Thursday, January 31, 2013

Join the Fun!

I want to grow, you want to grow, we all want to grow, grow. 
Come join the fun.

I also welcome any feedback on my blog to help it grow. 
What would you like to see?

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Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Eclair Pie

Super Bowl is coming and you know what that means? Feast! Just so you all know I will be taking a break from my diet and exercise program and be pigging out to the fullest extent. I will not be recording jack shit on Fitness Pal and I am fairly certain I will share with you all the fat details of every morsel on Instagram.

I thought I would share a quick and easy recipe for dessert on Sunday if you are having people over and it feeds a ton.

It's called Eclair pie. I call it Get In My Belly!

The Goods
2 small packages of vanilla pudding
1 small package of chocolate pudding
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 tub of cool whip
1 package of graham crackers
1 3/4 cup of milk
1/3/4 cup of milk (yes I wrote this twice, hold your horses you will see why)
13"x 9" pan

Mix 2 packages of vanilla pudding with 1 3/4 cup of milk
Layer graham crackers on bottom of pan (about 9-12 grahams)
Spread vanilla mixture on top
Layer grahams again
Mix package of chocolate pudding 1 3/4 cup of milk
Spread chocolate mixture on top
Mix tub of cool whip with 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
Spread on top of chocolate pudding
Chill for 2 hours

Wallah! This is yummy and easy. The best thing about this is, if you are diabetic and also on a diet like most of America, you can make this low fat using 2% milk, sugar free pudding mix and lite cool whip. Oh, and kids love eating this too!

Enjoy Superbowl Sunday! Oh, yeah, who's playing again? Who cares! Let's fiesta!


Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Five A Roo

There's a little ditty going around Instagram where you tag people and then you let them know five things about you. My little precious Miki tagged me so here were my responses on Sunday.

1. I can burp for 10 seconds. 
2. I have 10 fingers and 10 toes.. Yeah weird. 
3. When I blow my nose it sounds like a clown horn. 
4. I can moonwalk and do the worm. 
5. I can stand on my head and fart the Star Spangled Banner. I tag everyone.

So I made that crap up. Well, I could probably moonwalk and do the worm but at my age it wouldn't be wise. I have a high deductible and I am not fond of hospitals.

Here are five REAL facts.

1. I really do have 10 fingers and 10 toes. It's amazing. I was blessed what can I say? Don't hate.

2. I never wanted to have children although I love kids. Then I hit 30 and I pretty much said my loins needed to make up their mind. One thing they don't tell you is after you have children when you sneeze more times than not you will pee your pants a little because your bladder just doesn't operate like before. 

3. I hate my name.  Loathe it. I promise that once my mother is not able to do things on her own, the payback will be Shady Pines Home for the elderly and taking away her bed pan. I was named after a famous singer Dusty Springfield. Google it. But growing up I just wanted a simple name. When I was honky tonkin' I always said my name was Beth. I mean how generic can you get? I look like a Beth if I do not say so myself. Of course, I could have said my name was Star Maine Moon Pie. 

4. Green Beans freak me out! I just cannot wrap my head around why this vegetable is in existence. They are slimey. They stink. They are mushy and anything you have to cook with a so called "ham-hock" I do NOT feel necessary to eat. I will take a zero.

5. I wanted to be a rock star. Really! I wanted to sing. I still grab a hairbrush from time to time and pretend. That's when no one is looking. I also slide across my hardwood floor in my underwear. It's not pretty and it's also a multi-tasking move since my floors need to be swept daily. 

So there are 5 real facts about me. There are so many facets to my life. I mean who wouldn't want all this and a bag of chips? It's amazing. I get to be called Mom. That's probably the only fact that's important. All the other stuff is just part of the road map.

Go ahead! Write your 5 things on your blog. It's all the rage apparently although I am usually very behind on anything going around in blogland.

Happy Tuesday,


Friday, January 25, 2013


Some days you just gotta let your hair down. 

Some days you just have to say, "Ah, the hell with it!" 

Some days you don't have to be beautiful. 

Some days you have to break the rules.

Some days you just have to say "No!"

Some days it's okay to be different!

Some days you love.

Some days you do not.

But most days YOU ARE YOU!

Be true to yourself! 
Thank you for letting me be me! I love you all!

