Friday, May 31, 2013

I Took A Dump!

"Beginnings are usually scary, endings are usually sad, but it's the what's in the middle that counts. So when you find yourself at the beginning, just give hope a chance to float up. And it will." -Hope Floats

I love that quote from one of my favorite movies. So, whether it's renewing old friendships with a night out, succeeding in class, working your way up the top or realizing life is moving on, make everyday count.

Have a great weekend friends,

Thursday, May 30, 2013

Oh! What a Night!

Last week, I posted just a little fragment of a throw back picture on Instagram. This week I am sharing the whole photo for those of you that didn't get to see it on my personal Facebook. And then it's story time.

(L to R: Rachel, Mary, Carla, Me, Stephanie, Becca)

So you know I have been pondering life lately, friendships and my future. Like I have said, with my sweet Mary moving away, I don't want to regret not spending time with people that I love and reconnecting to the friends who truly were and are my friends. These five women were in my life for a reason and this night was no exception. Here is a little back story and then a little about this night. 

It was 2003, my Bachelorette party. We drove to Atlanta for the weekend. I was once engaged to a guy. A great guy who brought some great people into my life. Let me just get this out of the way. I don't like hurting people unless I am defending my family or friends. We were together for a while. We had a great life. This was one of the happiest times in my life. But I hurt him and a lot of people. I strayed. I thought I wasn't worthy. I was fooled. The relationship because souly of me ended. I apologize to him, all of these people above and all of the people that I hurt during this time. 

As I raise my child, I find it sometimes difficult teaching him the lessons in life when myself need to rectify certain things that of happened over the last several years. Since having him I have done everything in my power to do the right things.  He was a wonderful guy, with a great family. I was lost. I hope someday there is forgiveness because we share some of the same friends. But after this ended there was a separation. Everyone went different directions. I know he doesn't read this blog nor gives a flying rats ass but from the bottom of my heart I am sorry to you and your family. I wish you well. I know that he has married now. I hope he's doing great happily married, receiving bunches of hugs and kisses with children running around and if its any consolation my life didn't end with a happy ending. It ended with a womanizing, cheating douchebag. I received my karma Mr. P. But, I do have a wonderful son out of it and I move on to find happiness for me and my child.

Okay, I feel better now. This was an eventful weekend. We started out on a road trip in a van driven by Stephanie, who bought it shortly before. We made a quick trip to pick up her tags and off we went. The ride down in the tube of death was eventful. After getting lost trying to find the hotel, crossing 4 lanes of traffic at wharp speed, we finally arrived. 

Saturday we got ready, went riding around Buckhead to find a party place. A guy standing outside with a megaphone shouted, "We want you on our bar!" Huh? My Aunt Carla said, "We are going in for one drink and leaving." Guess what? We never left. Coyote Ugly, we left our hearts with you! Here are the events of all these beautiful women above.

Rachel: My cousin. I think she slept through most of the death ride. I deemed her full of useless knowledge on this trip because she claimed to know Brad Pitt's birthday and all celebrity gossip. It was also discovered that after returning to our hotel and we were getting dressed for bed. I looked over and noticed that her bra and thong were neon green as she was bent over. In a drunken stupor, I yelled, "Oh, my god her ass just swallowed Kermit the Frog!" We laughed and snorted for a long time until passing out. 

Mary: Mary and Carla were no good on the way down. Mooning the interstate traffic. Mary and Becca in this friendship were the Jagermeister queens. Give them a bottle and usually Mary ended up on my floor. The highlight of this weekend was when the music was blaring and she is standing on the back of the booth, security had asked her to get down. After doing mouth to mouth shots of some clear liquid, looked at us and him and said, "He doesn't fucking know me!" She clapped her hands as to turn him off like a clapper light contraption and continued to dance. She only did so dancing while drunk. She eventually ordered food at Waffle House, passed out at the bar, woke up, went outside, and tried to get into the wrong van. Mary 0 - Coyote Ugly 1.

Carla: My aunt. My rock. The sensible one screaming at Mary not to do mouth to mouth shots. She's a nurse. Mary didn't care. At one point, I looked up and she had been swept off her feet by a gentleman. Literally in the air. It probably would have been fun but I think she was afraid her tits were going to pop out. She also couldn't believe that my cousin was wearing a lime green thong. Trust me. It was traumatic. 

Dusty: Had my hot pants on. Danced like I was a Solid Gold dancer. These were the days I wore a thong. This was the last weekend I did so. I am fairly certain, that I had to use a metal detctor to retrieve it from so far up my crack. At one point during the night while shaking my money maker, someone slipped $20 bucks in said thong that apparently was hanging out my hot pants. Sober I would have thrown the money back at them. Drunk, I bought a round for my friends. I am caring like that. I threw all thongs away after arriving home.

