Friday, March 30, 2012

Friday Funnies

So it's Friday and I want you to remember me for the weekend. I downloaded Cam Wow to my iPhone. I am not sure if Droid users have it or not but if you do, I highly suggest, if you want to pee your pants laughing, do so. This app reminds me of my friend Heather who every time a group of girls would get together, she would make us do funny face pictures. So this is for you, Heather 

I love the one front tooth in this pic
my chin looks like a butt

I swear this looks like that fish off Sponge Bob

dig the eyebrow
Ian's tongue
this picture sent me to the inhaler
it's the hair I think

I mean seriously, you gotta laugh at yourself every once in a while. I hope you all have a WOW weekend!


Thursday, March 29, 2012

Two Cents Thursdays

Is this week over? Nope not yet, but here's my two cents for this week and hope your week has been faboo.

First, to all the sales people that are visiting my house to give me an inspection for the hail damage! LEAVE ME ALONE! We have it all taken care of thank you very much! I swear we have had 20 people come to our door. I don't like people knocking on my door at 9 am on a Saturday.

So, a couple of weeks ago, my friend Lorraine noticed I had worn my turtleneck backwards. Now for my sweet Makaila, she can rock it, me I had no clue and must have looked like the biggest dork. I wondered why I kept thinking something was off, but couldn't put my finger on it. Then to top that one, if you read my blog this week, I made a lovely trip to hell, I mean Orlando. Well, when I got to the hotel, I noticed that my fly was down. Which means I didn't zip it before I left the house. Now you can say dumbass.

I finally recieved my workout DVD "Kickboxing for Dummies". Surely to god I can't screw that up, but I managed to work through the warm up and routine #1. I then proceeded to make a frozen pizza and eat all the pepperoni's off the top. No carbs right?

In my quest for a bikini bod and my obsession with Hunter Boots in which I have read 5,000 reviews that said, "if you have big calves you may not want to buy these". So, guess, what this chick did? Researched how to reduce the size of my calves or what exercises not to do. Totally stupid! I also don't know or have no clue if I have big calves. All I know is there's not much muscle there and when I measured them they were 14" around. I should be good to go if not, I will revert to said kickboxing video because workout #2 is all about long lean legs. 

Speaking of my Hunter Boots, I got a retweet from the company on Twitter, but they sure didn't offer me a free pair. Insert sad face. 

And finally, close your eyes Shay here it comes. I have been on this kick about being 40 and seeing how I am half way through my life, I want to keep myself looking at least 38. So, I have been looking at new ways to keep my skin looking delish. Well, I looked into getting a Clarisonic and then about croaked when I saw the price. So, again I read reviews and decided to buy the Olay Regenerist Brush Cleansing system. The product comes with the electric brush and a sample tube of exfoliating cleanser. I can tell you honestly, its wonderful. My skin looks so different, my pores are starting to shrink and the tone of my skin has improved. It's amazing. Yes, I would probably have the high priced doohickey if I could afford it but for $30 bucks, it's a steal and worth it. I recommend this 100 percent. I alternated days for exfoliating between my normal cleanser and add toner as recommended by a friend afterwards. Get ya one today..

Well, that's it! It's over. Another Thursday come and gone depending on when you read this. Have a great day!


Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Thy Obsessed with Hunter Boots

If you follow my blog, of course you do, and Twitter, Facebook or anything else that I can scream from the roof tops, you know I am obsessed with Hunter Boots. Like I spend hours looking at photos of possible outfits, read reviews and stalk their website. I follow them on every social media site and signed up for a website that offers them on sale at certain times of the year. I love them. I initially thought I wanted the short ones in Navy, but soon changed my mind. I am totally convinced that the Original Hunter Boot is the one for me and I have chosen black, no gloss. But at $125 smacks, mama gotta save up! So until then, I will just keep obsessively looking at them from a far unless the company wants to be so kind as to send me a pair or someone can find me a pair at a discount. Until then, I leave you with these images. 

This image sent me right over the edge. I love this whole outfit!

If only my legs looked like that, but with shorts, they are hot to trot!

these coral boots are perfect for summer

winter street style

the perfect green rain boot

red is a popular color

and finally

Jennifer Aniston wears them, so why shouldn't I?

