Monday, October 1, 2012

Hit Me Baby No More Times

This weekend flew by and was jammed packed. The kid has his last baseball game of the season and I survived not being kicked out of the ball park. My mom brought me these cassette tapes on Saturday, so yesterday we decided to watch them and it was of my son when he was about 3 months old. It brought back so many memories. There were tears while nobody was looking of course. One of my step dad who passed away in January holding him in the air so proud and of his baptism in the Catholic church while we all were sweating like pigs. Gawd, it was so hot that day. 

There are so many bloggers I follow that are pregnant and as my kid is seven, they grow up so fast. Look out followers, this could be a one and only Mom blog post. I know your not used to that. And although I sometimes wish I could go back and kiss that baby face a thousand more times, I also don't miss all the work. At this age, I can sleep at least until 7:30 when he then comes in to tell me he's hungry or needs to pee. All the while staring right into my face about 2 inches away. I don't miss the dirty diapers although the poop now is more on display for royal purposes. At two years old, I had my own personal courtesy flusher because he loved the toilet, but now it's "mom, come look at this thing, its made a complete circle and looks like a snake." 

I especially don't miss the late night feedings. I chose not to breast feed. It was a weigh your options really. The kid on the boob or the husband. I chose the husband and now after 14 years it's mostly just choosing to put on a bra every day for them that's a treat. I remember when my milk came in and for the first time I had porno tits. Perfectly round softball tibbies. I cried. I wished for boobs all my life and someone told me if I didn't breast feed then they would stay like that. Effing liars! They shrank and droop. But there was something about the boob that my son always loved. I swear if you had them and he was crying like a wild wolf, lay him on a set of kahunas and the kid was out for the count. Big boobs to a baby are like a sleep number bed to an adult. Seriously, if you had medium boobs and moved around it could have been the quarter in the heart bed at a sleazy motel, but if you had double D's? Total make-out session on a water bed at sixteen. I prefer to think that he just loved me anyway and loved my singing. 

Babies are the greatest gifts from God, I truly believe that, but God didn't tell you about the maintenance kits that come along with it. There isn't a manual. And as they get older I am still looking for the manual. Cars come with manuals. Toys come with manuals. Kids come with "good luck sucker, don't screw it up, not returnable." When they are babies all you want them to do is say moma and at seven all you want them to do is stop talking for five minutes. There are days I want to change my name to something unpronounceable.

But I will say this, if I never do anything else in my life, I am perfectly fine with that. He's my best friend and at sixteen probably won't think so, but I could not love one thing more.  And yes, he's growing up so fast, but I cannot wait to see what he's going to become although if he doesn't get the mouth of the south in check he may be talking like one of the guys from Swamp People. So, now that my chest is nothing more that a piece of plywood to him, I am his source of food only through the grocery store and rattles have turned into baseball bats, my heart is what he will always have.

Congrats to all the new mom's and soon to be mommies. I hope your sleep number beds are on level 75 and throw in some memory foam. You're going to need it.

Happy Monday,
Dusty    

26 comments:

  1. Awww. I can't wait to have little kiddos. Only two though. 2 and then one of us is having an operation.

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  2. You would make a hilarious mommy blogger, if that's what you really wanted to do with this space. But everything you blog about is funny, so it's only natural.

    My friends with kids told me to enjoy being able to go bra-less to bed. They told me that ends after having kids. Sad.

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  3. Mines only 2.5 but I am pregnant again and NOT looking forward to being tired again. My daughter Is pretty easy now. It's scary to imagine starting all over. And I got my boobies upgraded since I had her and now I'm terrified my new baby is going to ruin them. Damn babies.

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  4. I so love this post! Dusty, you're my freaking hero! Oh, that should've been on the Target post, huh? LOL We have so much in common, it's ridiculous - we both have November birthdays, we're in our 40's, I have one son, he's 9 and a husband of 12 years. I love that little boy of mine to pieces, he's my heart and soul. And dh too! LOL

    I just love your humor! I probably shouldn't tell you this, but I did breastfeed and I'm still pretty happy with my boobs. LOL

    Babies truly are the greatest gift from God. :)

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  5. you are such a cool mom. I am so scared about having babies. especially because I am barely functioning now. what happens when I am responsible for a life?! oh boy. but that good to know about big boobs. I got em. maybe I will have good sleeping babies.

