ and seeks to serve Him above all things. My blog pretty much covers all of these things with the occasional recipe, craft, and Monk quote.

I hope I don't loose any readers because of this. I want to thank Dusty for allowing me to write here after I harassed her enough times. You guys are the best! Thanks for having me.

The Story of Daisy Girl Blog

A-DOR-ABLE! I heart Daisy. So go over and see her, stalk her, love her, and cuddle her. Well, ask her husband first, but she's amazing and I know she would love the company and don't forget to leave her some lovin' here too!

Don't forget to check out the link up. I hope everyone participates. I think it will be a riot. 


Happy Wednesday and if you wanna be a Hot Tamale just shout it out or I may just ask you anyway.

Dusty

Come Visit

Today is Tuesday, June 12th, 2012 like you didn't know the date and I am over visiting Katie at The Lee Family Happenings.

Katie just had a beautiful baby girl, Aurora and also has a sweet boy, Liam. She asked me if I would guest post for her and so I decided to go outside my box just a bit and tell my pregnancy and birth story. A rare treat since I haven't talked about it too much. So come on over and visit me over there. We aren't going to have tea or anything just so I warn you in advance but you do get to see a little bit more of me then you can come back over a tell me what you think, which I know you don't have a problem doing anyway.

Click here, do it, I dare ya!

Happy Tuesday,

Dusty

Toe Jam

Why is it that the weekends are never long enough? You have Saturday to recover from the week and the Sunday you just get started and Wham! It's over like a cheap date. We have been remodeling the house and that crap will be soon to follow, but I wanted to share my weekend recap. 

You have heard me speak of my worthless guard dogs. Well, the million dollar baby, Mille who is 13 and has cost me enough money to build a mansion did it again. This dog who wasn't supposed to live past five years old because she had a liver shunt. Fifteen hundred dollars at three months old, she was good as new. I was prepared. But people don't put their kids to sleep if they are sick, so I saved her ever loving life. She's had ever ailment in the world on top of being Marley's from the movies long lost twin and being so rambunctious and destructive. She chewed my shoes until she was 5 and a little love tap or two fixed that after she destroyed my favorite pair. So this weekend, why would it be any exception that another trip to the vet was necessary?

Thursday night the dog which can barely walk decided to take a cannonball launch off he porch and landed on the kid's skateboard and did the doggy splits. Duh wakes me up and says Mille is bleeding bad. So we go outside, doctor her up and find out she broke her toenail. No big deal right? Wrong! She broke it all the way back to her paw toe into the pad. So after two days of carrying around an 80 pound dog to eat, drink and do her business, which also resulted in my hoisting her onto a sheet on Friday night and dragging her threw the house, we took her Saturday to the vet. They ended up having to remove her toenail. She was a brave girl. Moma, well not so much. I left the room and then came back in to her foot all bandaged up and the vet tech cleaning up blood. I, needless to say, cried like an baby. We opened to door to go home thinking we were going to have to carry her out to the truck and the dog got up and looked like the road runner making a bee line for the door. Faker! 

So, $116 smacks later, with drugs and dog in hand we head home..oh, with our toenail.

Gross huh? Yep, but I thought I had to give you the full effect.

We came home and gave her a good brushing. She sheds like a monster beast and twice a year she gets her polar bear coat and it looks like another dog resides in our home. Our neighbors love us when a good wind blows.

She loves to be brushed

And some lamb farmer would be so jealous right now

look at all that fur

And here she is Sunday morning. Lying out in the construction zone

Added to her list of nicknames is club foot

I have taken this dog to the vet in the last three months for doggy hemorrhoids and now she lacks a toe nail. What's next a doggy root canal? I love her, she's my baby but it sure sucks to be 91 in dog years. Oh, and they told us she was slightly overweight. Really? You have seen her for 10 years, have told this for 10 years and let me see, does it look like she's gonna change her eating habits? We promptly went out and bought her a hamburger for being such a good girl. Diet schmiet!

Happy Monday,

Dusty 

Ho, Hum

Well, I am constipated this week because I don't have a photo dump unless you wanna see a picture of my kid with drool down his cheek.

Instead, I thought I would say that my week was just a barrel of ticks and fleas. I had an argument with the men at my office on whether people in the south really say tornado or tornader. Ugh! I flexed out. I understand you hoss grinders think that southerners have two teeth and drink from a jug, and when I say white it has six syllables, but I am not so uneducated that I say effing tornader. Seriously, its almost like the I can say what I want to about my moma but don't you talk about my moma mentality. 

Other than searching for the perfect nachos recipe on Pinterest, nothing exciting but my Hot Tamale guest and this little beauty happened. I got a sweet comment that I was nominated for an award. I love those dang things. It makes me feel like someone does really like me. 