I am in love! Love Love Love! The only thing I am not sure about is sizing. I read tons of reviews and some say get a size up or down. So, if you have the 411 on this, give me down low. Do you have a pair of Hunters? Tell me all about them!

Happy Wednesday,

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

I'm No Traveling Pants

Last week if you noticed I was absent for a few days. I had promised to do a few posts on the road, but it was so hectic, I didn't get a chance. I went to Orlando, Florida for a marketing workshop with the firm I work for. The workshop ended up being fruitful, but I turned into a hot mess.

I like Florida don't get me wrong, but not a whirwind 48 hour trip. My flight was at 6 am. Really? Southwest you can't get me in sooner? So that meant I had to rise and shine at 3 am. I packed the night before, pretty much only what I was going to use which is unheard of for me. When I travel I take the kitchen sink. I think that comes with being a mom and a southern girl. You just never know. I took three outfits, shoes and travel size essentials. I could have carried on my bag, but I didn't because I was hauling around a laptop, my pretty purse and tote with marketing materials. 

Here's how the nightmare went. I got up, got ready, kissed my boys goodbye and out the door by 4:15 am. Got to the airport and because they are doing construction missed the exit. I repeatedly drove around in a circle with numerous U-turns in the mix. I felt like I was on the movie European Vacation and the kids look up and the dad says, "Look kids, Big Ben, Parliament!" I figured out how to get into the terminal and then parked in Long Term parking. Well, long term means long term at Nashville Airport apparently. See I decided that I would try to look all hot snot. I wore some trouser jeans, a cute cotton peasant top and my sweater so I didn't get chilly. Oh, and these canvas high heel espadrilles. By the time I got to check in, I had two blisters on the tops of my feet at my big toe and the skin was rubbed off the heel of my foot. This girl wished she'd carried her bag on. I was a sweatball, my feet were bleeding and I was so tired. When I got on the flight, I asked the flight attendant for some band aids in which she gave me these strips of cloth that just stuck. But at that point anything would do.

I got to Orlando, one of the girls from the Dallas office picked me up, I went to the hotel, I checked in and CHANGED MY SHOES calling them not so nice words. We headed to the workshop, then to dinner that night. I came back to the room, tried to go to sleep, but my room was facing the interstate and at 3 am a large train went by and blew the whistle. I slept all of 3 hours. I was up, so I got ready, went downstairs ate breakfast and off again to the workshop. 

Then to Orlando airport. Holy crap. The lines to check in were like Best Buy at Christmas, I had to walk all the way what seemed like forever in the C section, wait and then I was on my way home at 5 pm. Squeezed in between the man who drank three Gin and Tonics and Jebadiah who fell asleep and had the worst breath, I was almost at my whits end and my feet still hurt for the evil shoes. 

After landing in Nashville at 7 pm, I was in route home. I was so tired and jet lagged, I got on the interstate and seriously thought I was going the wrong way. Then my baby daddy called and said, "hey, we haven't ate dinner, can you stop somewhere?" I almost turned into the Hulk. But I remembered the food they served at the dinner and lunch and was glad to be back in Tennessee where fried food is the norm. I mean, sorry folks, but I don't eat chicken with green leaves between a bed of tomatoes or Orzo pasta whatever the hell that is. I did eat some bread and butter while I was there. I think it sustained my life span until I got home. Not only did the food suck, but I didn't poop for two days. I was bloated up like the Goodyear blimp. 

I walked in the door, ate my giant Wendy's hamburger, washed my face, kissed everyone, didn't unpack a thing, prayed to the poop God that he would be kind to me in the morning and went to bed. Oh, and I froze to death the whole time I was there. Who freezes in Florida? I tell ya, I felt like I was going to be admitted to the nut house when I got back. I am no traveling pants my friends, matter of fact I am not traveling for a long while. The only thing great about this was my prayers were answered the next morning, I had two days off for a long weekend and I ate everything in sight. All hail fried chicken and sweat pants folks! 

Happy Tuesday,

Monday, March 26, 2012

My Day with Barbara Wa Wa

At the end of 2011, Barbara Walters always does her special of the 10 Most Fascinating People. The famous who have made an impact on the world or are just plain intriguing. Because her special is compiled into two hours, there is lost footage of people that didn't make the cut. And wouldn't you know it, I am one of those people. I thought I would share my interview with all of you. You know because I'm Not Famous...Yet.