Stephanie: Driver of the Tube of Death. Has an unmistakable laugh. She's a people watcher and very hella tall. She and I line danced until my feet hurt. And she smoked the longest cigarettes in the world. Windshield pokers. I swear they were weapons. Beautiful heart and always in control. A little flirt. I think she did a little dirty dancing herself with a few. But if she was drunk I was drunker because I never could tell. 

Becca: My partner in crime. The calm one. Laughed until she cried. She and Rachel conspired alot I am sure. She's a silent dancer. Could drink us under the table. By the end of the night she was slurring her words. I always love when she got hammered, she pronounced everything slowly. She was the co-pilot. At one point, I am sure her eyes popped out of her head while riding in the bullet and prayed to Baby Jesus. This also was one of those rare moments she wore her hair down and had makeup on. She made me aware of this after seeing this photo.

So my point to this story is this. I love these girls. This was one of the best times of my life. Yes, we gathered for a reason, but that is the past. My future is to re-connect and although one of us is missing, we will toast in her honor and send her photos. I want to be able to say, "hey, lets get together and not let anything stop us." I am too old to dance on table tops again, but I do want to revive these friendships. For these five I will love forever. Next weekend, its Honky Tonk time and I get to see a few of these girls. I absolutely can not wait.

Happy Throwback Thursday,

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Honky Tonkin' Time in Tennessee

I have decided that its sort of time to get my buns in gear and live life a little bit. If you remember a few weeks ago I posted about my friend Mary moving away. It really put things in perspective for me. I don't want to spend my life missing my friends. I don't go out as often as I should but I decided that even with being a mom, that I can go out and have harmless fun which translates to Honky Tonk time. So my partner in crime, Becca are recruiting the troups and going out to see the cowboys. Now before you get all excited, cowboys aren't really my type. I am sure that if you read my blog enough, that I am a tattoo, rock and roll kind of girl, although I may change my ways to that thinking since I haven't had super luck. But that's okay. I am going to be open minded and by open minded I mean, forget the guys right? Let's go line dancin' and people watchin'. Yahoot!

So, in two weeks I will be fretting about my hair, makeup and clothes. I don't usually dress the honky tonk part. I never did. I used to have ton's of "club" clothes, but I got rid of those a long time ago. So, I am not sure what to wear but I am fairly certain I won't be wearing a flat pair of boots. I love them don't get me wrong, but if this girl is going to do it, I am going to do it up right.

Here's what I am thinking. I love graphic tees and I have been eyeing a Johnny Cash or Jack Daniels tee for a while. Pair it with some worn out jeans.

Then add. Some stackables and a great pair of black leather hooker heels and this could be a rockin' outfit.

Although, I don't know if I could find this shirt in time, but it sure would be cool, right? I mean its not your basic country but I can pull it off.

What do you wear when you go out to da club? 


Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Where's Waldo?

No your eyes are not deceiving you. It's me. I know. I know. Blogger was a little shocked to. It took a long time to open the site because I think it didn't believe it was me and was doing a full body scan to make sure. Once it reached the breast area it was confirmed. No tits. Check. Proceed.

Did everyone have a great Memorial Day slash long weekend? I did. And if I see another skinny Barbie like figure in a bikini with a fruity drink in their hand I am going to order that they be sought out and destroyed by a Mob like group who force them to eat large pizza's three meals a day without exercise or sunlight for three weeks straight. Please bitches eat some beef.

Sorry I have neglected everyone. It's been a hectic two weeks. The Kid had baseball tournaments. And it literally consisted of go to work, get home, dress him in proper attire, attend such game, scream my lungs out, come home, eat, shower and bed. Then repeat the next day until the little shits got beat. Don't get me wrong I loved every second of it. But I was worn out. And I hear in this game of motherhood that it only gets worse as they get older. Oh goody. By that time, the gas prices will be sky high and I will have to revert to a dog and sled type transportation method which will get a lot of stares in the South since the only time it snows, is when the Midwest decides its had enough for a dumping season.

I also have just been dealing with life. I have not been feeling real swift lately. Another beautiful magical thing of living in Tennessee is the allergy season. I take medication for it but now I have to be fully tested this Friday. So I can't take any for seven days because it alters the test. By the weekend, I will look like Rudolph which is only supposed to fun a certain time of year. All I know is as soon as these tests are done I am going to pop a Zyrtec like a two rounder drug dealing hooker on dollar night.