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Slap Happy

If you haven't heard me talk about Operation Bikini 2013 or followed me on Twitter to see me gripe about it. Then oh, yeah, I decided that one of my goals (not resolutions) was to slide my slap happy ass into a bikini by summer. Yes, I want to fit into skinny jeans and all the clothes in my closet that are begging for me to wear them again. I am not overweight but out of shape. And I didn't know out of shape I was until I started this process. 

It's going on three weeks now and I have been exercising at some level 4 days a week. I started out at 20 minutes then the next week 30 and now I am moving up to 40 minutes. Last night, I did 20 minutes of kickboxing and 20 minutes of Zumba. Foks, I am sure I died twice. Sweating isn't my favorite thing to do, but here's the deal. Because I don't go to a gym, I workout with the Xbox and Fitness Evolution 2012 and then the Zumba DVD's and I find myself because I have no one to interact with except telling the dogs to beat it, that I talk to the TV. 

Do you talk to the TV? The virtual chick was telling me every time I did a good cross body punch, "Great Job!" I was like "Thanks". Then the guy was going to fast and I was like "Dude, slow down!" What does he care? He's a glowing shadow who doesn't give a rats patootie if I kick right, left or jump in a circle. Of course, it's just like a man to have the woman tell you you're a screw up.

Mr. Zumba guy is way too happy! But I also find myself starting to talk Cuban. At the beginning of the DVD he says "Feel da music." I repeat it to myself. "Feel da music." Then at the end he says "Good Job!" I find myself saying out loud, "Thank you!" Of course, there they all are in their flat, tan stomachs doing the booty circle and I am just trying not to knock the dogs out with my two pigs fighting over a pile of slop in the back. I secretly want to take a Cuban cigar and burn the girl with the tramp stamp the size of Texas's eyes out because she's so overzealous with her moves. I think the Beto guy and little Miss I Bounce You Bounce, we all bounce, a bounce bounce are doing a little somethin' somethin' on the side. 

At any rate, we all have become fairly close with each other all though the virtual people see me as a scanned alien type. I am on my way to a bikini and feeling better about myself. And if anyone decides to knock on my door or peek through the window, they are just going to see something that looks like a greyhound chasing a rabbit at the race track and a Sybil like personality talking to the television.

How's your workout going? I am going to incorporate some yoga and Pilates in the mix next week. That should be interesting. Did you make any goals for 2013? 

Until then, Adios,

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Everybody All Skate

This year is all about fun. A few weeks ago, I told you how I was thinking outside my box in fashion and have been looking for fun things I would normally admire but never buy. Then came the sneaker wedge and since then it's been fun trying to put things together that are casual cool.

Roller skating back in the day was the place to be. Did this girl get a new pair of skates at 13 years old? Sure did. White with blue wheels and blue pom poms with bells. I was slicker than shit on a cats behind. Skating then became more about what couple was in the corner getting to first base and a LOT of kissing and then you out grow it. I still like to go roller skating now that I have the Kid. So, when I came across this t-shirt, I was smitten. I love novelty tees.

This tee
Source: via Girls Love on Pinterest

A pair of throw back 70's Flairs

and the new wedge sneakers

This to me is fun style. Everyone kept saying "what will you wear them with?" Here ya go! A throw back salute to the days of being a girl thinking she was cool. Of course, I also had the Madonna bob with lots of curls. Strike a pose.

Here's the kicker. I was going to buy this tee but it's an extra small. So if anyone knows where I could buy another one in a medium or large (because I dry everything in the dryer on high in truth because I am a lazy), I would love ya for life. 

Happy Wednesday from the Tater Queen! What's your throwback outfit?

Ice Ice Baby,

Monday, January 21, 2013

I'm a little Sprite today

I don't find a reason to wish anyone a happy Monday. I hate them. I have yet to understand why in this country we have to go back to work on that day or why we only have two days off from labor? It seems to me the weekends only consist of catching up from the crap you didn't get to do during the week. With that, catch up is a pretty good word here to use. Last week, I was consumed with personal things and to be quite frank, I had nothing funny or even remotely interesting to say. So instead of being a Debbie Downer, I just refuse to open up blogger and write it down. But I thought I would go ahead and fill you in on a few things I have been up too.

First, I have become addicted to Sprite. Why? Who knows. Don't get me wrong I still like my Mt. Dew's, but at night I like the taste of this cool refreshing lemon lime drink and it doesn't keep me up at night with all of the caffeine. Oh, now I know why I like it, because it sometimes does not prevent me from sleeping.