Thank you to Jessica over at Girl on Film for the shout out. I know your supposed to nominate others but I can't do it. I think all bloggers are fantaboo in their own right and this includes you Jessica. Insert blowing kisses motion, muah, muah!

I hope everyone has a great weekend. I am feeling feisty so I will probably do a few dozen cartwheels and put on the tightest sweat pants I have with some over the knee hooker boots and walk into the most upscale boutique and do the stripper shake. 

Happy Friday!

Dusty

Hot Tamale ..As Luck Would Have It

Hot Tamale get it while its hot! Today, we have Whitney from As Luck Would Have It. This girl is a hoot. We started following each other about a month or so ago. One Saturday, reading through all of my blogs, I come to her post that says, "I'm terminal. I've given myself two months" Well, being the mother hen, I was like oh, no! And then I read it again and busted a gut. Ding, ding the light bulb went off and I was just in love ever since. I love a good blogger who is a little on the whacked side and she is defiantly one to follow along. This girl is too purty and rides motor bikes, people! She rocks! So take it away...

I'm so excited to be hanging out at Dusty's place today. Nice change of scenery for me. Plus, her blog is one of the most amazing treasures I have ever found. I am so stoked she asked me to guest post. And by asked, I mean, I forced myself on her. Take it how you want.

She told me I could blog about anything I wanted and I had a list of possible topics. I decided to forget the  list and write about the most interesting thing I know about: Me.

My name is Whitney

I am your typical blogger with the crafts and the recipes and my babies. Oh, how I love to blog about my babies. I have six. 3 girls and 2 boys. PAH! I totally had you going. Those are all lies. Except my name..my name is really Whitney. I don't craft (not because I don't want to, I just lack talent when it comes to that delightful junk) I cook when I have time, but it's usually frozen pizzas or Marie Calender pot pies, I do believe I am in the negatives when it comes to being baby hungry and 3+2 doesn't equal 6.

So you want the truth do you? Well, the truth is I am married to the hottest man in the universe with 1000000000+ in sex appeal. He pretty much blasted my panties off the first time he looked at me. 

whoa...where'd my panties go?

We dated for about a year and a half and he decided he didn't want me getting away so he slapped a ring on it. And look at us now- Provo's Most Awesome Couple.We both work for the same company.  He mans a radioactive gauge day in and day out while I work up in the mountains in a lab washing dirt. Sounds a bit redundant, doesn't it?

Truthfully, I do a lot more than just "washing" it. My job is actually very important, but we tell people I'm a dirt washer because it's easier than explaining what I really do. Also, it's a funny nickname, like calling a ginger a fire-crotch, or a muggle-born a mudblood. Except "mudblood" isn't funny, it's highly offensive. Apologies to all you muggle-borns.

We're a pretty entertaining bunch, enough to get us through the day.  Flanders likes anything with a motor and loves to spend money. I like poetry and "that's what she said" jokes. Why just last night I made off with an inappropriate joke and Flanders said to me, "You're the whole package, you know that?" and I was a little caught off guard by his sudden sweet comment and I was all, "really, why?" and he was like, "you have looks AND personality." and I was all, "awww, baby." and then he was like, "...all you lack is morals." But you know what? He loves me anyway, and that ladies and gentlemen, is love. Come on over to hang out with Sexy Flanders and me.  Well, it's mostly me. Flanders takes advantage of my blog time to read about cars and motorcycles. Men....

See I told ya! I am pretty sure she is terminal...Crazy! So go over and say howdy and leave her some love on this here blog cause I know she reads it. 

blog/Instagram

Hot Thursday,

Dusty

P.S. If you wanna join the Hot Tamales, give me a shout or I may just ask you anyway!

One Shoulder

There is something mysterious about showing a little skin. No, I don't mean go out with your thong bikini to the beach and shake it like a Polaroid picture. I mean a little here or there. Baring your legs in a great pair of shorts or an off the shoulder shirt. Of course for me the one shoulder shirts remind me of the 80's and 90's era and I can't help to sing "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" at the top of my lungs. But its back with a vengeance. An updated hot version of Flashdance in 2012. And if I wasn't built like a linebacker, I would probably wear these alot more. They work for me in some ways, I got perky tits which translates to pebbles bouncing freely not making that much of an impression. And of course the girls with the jugs can put on a strapless and spin around like Wonder Woman.

Source: solowstyle.com via Girls Love on Pinterest

Source: shopthetrendboutique.com via Girls Love on Pinterest

Source: fanpop.com via Toria on Pinterest

So you see these aren't for working out. They are pretty hot! I likey likey. What's your take on the off the shoulder style?

Happy Wednesday!

Dusty

Santa is a.....