I also in my lovely absence have taken up residence with a new doctor. My primary physician decided to up and close her practice without any warning. I suspect she ran off to join a line dancing cult. In the meantime, my aunt referred me to a great guy. The only catch is they used to date. He's now married with children, but he walks in, sticks out his hand and I am like, "Dude, we have been drunk together. Let's hug it out." After we get through the catch up on how ya been, whatcha been up to and yeah can you believe it, I have a kid, he sends me to have blood drawn. Six vials of it. If he wanted to paint a room with it, I would have bought him a gallon at Lowe's. He wants to check my sugar levels and every other test known to mankind that will be easy to cure with a vitamin. I explained to him that I feel like I am going through the change of life. Yet, he also seems to have had a major reaction when I told him I put 5 teaspoons of sugar in my coffee every morning. Apparently, this is frowned upon in this establishment. But it could explain my tiredness, night sweats and my ass ballooning up to the point of taking flight if my thighs weren't so big to keep me grounded.

So, in light of all this bullcrap. I decided to take matters into my own hands and cut out the sugars. I gave up my beloved Sprite for Sprite Zero. I am not real thrilled. I had no sugar in my coffee instead using flavored coffee creamer which I picked one that wasn't of my liking, Italian Sweet Cream. I thought maybe this was my ticket to cannoli flavored heaven but that was a bust. I am trying Vanilla Caramel tomorrow. I am not having bread and only good sugars. So far my head is pounding and I have pissed my brains out from the water intake but I am bound and determined to get in my swim suit before the season is up. And it works in my favor since Easter is over and I can't eat the Reese's Peanut Butter Eggs, six at a time.

Did I just ramble? Okay, well, that's life lately and let me know your favorite coffee creamers. I am bound and determined if all else fails to save my teeth.

Happy Monday,

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

In The Bucket

Everyone has a bucket list in there life. No we probably don't always set down and say this is the stuff I wish to do or have before I croak, but at one time or another everyone says "I want to do this or that." I was thinking about all I want to accomplish or do. So here's my bucket list. I know I probably won't do most of these but it sure is fun to dream right?

1. Be a good mother!

2. Move to the Cape Cod area. I want to retire in a quaint town where I can see the ocean and smell the air. Ride a bike to the grocery and set out on my porch with the breeze. I want to have a little cottage and eat seafood.

3. Own a boutique. Maybe this is what I will do later on in life after I move to Cape Cod. A little store filled with salvaged treasures and cool clothes with my own creations. I love salvaged,vintage pieces whether it be furniture or clothing. 

4. Go to Italy. I want to have all the food and bread a girl can eat. Then after I have taken in enough red sauce to have acid reflux for days then I will go see the sites.

5. Be published in a magazine. 

6. Go to New York and attend Fashion Week. I will probably see New York before I see fashion week but it would be so fun and hip to set in an audience and see all the designers even though I can't afford a thing. I would also like to see New York at Christmas, skate in Rockefeller Center and then visit the Hamptons.

7. Meet Bon Jovi! I mean there's a little teenager inside all of us. Who doesn't want to hang out with a rock band. I did meet all the guys from Def Leppard once. That was pretty cool.

8. Take Ian to see a Yankees game. 

9. Learn to sew. My mother was teaching me but we got side tracked. But I would love to learn. I would be a pillow making beast.

10. Hug a panda. I love pandas. I just want someone to give it a little sleepy drug, I will run in kiss it, give it a hug and make like Speedy Gonzales out of there before it realizes I am bait. 

11. Learn to snow ski. I love snow and being from the South we don't see a ton of it. But I would love to stay in a cabin and snow ski.

12. Attend the Olympics. I love the games. I am so not athletic but I would love to see all the athletes competing and the reward for all their hard work.

So there's my bucket list. By most standards not really anything exciting. But I am a simple kind of girl. 

Do you have a bucket list? What's on your must do list before you kick the tin can?

Happy Tuesday,

Monday, May 13, 2013

Proud Mary

It's been a bit huh? Sorry I have been missing in action. I have been just busy. Busy with my thoughts. Busy with my son and busy contemplating life. It's funny how there are twist and turns. I thought I was over most of the twist and was turning a curve but then something hits you and sends you back to the fork in the road. I still have no idea where I am headed. 

Lately I have been dealing with finality. The finality of love lost. To know that it is possible forever. With the knowledge that everyday my child grows a day older, one step away to becoming something only a mother dreams of. The hope of one day finding a peace inside with the ability to know that my mistakes where just that. And then of loss. Loss of an identity. Right now I don't know which one to tackle first. 

Sometimes it unimaginable having to say goodbye. I have done it like most too many times. As we get older the inevitable happens and that loss is almost too much to bare. Goodbye to love one's is never a heartache you get over. 