It begins with her introduction of me and where it all began........

Born in Kansas, Dusty was a little bit. Her mother and father traveled across the country in a Ford Falcon in 110 degree heat to Tennessee and settled in Carthage. She was an adorable child with curly brown hair and baby blue eyes. Her mother knew from the start she probably wouldn't be famous.

Babs: You grew up in a small town. Where you popular in school? Did you make good grades? When did it click with you had the special gift of the ordinary?
Me: My town was put on the map because our former Vice President Al Gore resided there.   The shoe store where we bought clothes changed their name to the Al Gore store. That was pretty exciting. For me, I was a quiet child. I once won the county 4-H contest with my poster of the clover that represented the 4-H symbol. It involved alot of glitter. My grades were average. I often felt like I was a genious, so I didn't put too much effort into school. I think I was 57th in my graduating class. Pretty awesome huh? I remember it was just one of the days of the week, when it clicked that I was just ordinary. Pretty life changing. I thought to myself, gosh to be just like any other person is pretty spectacular.

Me: Oh, my look at that picture. I think I was in 2nd grade. That's when the pealed onion hair look was popular. That's when your mom didn't have time to comb your hair, so she she slicked it back into barrettes. And look, white eyelet.I was such a trend setter then. And now its back in style. I should add style icon to my list of accolades. 

Babs: Growing up you had a brother and sister with you being the oldest. Where you always the center of attention? 
Me: Oh, my goodness, no. As you can see here I am in the center. I was so shy. I did my best to steer clear of the camera. My sister was adorable and so vocal. She bawled until the age of three. We didn't know what color her eyes were for the longest time. And my brother was the favorite I am sure and you can tell here he loved his sisters so much. I was pretty talented though. I learned to play the piano, sort of. I remember at my piano recital and I heard all the applause after I played "From a Wigwam." That song still gives me chills to this day and I could have went on to put out a an album, "Chopsticks", but I liked being just ordinary.   

Babs: Here you are far right. As you got older you entered a few pageants. Did that give you confidence?
Me: Being a Tater Queen was just a platform for greater things to come. I remember thinking in this moment how I wished I was at the local dam drinking beer, smoking cigarettes and hanging with my friends. That was a great influence for other girls everywhere. I was very passionate about fixing all the potholes in the county. A great platform for the future politicians to come.

Babs: So now that you are older and have a family, what is like being so ordinary. Can you just go hang out, shop, be with your friends without being noticed? 
Me: Well, sometimes its hard. 
Babs: Dusty asked us not to show her home. It has a pool in the back yard and fears that all the neighborhood kids want will want to come and hang out then, she would have to expose her private life to other neighbors and become friends.
Me: I mean going to Wal-mart is surreal. If you walk in with your sunglasses on, then the door greeter either thinks your going to rob the place or wants your autograph. The last three weeks after the tornado, we have had about 10 people stop by our house to give us estimates on hail damage. I am pretty sure that's a cover up and they know how ordinary I am and just want my money. Sometimes we have to go incognito when we go out. 

Me: Here we are pretending to be from the Wild West. It's just what we have to do to survive in the ordinary world of the paparazzi. 

Babs: So, as we end this interview, where do you see yourself? I mean being so famously ordinary has to be hard. People will surely want your plain life and will probably continue to be not interested in everything you do. How do you just be normal?
Me: We survive with a lot of laughter. What I have is extra ordinary. We are full love. I just have to give into being so poplar in an ordinary world and be me. I have the greatest family and friends and just because I drive a Honda and shop at fancy places like JC Penney's doesn't make me any different. 

I hope all of my fans have an ordinary day. I am sure Babs would gladly give the transcripts away for this interview for free, bitch didn't even ask for my autograph.

Happy Monday,

Friday, March 23, 2012

Fighting Crime

Fighting crime is so hard. Here's how the shake down happened.

If you have seen this kid, he's in violation of 
Pillow Pet Neglect

After receiving the call from Charlie
The suspect was spotted in Five Guys
I decided in order to perform the stake out to the best of my ability
A good Angel has to fuel up and keep her fluffy
in bouncy mode. 