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  6. Ahhh... this is the sweetest post that makes me want to again postpone my babymaking attempts another six months. Damn all these pregnant bloggers and new mommy bloggers fogging my decisionmaking!

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  7. I love your entire paragraph about breast feeding and boobs. So educational! I think you'd be a hilarious mommy blogger... there just aren't enough of those.

    xo, Yi-chia
    Always Maylee

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  8. Oh your take on life just makes me laugh and I love every single minute of it!
    This was sweet in a Dusty sweet sort of way!!

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  9. This post is one more reason I look through my blog list to see what you have to say!! I am a mom of two kids and oh yes I love them. BUT how do I love them now that they are getting older and more independent! They can feed themselves, wipe themselves (ok some better then others), they can put their clothes on/off/away!! So for me I love to see others pregnant and having babies - because that means I don't have to :)

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  10. You took the words right out of my mouth...except the snake turd...my girls aren't proud of theirs. ;) And, yes, the best advice is to sleep NOW because it all ends once that bambino pops out! I love that kid of yours and you too...here's to the day we all meet....

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  11. Ohmygawd, sometimes, I scream inside my head "shhhhhuuuuush up!!!!!" cause you nailed it- they never stop talking!! Babies. What would you do without them.

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  12. Aww- you're such a sweet momma! Not only do you make me teary and full of "aww, so sweet" thoughts, but then you make me giggle! Your son is so lucky to have such a rad mom!

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  13. I am a mom of a 4 year old boy and he never stops talking either! I couldn't imagine my life without him but I doubt I will be having anymore. Beacuse like you, I don't miss changing diapers and late night feedings!

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  14. My children verdict is still out, but I will keep the boobies in mind. I could use a boost, even if temporary.

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  15. it is true...
    i could not love one single thing more than i love my progeny.
    there's something about making a person that is fascinating and just pulls all the love you have to the surface.
    p.s.
    i hope to NOT have another kid for a very long time.
    one is enough for me at the moment, thanks ;)

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  16. This is a great post, really sweet. :)

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  17. This is a lovely post! I have two that made it through 16, and everyone warned me how bad it was going to be, but it wasn't. I have one who's 13 now, and she's a gem too. Something cool is just always going on, no matter the age. :)

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  18. Hahaha love it. I don't even read mommy posts I can't relate and I could really care less that the little shits rolled over

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  19. I love how real this post is! I can't even begin to imagine how much work it is to keep up/raise a kid. Kuddos!
    Isn’t That Charming.

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  20. This is probably my favorite post I have read this year. I love that you embrace the age - seems like everyone laments missing the baby, and sometimes I do wish Guinevere would let me snuggle her close, but damn, does the good outweigh the bad. Esp communication. So awesome. And I love that he calls u in the bathroom to see "snakes". I just text those pics to Tyler ;-)

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  21. I'm living with my best friend and her itty bitty one is 6 months. I fall in love with her everyday. She is a little beast most days and I feel for Megan so much but the joy she brings, always out weighs everything. Some day...some day I'll have my own little baby dino...

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  22. I loved reading this: such a real post. I am in no way ready for baby making yet, but I do enjoy hearing people talk about their children, especially when it is so honest. It makes me a little less scared for when it is my turn!

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  23. I was looking for the baby's manual this evening. She looked at my like I had lost my mind while she cried on. Oh man. Let me tell you... manuals would be nice.

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  24. I was waiting for a mommy post from you! I loved reading this.

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  25. I have none, but I want one or two :) What you said is truth, sister! It's just the way it is. It's not unicorns, cakes, and magical fairies; it's hard ass work! But worth every minute of it in the end.

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  26. i love what you share with us. and this post is too sweet. i have younger siblings and sometimes i miss them as children, but then yes, not for the lots of work,haha.

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