Then there is a different goodbye. A goodbye to friends. People you trusted with your heart. Somewhere you know that they can make their way back, but you wonder will they? 

I have been blessed in this heart with some of the greatest friends. Friends who love me for me. Who know me. My true heart. I am not a naturally trusting person. Always cautious as to who and when I let people in. It's served me well in my life but also as a henderance. Mostly held at arms length but then there are a few that encompass my soul. Those I love with my whole heart knowing that I will never be hurt by. 

Sometimes life gets in the way. Our paths become different. We change and follow a direction unknowingly or maybe unwillingly taking the time to nurture that friendship making it grow as we grow. 

This weekend I hugged my friend Mary goodbye for she's moving on. Her family moving to start a new journey. We had time to reflect on the best years we spent together. Years that others that joined us can never say it wasn't the best time of our lives. The laughter and the fun but the purity of true friends just enjoying each other unedited, uncensored, and free. Free to be who we are. Then it was gone. Gone by a decision. A decision to walk away from one of the happiest times I have ever known. Why? A question that will forever be undecided or unanswered only to say that sorry seems the only thing that makes sense. Sorry that I hurt a beautiful heart for he undeserving knowing that to lose love by choice is one thing but losing that best friend in someone is another. I yearn to place a new best friend to love one day. But also sorry I walked away from friendships with the trick of the mind to think we would all still remain in tact. Some did and some did not. But I am more sorry that I wasted so much time not always being present. 

But we venture. Out into the unknown. Time takes over. Our lives change. Some for the better and some not so much. We grow older, our families change. We add lives that take up our time unselfishly, yet somewhere, yes somewhere it should have been shared. 

My soul has always been with these friends. The family of Gray's. Even far away. They are my family. And as I hugged her and I know not for the very last time because she's only going to be miles away and I vow to visit, we both crying, we took a breath at the same time as at one time our souls in sync and say I love you, at that moment I realized no matter the time lost, nor the change of having babies and busy schedules, my heart will always be where she will be and her heart will always be where I am.

I cherish every second with them. A life time of memories filled with photos, stories, and proof that bonds with friends do exist. I am so lucky that there are people in my life that I love so much. One's that no matter how crazy my life gets, they still are honest and loyal and love me and I intend to love them just as much right back for they have stood by me on my own journey and no matter how right or wrong I was........ remained.

Say I love you today and every day to your friends,

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Rewind the Time

So, I thought it would be a great idea since I have some new peeps to do a throw back post. One of my all time favorites. Let you get a feel of who I am and then refresh the minds of the ones who read. Some of you when you start reading a blog don't always go back through all the posts. I myself find someone new I go back and read as many posts as possible to get a feel of what's going on. So I give you one of my master pieces. Enjoy.

No Thong Zone

Did everyone have a great weekend? Oh, mine was another adventure, but that's for another day. Let's just say a trip to the vet and my dog apparently has a hemorrhoid like her mother. It's true. Dogs get the dangling death or the equivalent of them like in humans, so she also has problems with her anus. We are a team. Apparently, my dogs and I share so much. Last month, I had to share maxi pads with the one on her period and now the oldest lab has anal seepage. We are NOT sharing the same medicine. I love her so much but I am not giving up my Prep H. Call me selfish, but she can drag her ass and make it feel better. I, for reasons only known by God, cannot do the same. This is just delish. But back to the original story.

Last weekend, I had to go exchange some jeans that I had ordered on-line. You remember those flared LC jeans I featured in my blog? Well, the jeans and fluffy didn't get along so I tried to return them for another size, but to no avail, other people seem to have a fluff problem, so I just got my money back. Figuring I had $34 smacks, I would look around. I see this cute dress for summer but only on the mannequin, so a nice middle aged lady came over and I asked if she could get it down. I look at it and am pretty convinced I will buy it since it was $21 smacks and then she says, "well its pretty sheer, you might want to check out our intimate department and get a t-strap to go with it." Huh? A t-strap? Why in the world would I wear a jock strap with this dress. So I said, you mean a thong? She said, "yes, those things that young women wear so they have no panty lines." Looking at her like she had four heads, I mean she was a blue hair telling me I should wear a thong, knowing she probably has on exactly what I have on...granny panties, I wondered over.

Let me tell you its been years since I wore one of those t-straps. I think after a certain age, you just don't and second, she obviously didn't take a gander at my milkshake. I put on a thong and I am sure it would get lost somewhere amongst the massive cinnabons I am lugging around. Plus, I need something a little tight across thy skin because when I walk, it looks like two pigs fighting over a piece of cornbread. I carry the dress across the store, go take a peak. Memories started to pour in and I then remembered distinctly why I don't wear them anymore. First, my butt crack doesn't need dental care. Second, with the current ailment, I don't think it would be a healing process to wear it.