Suspect was not spotted in Orlando, Florida either

He was eventually caught
at home eating one of his mom's easy peasy
creations, croissants heated in the oven
and spread with honey

Being a Charlie's Angel is so rewarding
Ian took this picture then charged me with
impersonating Farrah Fawcett.

I guess we are even!

Have a great weekend everyone!

linked up life rearranged

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Hen Party

Well, lovies, I have gone to Orlando for a Hen Party. The company that I work for holds a marketing workshop every year and I am off to corporate society. I am taking my computer, and should have a post Wednesday and totally back on Thursday. Until then, don't forget me and if you want, take a gander at some of my other reads if your new to this here crazy town blog. Or even better, some of my wondermous followers can tell you what their favorite post was in the comments, so you can take a look. 

You can also follow my adventures at the following. Just click the link below and it will take you to new level of fantastic. Well not really, but as friends, we should share right?

And if that isn't enough, I leave you with a photo, so you really don't forget me! The kid took a few silly pics of me this weekend. I call them my Farrah Fawcett series. I will show the others on Friday. I hope to catch up on my bloggy reads and comments in the hotel. 


Monday, March 19, 2012

Man Land

Did everyone have a great weekend? I did. Although the weather didn't cooperate always, we did manage to have some sunshine and out door time. My son plays PW7 baseball and had a scrimmage game yesterday afternoon. Being southern, I of course got up and curled my hair for it. I also got hit in the face with a little reality yesterday and it got me to thinking. Oh, shit right? I am the typical mother on the bleachers, screaming her head off during a game. They have had a total of 3 practices and I know every kids name on his team. I know a little over the top, but necessary in my quest to look like the crazy mother. 

As we walked with Ian to the field, we walked into the stands and right then and there I realized that I became the uncool mom. He sees his friends and I don't exist. He entered "man land". Man land you say? Well, let me explain. Men have a different approach than women and it starts at an early age. I noticed a lot of fist to fist contact. What is that? Are they activating special powers? I also saw a group of 7 years all adjusting themselves repeatedly. This apparently starts at birth and doesn't change. I look up and my son is scratching and moving things around the zoo area. I want to yell across the field and tell him that its not going anywhere, to back away from the goober. I don't understand this. Men can walk around adjust, lifting, settling and scratching there stuffs. But if a women walked around doing the same, we would be talked about and bestowed that we have crotch rot. Seriously, I double dog Oreo dare any of you lovelies to go to the mall and walk around and do all of the above and see what reaction you would get. I would personally bust out laughing but I find humor in the strangest things. If anyone stops you just say, I am trying out a new FDS wash and I am pressing the button so I can get a wiff of that fresh spring scent. You know like a Febreeze air freshener. 

Men also have "the greeting." They see each other assume the position with this hand to hand contact like they are about to arm wrestle, move in bump one shoulder with the other hand doing two pats on the shoulder, but far enough away that they don't invade each other's space and ends with "what's up bro?" The answer, "not much bro, just hanging in there." "Yeah, me too". Not women especially southern women. We see a girl that we haven't ran into in ages, run up with our arms wide open and revert to the high pitch hello,    and our language goes from six syllables to ten. "Oh, my gawd, how are uuuuuuuuuuuuu? Look at cheeeewwww? You look so pretty. You are so skinny, I love your hair!" Which means with the bubble above your head, OMG, the last time I saw you, you had a bad Toni home perm, your ass was fat, you had a crater face and drove an ugly car. What man did you marry with money that took you out of the depths of despair? This is all true and you know it. 

Why is man land easier? They can walk into a bathroom with urinals lined against the walls. With the monster hanging out, they pee at the same time and have conversation. Imagine no bathroom stall doors in the women's restroom. Awkward huh? You walk into a toilet for your 9 am poo, another women walks in, sets down beside you. You would be right next to another women in the wide open. You would have to do the only thing necessary. You would have to look at her and say, "look, I just got out of a meeting where I have held this for an hour and drank 3 cups of coffee. Are you gonna drop the kids off at the pool first or am I? And by the way, I sat down before looking and there's no toilet paper, can you hand me some over?" At that point you would have to revert to rock, paper, scissors. Dynamite blows up paper, so let 'er rip. Thank god for stalls and doors. Because normally, you just set there until they leave or repeatedly flush so that person doesn't hear it or one time a lady actually apologized to me for being so loud. See even when we crap, we apologize for it. Men don't, they say, dude that was powerful, laugh and move on.