Speaking of sleep, the last several months, I wake up at 3 am with snot. I don't understand it. I thought winter killed all the snot producing molecules in the air. I blow and blow, sneeze and sneeze until about 4 am and then get another hour of sleep and wake up still full of snot and worn out. Saturday night I took a Zyrtec thank you Target. I didn't wake up until 8 am Sunday morning. My nose says thank you. My eardrums may be able to recover from popping but the only thing is it made me so thirsty in which I drank more Sprite.

From my lazy ass syndrome I had this weekend it gave me time to become enamored with the reruns of Castle. Anyone else watch this show? I literally have sat watching every episode for hours only getting up to get more Sprite and pee. All I can say is if the two stars of the show don't boink soon in one of the upcoming episodes I am going to scream. I am sure this is the purpose to lure me in and see if they end up together or not. The underlying innuendo of them having a crush on each other or whatever it is but not acting on it, is driving me nuts. Just kiss the girl already. She's not going to shoot your ass.

I love candles. I have to have them burning at all times. Maybe its the smell of something delicious baking in my house or the dog scent that lingers because I have two worthless animals that cohabitate in my dwelling leaving fur and bad breath particles all over. Regardless, my candle had burnt out for over a week and it literally almost drove me insane. I bought four at the grocery store yesterday..oh and Sprite.

Finally, I would like to say thank you to Target. While picking up my Zyrtec, I noticed that you have begun to bring out all the spring essentials including the bikini's. Yes, Operation Bikini is underway. I have done fairly well, except for cinnamon roll I had for breakfast on Sunday. Sorry it smelled so good. But I think that next year I am going to protest. This has to be some type of ancient torture! Discrimination against women who are trying their best to work off the holiday poundage. Great! I started my workouts at 20 minutes and worked myself up last week to 30 minutes. Thinking that I was working at a good pace 4 days a week, you just caused me to up my game to 40 minutes possibly five days a week now because I feel it necessary to squeeze my fluffy in some cute little aqua and brown number with bows and ruffles. I hate you. Thank gawd I am drinking Sprite, a low calorie, non-caffeinated drink. 

Okay, well, that's my Monday, the weekend, the 411 and all the crap rolled into a skinny tortilla filled with rabbit food. "I have a dream," Martin Luther King said. But I am sure it didn't consist of pushing his thighs and his behind into spandex and baby oil.

Happy Monday!

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Roadmap of the Face

I used to be the biggest sun seeker. After having a skin caner removed in a place that, well hurt like a bitch, I decided that seeking the Vitamin C for me comes in the form of spray tan or tan in a can. Do I still get out in the sun? Yes. Do I baste myself like a Christmas turkey, not without sunscreen. 

So in the winter, I try to also have some type of color to my face. I have been enamored with contouring and bronzing. Does this mean I have perfected the art and will look like Kim Kardash? Lawd, I hope not. That would mean I would be carrying a gold digger's baby and it will be born with dollar sign magnifying sun glasses.

Any hoot, I have purchased several bronzers the last month or so. Snookie would be proud. I know there are several expensive brands but moma on a buget, so after four different kinds and several shades I found that the Elf Blush/Bronzer Duo in St. Lucia is the ticket. Now don't get me wrong. I am sure there are many ways to do this without looking like the chick from Something About Mary. And I certainly haven't perfected it. I know there are certain brushes to use and many ways to do this, but I wanted to share this trick with everyone. 

The darker areas are the ones you use the bronzing shade on. I mean you can even contour your nose. I like this idea since I learned recently that your nose keeps growing as you get older. Thank you forty one year old self. And your welcome for that little learning lesson for the day. You can click the source at the bottom of the picture and go to the site to see how its done or for craps sake, You Tube it. But the little road map of the face looks pretty self explanatory.

So, ladies, make sure instead of looking like you stuck your face in a chocolate pie, you perfect the art of bronzing. My tip is bronzing the hollows of the cheeks and then adding the blush just right above, then I take a big bristle all over fact blush and blend. But do start out light, too much bronzer and you look like you got into a mud pie fight.

This is one trick I have learned to keep looking scrumfunkalicious. Do you contour and bronze it up? Tips and tricks are welcome. 

Happy Wednesday!