I browse through a few and then it brings me back to the time, a few of my fabulous friends went to Atlanta for a girls weekend. My aunt, cousin and I stayed in a room together. We ended up at Coyote Ugly. Several drinks and shots later, we come back to the hotel after dancing enough to be the spot light of the original show and the hotel. We go to get dressed for bed and my cousin goes to put on her pj's, I look up and she has on this matching lime green bra and thong. All of the sudden I blurted out, "oh my god your ass looks like it just swallowed Kermet the Frog!" After many minutes of uncontrollable laughing, snorting and silence with laughing again, we passed out from exhaustion from the giggles. That's when I gave up the thong. See I had worn one that night as well and all the dancing and repeated digging the next morning was uncomfortable, but seeing someone else's butt swallow a granny smith apple put it perspective. I never looked at my own butt to see what it looked like but seeing her butt, I realized, there is nothing beautimus about anyone's hiney. It's two mounds of dough divided by a line a fabric. I, from that point forward entered the "No Thong Zone." I tried boyfriend undies once but because my butt looks like a busted can of biscuits in them, they just rolled up on the sides and those went to the trash. These underwear are only meant for horn dog men, to look pretty and be gone in two point two seconds. They aren't for long term use.

So, I wandered back over to the section, put the dress back and walked out. I am trying to convince myself that the dress could be worn without the usage of a t-strap, but because the help even mentioned it, I was detoured. Sorry, Kohls, but Mee Ma helped bring back painful memories and you lost the sale on that day. I may be back or order it on-line that way when I receive it at home I can throw on my granny panties and walk around to see the jiggle factor and shine a light on the dress to see if you can observe my wassa or not.

I am proud to have entered the "No Thong Zone" even if it makes me un-hip, not sexy or it saves one frog in this world.

I know funny huh. There is a post that follows post later on called We Broke Up this where I had the hemmy removed. You can go stalk my blog and find it.  But this was best day of my butts life.

Happy Tuesday,

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Brush Strokes

It's Wednesday. My portion of fashion, beauty, and all that crap segment of this blog. I know I haven't posted something in a while, but I am back today showing you a little trick that has made a world of difference. Yes, I know this is something that has probably been around forever and blogged about. But guess what? I am not a makeup artist. I just apply war paint and off to the tribal dance I go. But I am a little excited to tell you all about my new discovery.

As I have gotten older and the wrinkles set in, my makeup routine has gotten simpler. This really attributes to being a mother and hoarding all the sleep I can get. Now that I have mastered the art of bronzing. Not really, but for my standards I have taken it by storm. My day makeup and most night consists of the new BB Cream that is out. It's light and I can still pound on the powder because I like a matte type finish product. But with this you can also use a powder brush for an all over touch and still have a dewy finish.

Now to the discovery. I usually save my heavy foundation for when I go out and I know I am going to be sweating, dancing and a long night with friends or family. I usually apply with the normal foundation brush. So, the other day I was reading an article on The Beauty Department (Lauren Conrad's Beauty site). It spoke of this different type of foundation brush to use, that blends the foundation, into the skin for an more even skin tone and coverage.

As I ponder this I click to find out much the brush is, uh, that's a no go in my wallet, so I decided to improvise. 

If you click on the link above it will show you a picture of the foundation brush. I found this brush at my local supermarket for $4.99. It's actually a mineral brush, but has the same type of flat top as the foundation brush shown in the article. I decided to give it a whirl. And it was magic. It gives a totally different coverage than a regular long bristled brush does and with less time. I also tried the technique shown going from the inside out making a star and that was a bigger revelation. Now these bristles are a bit longer than the one shown and I thought about cutting them a tad but that would probably cause me hysterics of impatience.

Honestly, I won't ever apply foundation without this type of flat head brush again. I might even invest in the other brush or find an equivalent not so expensive but for now, my Taters, do this. Use it with regular foundation or the BB Cream shown above. I am loving the new BB Cream from Garnier because it now comes in oil free formula. I top this off with my Rimmel Stay Matte Powder.

If I give you one tip to try this is it. A flat top brush is seriously the way to apply foundation and it blended right in and left no stroke marks or missed spots. Do it! You can thank me later.

Do you have a foundation technique or use this type of brush? Let me know what you think. And if you try it, Tweet me later and tell me how it goes.

That's this Tater Queens Tip for the week. See you next time.