So, as I realize my son is growing up, he will be a part of the man land club. That's its okay, to scratch, poop openly, fist pump at stupid, have a two second unemotional hug, and marry little Suzy from the trailer park and want to turn her into a trophy wife. He will bring her home for Thanksgiving and I will repeat the cycle..."oh, my gawd, look at cheeeewwww, aren't you just the cutest thing!" When the bubble above my head says, "you hurt my son and you die a slow hard death by a poisoned manicure and bad Toni home perm!"

Have a great Monday!

Friday, March 16, 2012

My week in an Insta

My week in an Insta
The strangest thing happened

I was arrested on Mars
this is my mugshot

They fed me eggs in jail

They thought this beauty was a spy from Russia

realized I was just crazy

wrote me a ticket for speeding, released me 
and sent me on my way

Have a great weekend!

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Two Cents Thursdays

Thursday! Thursday! Thursday! I am thinking if I say it enough time will pass and it will be Friday. Okay, one more day won't kill me I guess. Here is my two cents for this week. Actually a rather calm week but still I have a few things to speak about.

- You read me rant and rave about naked pregnant chicks all week, now I see a picture of Carrie Underwood and her new album cover. I want to say that I demand to see her legs in person. I want to make sure that there is not one ounce of photo editing anywhere in that picture and that her legs really look like that. If so, she just insulted every female in the universe who don't have the time to pay someone to make her legs look like perfect specimens.  I personally love her music, but I just don't think its fair to have both. Choose one or the other, so I know your human.

- Why my sister and my bloggy friend Jenn can get a banging hot new short hair cut that requires nothing but them moving their heads back and forth for sexy effect and if I got the same hair cut,  I would look like a pumpkin head.

- Why the person that I lay my head down to every night seems to think the that his dirty laundry resides on the floor. It's not hard. Right out side our bedroom, honey, is a closet that houses a hamper. You know, white with wheels, and it holds an abundance of clothing which alerts me to do the laundry. Do I need to Map Quest it for you?

- I kid you not I received an email from a marketing representative saying thank you for mentioning their product Preparation H in one of my blogs. Also,mentioned that they would be happy to send me any other material in the future. I wanted to respond and so no dude, THANK YOU! Wouldn't you hate to be the person that asks where they work? Yes, I provide the marketing for an product that brings special relief to those with anal seepage problems.

- I wanted to make a link for my Insta.gram but forgot my address and password. I am surely hoping to remember it sometime soon.

- My son thinks that Suri on my iPhone is a real person. He asked her where our bathroom was in our house. She responded with, "there are no public toilets located in your area."

- And finally, I had an ah ha moment. I believe that the reason men open the door for you to walk in and out of a building or motion for you to get off the elevator first is because they want to look at your ass. 

Happy Thursday friends. What's your two cents this week? Are you pondering anything good?

Big ole Thursday lovin',

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Honor Thy Mother

Thy mother took thy daughter shopping. On a budget of $130 smacks these are the wondermous things I picked out. I can't say purchased, so lets say, I put up on the counter. Plus, I am pretty sure she felt sorry for me. I think she saw my drawings from last week and decided to get me a few non frump girl items. 

my loot
two adorable peasant tops
pair of sunglasses in which I am sure I look like an alien 
and a hat
I am not complete without a hat

these little beauties are cotton and comfy for summer sweat stinking days

a pair of black capris
the perfect trouser jeans
I have been yearning for a pair of trouser jeans but feel like they make me look
like a chunk a lunk
these fit just right for fluffy (or the mirror lied)

All this at JCP. Everyone always says, oh, JCP is old people clothes. No they don't, does this look like blue hair material? No. And why would I complain? It was free. Thanks Mom you rock!

Been shopping lately? 


Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Fair Leather Friend

So I think its in the water. Every where you look it’s a woman and a baby bump. So glad we are all cyber buddies. They say sometimes women that hang around each other tend to take on the same cycles, so I have decided to read everyone’s blogs at different times during the day to make sure that I can’t even get knocked up through technology. Any hoot, last week, I mentioned that I was a little ticked when I read about Jessica Simpson and her dumb comment about she would die if  her kid chose Nike’s over Christian Louboutin’s. I still stand behind what I said, which was basically, what a ding bat. I would also like to request that naked celebrities everywhere, stop posing nude on the covers of these magazines. I mean wouldn’t you hate to be the person that waxed her wassa for that picture? I couldn’t even see my wassa when I was pregnant. I basically hiked my leg like a dog and prayed that I hit the spot with toilet paper when I wiped after going to the bathroom. I think it might have gotten to the point I just threw it at the area and hope it landed on the bulls eye. The day she told me I was going to have my son. I thought, oh, I gotta go home and groom myself. I got in the shower, tried three ways from Sunday and decided that Moma Big Bush here would just let the hospital do it. I mean, hell they charge your insurance for everything else, a little wassa trim won’t hurt ‘em.  

So, along with my same gripe, I was doing some lifestyle research yesterday (my new term for Pinteresting, fits don’t you think) and came across a picture of Kourtney Kardashian who apparently forgot her birth control, wearing leather pants. Let me say this again, leather pants. Nobody said, that you had to look like the poster child for pregnant, but here’s the pickle. When you sign up for I am pregnant 101, you pretty much sign all the rights to I cannot fit my butt into leather, skinny or any other pants other than something with a stretch waste band. And if you wear tights make sure you wear a top that covers just enough of Texas down below,  so we don’t see that your 7 months pregnant tight pants with the “V”. “V” is not for victory at 7 months pregnant.  You agree that not all ordinary clothing works.

Sometimes ordinary clothes don’t work even on un-pregnant people. Back in the day when I was hot snot, I had me some leather pants. The girls and I would go honky tonkin’ and I could push my tush with the best of them. I also, could drink a few beers (like six)  back then. Now I drink more than two and I am what they call asphalt licker. We went out one Saturday night. It was cold. I decided I would wear my black leather pants. I mean what girl isn’t cool in a cowboy bar in leather? We danced and drank, did the normal routine, ate at Waffle House afterwards, I went home and apparently passed out…in my clothing...face down. My mother who at the time, decides to call on Sunday and being the persistent woman that she is, tends to repeat her trend if you don’t answer the phone the first time. I woke up and realized that I could barely move. It didn’t enter into my sloshed up brain that you kind of swell after a night of drinking buckets of yeast and eating an omelet the size of a boulder. I roll over with my legs stuck straight out and there I was, stuck inside these pants like a burrito, walking around stiff legged, I could barely bend my knees to get my shoes off. I couldn’t call for help, I lived by myself and the dog didn’t care, she had to pee. I ended up having to cut them off my body. I am pretty sure it was like when you open a can of cinnamon rolls, the pressure is released from the can and the dough fluffs out of the sides of the aluminum. I gave those pants a proper burial in the trash, rubbed lotion on my legs that were chafed and never looked at another pair of leather pants again.

So my fixation on why a pregnant person feels the need to wear these is beyond me because you swell when you’re pregnant. You get up in the morning and your thighs look normal and by the end of the day they have turned into full blown roaster, set on 350, listen for the ding and you’re done. All I can say is to all the pregnant ladies, please back away from the leather. The only think leather is good for couches, diaper bags and shoes.

Happy Tuesday,

Monday, March 12, 2012

Plant Whisperer

I love women that are domesticated.The ones who can raise 2.5 children, bring home the bacon, keep the house white glove clean and still manage to hot roll their hair to perfection by the 7 pm dinner party with the next door neighbors. I on the other hand am not one of them. I can barely function in the mornings enough to straighten my hair, make sure my son's teeth aren't turning yellow, dab some powder on my nose and out the door I go. So, it was no surprise that when I looked up one day last week and notice that the plant that everyone told me would need no tender loving care was dead as a door nail. 

I am not a plant person, hell I am barely a dirt person period. I wasn't sure what to do. I stood there looking at it scratching my head thinking, hmmm? I don't have a trash bag large enough to throw it away, I am pretty sure my son's vitamins won't revive it, do I call my mother, friends, aunts or cousins? I mean I killed a cactus once for god sakes. That's right a cactus. See I have got an eclectic family. Free spirited would be a pretty good word. One of my family members had this wife or was it a girlfriend? I can't remember. He's a stud muffin and its okay, I like meeting new people. Anyway, she gave me a cactus. Being nice I took it home in its pot, set it on my patio and left it for dead. It survived the cold winter and spring, so one day during the super hot summer I gave it some water. The next day, I looked at it and it was dried up worse than Sharpei puppy. The pot and the brown stick went to the silver can for Monday morning pickup. 