Monday, January 14, 2013

It's All Crap If You Ask Me

S.O.S! That's right save our ship. It has rained here for almost 4 days straight. I thought I might need to run out to the "outdoor building" (uppity in the South for shed) and get a float of some magnitude in case I needed to rescue myself. Either way it provided a good excuse to not do jack crap. The Kid has been sick with the flu for a week and I am fairly certain that it's trying to invade my body somehow. I don't have any symptoms but I could be almost one percent certain it is plotting and scheming with those mucus monsters from the Mucinex commercials.

Any hoot, when I have time on my hands I ponder as you should know by now. If not well, your not missing much just useless knowledge that someday could help a man on fire. Why a man on fire? Well, they tell you to drop and roll when you catch a blaze and if that happens and you can remember any of my ridiculous posts then you will fall to the ground laughing. Holy crapola. I just now became a freaking hero. I knew this blog was good for something.

Here my twat waffles, is what I am pondering as of late. I am doing a weight loss challenge. Counting calories, exercising and trying my best to be diligent because Operation Bikini is just a mere months away. With this plight, I keep thinking to myself that shaving my legs has to count for something. So, I am giving myself minus a pound off for doing such activity. It's exercise if you ask me and I think all the added fur could be hindering my leg lifting ability. I mean those bicycle dudes that go all the way to some foreign country and trek up mountains are hairless. There has to be some truth to it. By the way, how do they get there bikes over their? That doesn't count as a carry on.

I keep reading in all these smut magazines, you know In Style and People etc, that people pay big bucks to get a blow out. Don't these rich chicks do their own hair? I blow out my hair every other day. I own a blow dryer. That's right and a round brush and have they not noticed that You Tube probably has a gazillion tutorials on the perfect blow out? Why is it that a salon is better to do your hair? Do their blow driers have magic powers with insta lift? I could use the $100 smacks to buy something else like the BOGO sale at Payless. I predict the blow out only last about the same amount of time as a shampoo set with an 80 year old woman who's hair is made of wire and flammable. I don't honestly get it. Who Does that?  

I keep hearing about clean eating. What does that mean? You are eating clean. What? Did you spray windex on it? I would hope my food is clean. I don't eat it out of a trash can. I don't marinate it in dirt and most times abide by the 5 second rule. So, unless you people do a wax on wax off method, all food is clean in my book.

And finally, last season all the rage was this Oxblood color. I personally see it as the 80 and 90's version of Aigner. You guys remember Aigner? I had an Aigner handbag in 1990. My aunt had the whole kit and kaboodle - coat, boots, handbag. But now its Oxblood. Well, gross. Even down to the lipstick. I didn't dig it. Imagine someone coming up and saying, "oh, what a lovely color, what is it?" Oxblood. Oh, yummy. Your wearing something that is  being referred to as an animal's DNA. What ever happened to its dark fushia or mauve? I looked and I seriously did not see Oxblood in the Kid's 64 count crayon set. Seriously, what's next toenail yellow? I degress.

Well, happy Monday my little pretties. Let's make it a good one. 


Friday, January 11, 2013

I Took A Dump

Happy Friday to all. It's time for a minor dump. I did so much dumping last week, I was left a little dehydrated. So just a few things as we close out this second week of 2013.

I also want to invite you to join me on Twitter and Instagram if you haven't already. I would love to follow along with you and more madness.

First, one more picture of the kid on game day. I made him aware
the Ducks play the Vols this year.  He called me a chump. 
Here I am trying to make a duck face. I just end up looking like
I passed gas.
Me n the Kid
Two lazy ass Labs

So, that's it! I want to say thank you to all the newbies this week. Please let me know you followed so I can follow back. Also, I had some fantastic giggles these past few days. I love when there is laughter. 

Have a great weekend y'all! 

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

One Two Buckle My Shoe

Before I get to the normal fashion post for Wednesday, I thought I would go ahead and address yesterday's post. Although I said I was going to allow Anonymous comments on my blog I changed my mind. Why did I let Mr. Impotent win? Because I feel like my readers shouldn't be distracted by stupid. I also feel that if this fart blossom can come over and comment, he also sees and can click on other's blogs and stalk them with his crazy antics. So for the sake of my true readers, I am not allowing anony comments unless I instruct otherwise. We read others comments and search for new blogs this way and I don't want people to feel like they can't comment on my blog freely without spam jerks. So you win, Mr. I will never marry an American woman. I hope you and your hand enjoy a life filled with dry chapped skin. 

