It's A Fact Jack!

There are so many things I love about being southern. Although there is a great misconception. I am still trying to figure out why? I mean where else could you have Swamp People, Duck Dynasty and Honey Boo Boo? I can't see where people in other parts of the country would get that southern people are rednecks, do you? Jerks. 

I mean where else do people take a deer and make it into twelve gourmet meals. You have deer chili, deer stew, deer steak, deer spaghetti, deer roast, deer jerky and deer sausage. Kill alligators, squirrels, rattlesnakes and whip up some frog legs and we will claim it tastes like chicken. Bobby Flay my ass.

You go up North and ask for sweet tea and they look at you like popped a lens out of your Ray Bans. Believe me I did this once or twice. But if you don't have sweet tea in the fridge then its the Anti-Christ. Life as you know it is over. People with diabetes will soon die. 

Other parts of the country people eat their eggs with some dude named Benedict. Here we slap on some ketchup and gulp it up. I mean ketchup is the secret sauce in these here parts.

We can make a god damn pie out of anything. Apples, peaches, pears, cherries, chocolate, lemons, pecans, chess and dirt. And if there is a cook out instead of making it round, we might throw it in a 9" x 13" baking pan and call it cobbler just to fake you out.

If you ask people what the national anthem is they will tell you any Lynyrd Skynyrd song and stand up, take their hats off and more than likely have some obnoxious yelling in the background. It's our way of ad-libbing a song. I mean who really needs a song celebrating our country that you can't dance too. Have you ever tried to two step to the Star Spangled Banner? I think not.

We are also handy people. We take old school buses and turn them into fine homes. At one time or another it's every girls dream in the South to get past second base on a school bus, so daddy moved us in.

It's nothing if you lose a tooth, just means you can sip through a straw better. Seriously, it's called a tooth brush not a teeth brush. 

I have never understood the fight between the North and South. You mother fuckers up North win. Why? Because we are down here sweating our balls off killing alligators, whippin' up pies, honky tonkin', and decorating our new trailer on wheels with a confederate flag as a bed spread. You bitches are all frozen and preserved which kept at a slightly cooler temperature will be able to thaw in the spring and live to tell about it. We are all dead by then from massive heart attacks from doing all the above. We even make love in grease. 

Shi-yut people! I rest my case that the South will rise again.. Sweet Home Alabama. Where the skies are so blue..every one show some respect. Where can I sign up to work at the Chamber of Commerce?

Happy Tuesday,

Dusty