I claim to be a rose connoisseur. I once had 7 rose bushes at my house. In full bloom, they were beautiful. People always asked me how I raised such beautiful roses. I lied. I told them I watered them every day and fed them miracle grow. Truth is I didn't do jack shit. If they survived the summer with the tweedle bugs and the winter then I felt like I was a prize winning rose grower. If it was up to me the only water they would get was when it rained. Actually, "Duh" waters them, I just clip and set them on the table to look pretty. 

So I am standing over this plant all drooped over with pieces of missing leaves and bite marks where the dog has obviously been taking a few nibbles, wondering what do I do. It's kind of special plant, I got it when my step dad passed away in January. The fact it even lived this long was an accomplishment. I was torn because it was a reminder of him but then it made me sad that this was all I had from that day. The plant and I chat. I lifted up its leaves, held it and made a deal. I said, "Plant, I think I am going to give you some water." So I filled up a rather large pitcher full of water and poured it in. I explained that if not better in two days, I would have to take it to a place where it probably get tossed around like yesterdays garbage and it wasn't a happy place..the dump. Low and behold, two days later, its leaves were standing straight up, all green, vibrant and frisky. That's the day I proclaimed myself the "Plant Whisperer." Who knew? I love the discovery of special gifts. I often think I have premonitions, but to have this gift is amazing. Move over Dog Talker guy, I am coming for ya. 

I am not one with nature and yet, a few drops of dew and a soft voice and I brought something precious back to life. Yeah, I know a crock of crap, but it sounded good and I made all the earth saving peeps happy. I love it when two worlds collide. 

Do you have any extraordinary gifts? I have so many more to share. Have a great Monday and remember save a plant, ride a cowboy.

Tree Hugs,

Friday, March 9, 2012

Happy Birthday Lovah!

Happy Birthday to my one and only, Chad. Sometimes known as Honey, Baby, Damn it, Jackass, Duh, Lumpkins and every other silly ridiculous name you could say to some that you love with all your heart.

You are 40 today and yes, I know you take pride in knowing you made it. That you think that its just another day.

So thank you
14 years of unrehearsed bliss
Teaching me my indoor voice ( I tend to be rather loud)
Knocking me up
Defending me
Making me love and hate you all at the same time
Playing the 12 year old fart game with the covers I understand that with boys
it never gets old
Using half a roll of toilet paper when you poop
Giving me hemorrhoid advice
Letting me get out of chopping wood
Sharing coffee
Painting the hallway
Being over the top
Your terrible dancing moves which make me laugh
The little freckle on your lip
I love you's
Our many doggies
Your exaggerated stories
Giving me your last name
Finding it funny to pee off the front porch
Being the speed slayer on our street
letting me ride on the back of the motorcycle and just be pretty
teaching me what the green slime in a lobster is
and finally
being Mine!

I don't know much about anything but I know that I will love you the rest of my life.
Happy Birthday, dawling!
Halloween 2007
our "not to serious" family
dad to our worthless guard dogs

Happy Birthday. I am glad you were born!

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Two Cents Thursdays

I am drained. This week has been a doozy. But I thought I would give you my two cents and then fill ya in on some Insta photos. 

First, work sucks..enough said. The stress of it makes me want to flog people.

Second, anyone see the picture of Jessica Simpson on the cover of Elle nude and prego? I was all about it and a bag of chips until she said, she would die if her child asks for Nike's instead of Christian Louboutins. Really, how about shoes from Wal-mart? That might send her right to the loony bin. 

I shaved my legs. So sorry for the gorilla that entered my pipe drain.

Easter's coming. Evil candy people already have the candy sent out and I am purchasing it. My weakness is Robin Eggs. I will eat them until I poop rainbow colors for weeks. Oh, wait that's Starburst's. There good get some. 