Okay, now on to the new Tater Queen. I am going to be doing alot of different things this year. No I didn't make resolutions but a list of things I want to accomplish in 2013. One of the things that I want to do is think outside my box a little bit when it comes to fashion. I am a boho kind of girl being a product of the very early 70's. I love classic and whimsical styles and even though I love to look at other people wearing modern type pieces, it's not in my norm to purchase these. It doesn't mean I am going to run out and buy a chevron dress or a a scarf that covers my whole head and I look like the blue turtle neck guy from Fat Albert. It means that I am going to try different things that I normally wouldn't do. Of course this all depends on my diet and exercise plan. So far so good, except I did eat a piece of pizza last night. Oopsie. 

For a few months now my friend Lindsay and I have had much debate about these wedge sneaker shoes. At first, we both hated them and then during Christmas as I was glued to Pinterest like dogshit on a the back of poodle fur, I started seeing some that I really liked. She still wasn't buying it. So, I received a few gift cards for Christmas, did a little research and found a pair that were on sale for $30 smacks. I tried them on, left, texted Lindsay, put it on Instagram and with the overwhelming majority, went back and bit the bullet and bought them. She still wasn't convinced but allowed it. And guess what? I like them. Now do I still like the bright blue ones or ones that look like I should be playing in the NBA? Uh that's a negative, but I don't look like a hoochy moma drug dealer and they are really cuter on.

So, yes, I went shopping in my sweats, no makeup, you should have seen my hair, but I caught a great deal and a cute pair of shoes (or two) that are outside my comfort zone. They do feel somewhat like wearing other wedge type shoes, a little hard, but I put insoles in them and they are comfy. I went outside my normal and it felt great. New beginnings are cool. And these would defiantly kick someone's buttouski. 

Are you taking risks in fashion this year? If so, tell me. Also, follow me on Pinterest. I am a maniac on this site.

Happy Wednesday,

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Blogger Allowance

New Year's Day I received my very first comment of 2013. At first I was excited to see who the first person to read and comment on my blog was. Then I realized it was from Anonymous. I normally do not read these comments and if I do its the first few lines to see if it could be someone who is a non blogger. Most of its someone selling something or if my blog has had a suggestive title then its from the pervs. I normally just ignore it. I have struggled when I started this blog to either moderate the comments or let them be free. And since you all know I don't like rules well, free it is. But this was rather funny. I proceeded to read it, then followed the link at the bottom. Oh, lawdy what a joke. If you want to read the comment click here and scroll down because I don't want to republish. But here are my thoughts on this dumbass who sent this comment which starts out as why he won't marry an American women. It's more like why an American woman shouldn't marry him?

First, you're a douchebag. I suspect that you have dated many woman and each one has found out that your dinger is the size of a fly and they dumped you like a hot potato.

Second, you seriously decreased your odds by announcing this to the world. If you think that your not going to ever get laid by an American, well guess what Lithuania isn't missing much either.

Third, you probably still live with mommy and she still makes you eat at the table at 6 pm sharp and makes your favorite dessert...fuckstick cookies.

Fourth, you probably have little man syndrome and mismatched kneecaps. Kickball must have been hard in school and so all teenage girls probably called you knobby knees. 

Lastly, your an egotistical, cowlick wearing, one nipple bigger than the other, gap toothed, uncircumcised, cross toed, bucktooth, cat breath, prickasourous who got rejected by Match dot com because they figured out that your profile wouldn't match with the other 7 billion really sweet women who are looking for love even if you lied. Holy shit where's the Tylenol!

In other words, woman won't marry you because your not nice. Do all the American women a favor, keep hating us, save us the trouble of filing a restraining order on your happy stalking ass.

Oh, and I am still going to allow anonymous comments. They get me all hyped up like a spider monkey on Mt. Dew.

Happy Tuesday,

Friday, January 4, 2013

I Took A Dump

Do you know how long it's been since I took a dump? A while. So, here goes! 