This past week I was talking about someone and made reference to a mooch hooker. Yeah, I know another Dusty saying. Then I pretty much had to come up with a reasoning behind it or who for example could be a mooch hooker and my answer is Santa! 

I have come to the conclusion that Santa is a prostitute. I mean seriously who other than God does a kid age 2 until about 10 does a kid look up to just as much but a fat man in a suit that brings so called free gifts. Every year he hooks himself out. Really? Yes, think about it. Starting the day after Thanksgiving, the man basically turns into a male ho ho and who takes advantage of it? All the mothers out there that want the imaginary gift of sugar plums and candy canes dancing in our kids heads. Last year alone, we paid out about $500 smacks to this guy. Talk about bend over and not get kissed. I wonder if I walk into Toys R Us and tell him to give me a good spanking if I'd get arrested? 

He has the best set up a mooch hooker could have. He sells his face and body to every retail store across the country. Sets on a chair for kids and drunk women to have their picture taken and for a whopping $5 dollars, you get a Polaroid picture for life. I don't know many prostitutes that want their picture taken and posted on a Christmas card with the words, "have a great holiday season". 

Santa's also bad for the environment. We have all these tree huggers claiming global warming and he's the worst violator there is. He prints his face on every roll of wrapping paper and I being a good paying desperate customer, buy the shit up and wrap the kids gifts in this hookers paper all so my kid will feel the joy of hard work by the pimp and his elves. Two hundred and fifty square feet of a paper to wrap a non-recyclable box with a wooden toy train in is one whole tree that could have lived and provided oxygen for my kid. Great now he's taking the air away for me to breath. I mean we go to the dump to take our trash off and the dumpster biatch screams we must put the plastic in this dumpster and the cardboard over across the lot, but Santa kills a forest for monetary gain and its perfectly fine. 

The only person that really has the best deal out of all this is Mrs. Claus. I mean her husband  brings home the bacon and fries it up in the pan and you can't tell me she is just happy that all the kids out there in the world made the list. I believe she goes over to the land of misfit toys and has either her way with the lion emperorer or the pink polka dotted elephant makes her a present that starts up with about 110 volts. 

The only person in this world that can get away with selling his soul to the whole population and do it with a smile on his face and a fat belly. 

So think about this when December 24th rolls around, he turns his only trick of the year and you're opening that beautiful gift with his face on it. You just paid a mooch hooker.

Happy Tuesday,

Dusty

Say What?

How was your weekend? Delish? Mine involved home improvement but that's another story. I'll get to it a few posts down the road. The anticipation of holding your butt cheeks together for that long will bring you back to it in a few weeks. 

So, over the course of blogging I have had several personal emails about where I come up with the crap I talk about. The answer who knows. I think of it and then I twist it until it is a dry wash rag and then put it in the compose section of this blog. Then I get a lot of responses about my "sayings". So what better time than now to give you a little up to speed version of some of my declariations in the world of Dusty. I will give you the phrase or word and use it in a sentence. Pretend I am a college professor educating you in country hick English. Here goes.

Hot Snot..I have the most amazing friends. They are hot snot! If Rachel Zoe can have Ba-Nan-As. I can have Hot Snot. The end.

Hit in the head with a wet squirrel..I would rather be hit in the head with a wet squirrel than go see the new Star Wars 3D movie. (this is truly what I said to my friend Wendy when she asked me to go with her and I truthfully have never seen a wet squirrel.)

Sexier than boots on a duck..Girl, look at you all looking good in your sundress and Payless pumps. You are sexier than boots on a duck.

Burn my eyes with a cuban cigar..My corneas will never be the same. I would rather burn my eyes out with a cuban cigar than see a guy on the beach in a speedo.

Ants eat a bail of hay..Going to the grocery store is like watching ants eat a bail of hay. It's torture.

Watching turtles mate.. I stood in line forever. It was like watching turtles mate at the zoo.

Ass end out of a menstruating skunk. This one my brother says, but I have used it a time or two. I am so hungry I could eat the ass end out of a menstruating skunk. 

So there you have it. I hope this clears things up a bit. I am sure I will give you more of these in the future. But these play an important part of my English language and conversations I have with others. In the south, we are very descriptive and it just makes sense (to us). If I tell someone I am going to hit them upside the head with a wet squirrel them's fightin' words. 

Have a great Monday everyone.

Dusty

Sometimes

Sometimes in life we see things in a new light

it becomes very clear

We either take a nose dive or jump right in

But through it we do it with a great big smile

The moral of this story is...this old chick got new specs with bi-focals which only help solidify that I am 40. Thank you Dr. Eye Bastard. My son who does the best belly flops in the world. No worries he wasn't injured...for long, and yes, that is my Libby Lou after a long day of chasing flies getting a belly rub from dad. It is the best face ever. 

Have a great weekend,

Dusty