(In my most southern Steel Magnolia voice) My son is sevuuuuun....And if he doesn't watch his mouuuuth, he's going to need a new dentissssssssst. This is also followed by lots of eye rolling, hand swaying and the sarcastic smiling. Ugh, why do they have to talk and think they know it all. This is for all the pregnant blog girls who are just soooooooooooo happy to be knocked up. Just you wait! You'll long for the days when they just point and grunt.

Ok, onto the photos. These are the days of my life that I bring you you on Thursday because I am too tired to rant and rave.

we live 3 minutes from this New York style pizza joint
its the devil
every year they say Uggs are out
Victoria Beckham said you won't catch her in public in a pair
that's because her 1 inch round legs probably can't keep them on
Proud Ugg American
She had twins..what's my excuse?
this bombed my house last Friday
thank you Tornado, the bath tub was a lovely place to pray
my drink of choice
this is how I survive the days of insanity
self portraits
I decided after I posted this yesterday I am Vangogh 

So there you have it. Did you like how I have a pizza, Mt. Dew and a fitness magazine in the same blog? Yeah, slow process this workout stuff. But I am getting there. I did the 5 minutes of jump rope. Four minutes and 55 seconds of it was deep breathing. 

Happy Thursday. Give me your two cents.


Wednesday, March 7, 2012

What I Wore Wednesday

I usually do some fabulous fashion post on Wednesday. I link up with a few good chicks, show you my Pinterest findings and you can goo and ga over them. I do this because I am still kinda chicken to do self photos of my outfits and today, well was no exception. I was frump girl. But I thought I would describe and illustrate what I wore (really on Tuesday.)

Top: Gap T-shirt that I have had for years. I put it on this morning, got deodorant on the side and ended up with a cream sweater that I got from JCP.
Jeans: Old Navy size 6 but should have been a size 8. Pretty tight in the thighs. I walked around like a wood leg pirate and thank gawd I had on a sweater because I think I might have had camel toe and my belly was hanging over after lunch of mac-n-cheese.
Socks: Brown and boring
Underwear: Granny panties in the color purple all cotton Haynes Her Way thank you very much. Remember No Thong Zone for me. If your unfamiliar or new clink link and you will see why
Bra: Old as dirt. Offers no support. Pretty sure there are little elastic pieces poking out.
Belt: Target. I know black and brown are a no no but I had on the sweater remember, no one could see
Shoes: Tree hugger brown slip-ons. I hate them with a passion because they hurt my flat ass feet, but I was in a hurry this morning and just slipped them on. I don't feel like hugging any trees when I wear them.
Hair: Fab. I got my roots stimulated this weekend and eye brow wax so I feel like a woman again.

So since I am still a bock bock, I thought I would illustrate my outfit. That way when you are looking at what you wore thinking you were fab..this will make you feel even better. 

as you can see from the front view I think this is the casual look

side view 
I didn't draw in camel toe

So this is what I wore Wednesday really Tuesday. Feel free to cut these out and play paper dolls with your daughters and explain that real women have curves or that's what all the magazines say. I say it's a winding road. 

Happy Wednesday Beauties!

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Chicken Noodle Casserole

I haven't posted a recipe in a bit. I brought work home over the weekend, since there was a little tornado in the area if you haven't heard. Plus, I am doing a huge proposal at work and working some at night so there is no telling what you will get out of me this week. I am so high on Sweet Tea and Robin Eggs -malted milk balls that the evil candy people produce at Easter time. I bought the bag on Friday for tornado stock pile and the bag is almost gone. is was for an emergency.

I make this casserole when I can't think and I need something easy and quick. Here's the goods. Enjoy.

3 large cans of white meat chicken
1 box Stove Top
3 cups egg noodles
2 cans of cream of chicken soup
8 oz sour cream
2 cups shredded cheddar cheese

Preheat oven 350
Prepare stove top as directed in microwave.
Boil noodles until cooked
Then mix stove top, chicken, cream of chicken soup, and sour cream
Add noodles and mix
Sprinkle with cheese
Bake until bubbly about 30 - 45 minutes
*A little note, substitute one can of cream of chicken with cheddar cheese soup for extra cheesy flavor.

There you have it..I already had taken a bite before I took the picture. And no this isn't on my diet plan, but I only ate one serving and then went back to the Robin Eggs.  Have a great Tuesday.