The Kid loves the Oregon Ducks, what can I say? I will just have to deal with it. Thanks Jes, Chris and Sharkie
Our holiday picture. Original huh?
Sweet Love note
Conjoined Twins

Seriously, how could I not buy this ornament?
Cozy Christmas pj's
Secret Santa gift from my sweet Lindsay! I love you!
Santa baby

Libby Lou and the Kid on Christmas Eve
Christmas wishes
A gift made by my sister, Amanda
Girls night

There's my recap people. I am no longer bloated and the relief to 
share these photo bombs with you, is well plop plop fizz fizz worthy.

Happy Friday,

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Hot Tamale..Life, Actually

So it's a new year of Hot Tamale's. I love this girl. She's funny and has the cutest pup pup. I love her because she's real and she says what she means. But you have to care deeply about a sister and a friend who supports our troops. So go over and say hello, follow along and make her new year special. She truly deserves it. 

Hey guys! I'm Stephanie and I blog over at Life, Actually. If you visit me, you'll read stuff about: life, family, love, my crazy dog (Walter), our fun adventures and photography.

You can read more about me here. And, you can read about Walter here.

Something new that I'm experiencing (that actually started in November) is my brother being deployed. This is his very first deployment and I've never had a sibling/significant other/etc be deployed before (I've had friends deployed a lot, but nobody that I was super close to)

My brother is lucky, he has a huge support team here at home. He has been gone only a month and has two care packages on the way already. He has Internet access almost daily so he can get on Facebook and Skype and talk to all of us. He's lucky on that aspect. He has a ton of support. I am so thankful for that.

Not everyone that is over there is as lucky as him. I was doing some reading and found out that there are plenty of soldier with nobody at home. Or no one that has access to the Internet that can chat with them regularly. Or no one that can afford to send them care packages. They don't have the support that will help them get through a deployment.

Then, I stumbled upon a website where you can link up with deployed soldier to be pen pals (via e-mail mostly). I found a lieutenant who was asking for support for his unit. I emailed him and he told me his next unit arrives right before Christmas (how sad...right before the holidays) and that he would link me up with a soldier (or soldiers) to chat with while they are deployed. I can't wait. I would love to help support these guys while they are gone...even if it is just by emailing them.

If anyone would like to help a soldier, either by becoming an email pen pal or by sending care packages, please email me (stephylee00[at]gmail[dot]com). I can get you the lieutenant's email address and/or mailing address.

Anywho, hope y'all enjoy my blog!

Happy 2013!

See pretty cool huh! Again, go over and say Hi and follow her on Twitter as well. She's a loyal follower and a hoot! Thank you Stephanie for being a Hot Tamale! Big hugs!


Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Rewind Twenty Nine

Sometimes I think of a story, then I select a title. Sometimes a think of a title then write the story. Today, the title means nothing and the story is just a recap of somethings I found interesting, boring or just plain willie wonka'd in 2012. Yes, I could give you recap of my favorite post, or my non existent outfits that I thought I would display or say click here and read this crap, but if you read my blog, you know what I have wrote and if you're new then you should have been catching up. I am correct? Correct. So here are a few things this lifestyle blogger found in 2012 that I feel sums up how I felt about a few things and glad that the new year is here. Yeah, yeah, I am going to get to some stuff I plan for 2013, but let me do a little catching up will ya? 

First, Chevron was all the rage. Shirts, skirts, pillows and bows. It was everywhere. I like it although I would rather have flower power, it's a modern twist. But wearing it is totally different. Why would I want to wear something that is an inverted math sign? I see it and I think it screams my boobs are <less than> my stomach or here is an arrow tip pointing to every part of my body that is being defied by gravity going down. I guess it could be a big bunch of W's or if you stand on your head, M's. Oh, wait, its multi-functional. I get it now.

The top knot. I for one, I am a fan. I am certain that my hair is glad I am going back to work because this is basically how my hair has stayed for 9 total days not consecutive of course. My hair at this moment has enough grease to fry an egg on it. To say I was lazy is an understatement. I have seen many a bun over the last year and ladies here is the deal. In the South, we say the higher the hair, the closer to God. But if you start looking like Marge Simpson, then its time to maybe try a pony tail. I just don't feel that inter tubes on the top of your head are appropriate unless you could be drowning. Oh, wait it's multi-functional. I get it now.

Liquid Leggings are well, I have no clue. I see them and think why do I want to wear something that enhances the liquid that makes up the fat content in my legs? Liquid moves. It jiggles. Sloshes to be exact. So do my thighs. I see them and think this is the tar and feathered look but where is big bird. Somewhere a pot hole is missing its fillings. Oh, wait its multi-functional. I get it now.

Facebook has drove me nuts. I have over 300 friends an only 80 of them wished me happy birthday back in November. Why am I friends with these people? They never comment on my status. Plus, I have two people that post over and over. I walked up the stairs. I walked down the stairs. I walked back up the stairs. I tripped, fell down the stairs. Now I should go back up the stairs and call 911. For fucks sake, I just want to see the pictures and  and read funny status updates. One guy was about half dead a couple of weeks ago. First his arm was going to fall off in 6 hours, then the doctor said he was lucky he had 24 hours and he could have gotten an infection and died. Holy shit, the world was ending on that Friday and the mother effer got a jump start is really how I felt about it! Ugh! Facebook isn't for every time you take a dump, every time you had a bad day and decide to cuss out the world, those feel sorry for me status updates five at a time, that you ripped off your toenail to the quick or that other people in your family seem to be fighting and its good gossip. Oh, wait its multi-functional. I get it now.

Naked children on a blog. I just somehow find it yuckola. Yeah, kids butts are cute. Every little crinkle you just wanna love it, squeeze it and call that fat ripple George, but seriously, if you think it's appropriate and then someone steals your kids photo to sell then your a dumbass and have no right to complain, plus your giving every pervert out there an outlet. Oh, I see your stats go up because some whackoff is observing your naked children in the sand. Oh, wait, that's screwed up. I don't get it.

Big Name Bloggers who are rude. News flash! This dumbshit right here is one of the many who passed along all of your names to read. News flash! One of this dumbshit's 300 plus followers probably led me to your blog and I keep reading it because well, it sometimes perhaps can be funny and you do have material that this dumbshit might want to twist, spin, turn and write about someday.  But here's my deal. Just because you are somewhat a bag of chips, not everyone is all that. People spend money advertising on your blog so you can buy more Chevron and liquid leggings and 15 more trips to Ikea. Unless you have over 10,000 followers not counting feedburner, bloglovin, check here, check this box, yes or no follow me to Oz and back, if I leave you a comment, how about just saying, thank you, or bahaha, or maybe you have an auto response that says, "thank you for coming by and visiting such and such blog, right now I can't answer you because I am too busy asking the lady in the mirror who the fairest of them all is." Oh, wait your an asshole. I get it.

So there you have it. Some of my recap. I could go on and on! It's a new year. New material. New life. New beginnings. So let's have fun this 2013. You think it, I say it. Oh, wait, we are multi-functional. I get it now.


Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Is It Really 2013 Already?

Oh, hello! Remember me? That's right the blogger that hasn't posted in over a week. Why? Cause I didn't feel like it. I didn't have the words. I have had 10 days off and so much planned and you want to know what I did? Nothing. Well, I bought a shoe organizer and arranged my closet. That's it. I said I was going to paint. Didn't happen. I said I was going to work on my upcoming shop. That didn't happen. I thought about going to the movies. That didn't happen.

What I did was sat on my butt. You would think planting my gluteous would have made it into a flat pancake. But nope, Fluffy is still here. I Pinterest'd until my eyeballs couldn't take it anymore. As a matter of fact, I am writing this blog at 6:30 pm, New Year's Eve and will hit publish and go back to the iPad..and Pinterest. 

My Christmas was good except a few bumps and my New Year's is spent with the most important man in my life, The Kid. I am fairly certain, we fell asleep before midnight. 

So I will get to my 2012 wrap up and my wishes for 2013 in another post, but today I want to say Happy New Year to all of my friends and family. I can tell you that in some of my despair the past year, it has been this blog that has help me feel laughter, brought me tears and made me feel worthy. I am grateful for this outlet. 

I hope this blog grows but not because I am selling products or trying to convince the world as I have tried to do in the past that I am better than The Daybook. I mean seriously, I am not delusional. Well, some of the time, but I want people to come and enjoy a little space that deals with the trials and tribulations of life, but mostly laughter. This is a lifestyle blog. It has a little of this and that and I continue in 2013 to stay on that path. I like showing off other's blogs because that's how we grow and meet each other and honestly if it wasn't for some of the wonderful comments and inspiration from this community, I might have just been sad most of this last year. I am grateful.

So, Happy New Year to everyone. I adore you. I love you and I thank you. Here is to a better 2013.

Happy New Year Friends,