Monday, April 30, 2012

I Dream Of..

I day dream alot..more than the average person, so I have told ya. I think of all the places I want to go. We talk about all the time of the places we want to go and name them off. One of my best friends, Lorraine is from Long Island and I have always had this fascination with the Hamptons among other places which I am sure you will hear about soon. Then something happened and my daydreams could be delusions. What happened?


I love this show! Seriously, on Wednesday nights there is silence. For seven years all I have seen is Disney and Nickelodeon channel. All I ask for is my Sunday's for the Real Housewives and Wednesday nights for Revenge. I demand silence! The show is based in the Hamptons which only makes my wanting to go there even worse.

I love Emily VanCamp in this show and if I watch this series all the way through to the end be it four years from now and she doesn't end up with Jack, you going to see one cray cray wench open a can of redneck princess whoopass. I love Jack. I mean he owns a bar for booze! (oh and I want her hair style, soooooo bad but that requires exerting my curling iron)

Who wouldn't think this was cool on a fall evening watching a movie on the lawn? Or....

Bustin' up a summer wedding! Wouldn't that be a hoot? This southern belle all up in some high fallootin' formal dinner. I would come in with my flip flops on and my cheap $7 dollar wine and say.."Sup, bitches who wants some Arbor Mist Sangria?" Whoo Hoo. Let's electric slide ya'll! 

So, yes, I will go there one day hopefully dragging my friend (she sorta promised but I have to remind her). I think its good for a country girl to dream. I wouldn't fit in, but it's ok. It's just a visit. I wouldn't totally pay the medical expenses for grandma getting drunk off cheap wine at the reception thinking she could do the worm.

Day dream your way,

Friday, April 27, 2012

It's a wrap

This week seemed to go on forever. I was sick and still don't feel great but I am getting there. I thought I would give you the end of the week wrap up and wish you a wonderful weekend. I will be catching up on my blog friends since I have had no energy to do jack squat. 

Worthless guard dog #1, Mille
while I was sick she provided no comfort what so ever 
she's kind of a beast

Worthless guard dog #2 Libby Lou
she actually laid on the couch with me most of the day Monday
then snuck off to make out with Scooby

bored out of my gourd
I decided I wanted to attempt the buzzer thing everyone is wearing on their heads
so I did a little research found a tutorial
and rolled my hair in a sock
after 18 times I almost perfected it and it gave me a perfect look at the 
color my hair stylist does on my hair 

I attempted to Skype with these beautiful girls
but for some reason I couldn't get a good connection
I did at one time or another get to see some of them for 5.2 seconds  
long enough to hear my redneck voice, cuss out Skype and not get to see Sharks or Tucker
this was before beautiful McKaila dialed in and we missed 
Jamie hopefully next time we can all connect
and I was yucky on Sunday I missed my chat with Shay (next time my friend)
I hope they still love me 
Oh, and do you notice anything?
Aren't they the best Farrah's ever (well Justyn, she's doing her best full frontal Farrah!)

and when I got back to the grind
the office appreciated me with this bouquet of flowers
and a $50 dollar Visa gift card
Happy Administration Day to all!

So there you have it. I have thoughts pondering for next week. Thank you to my sissy, Justyn for the Hot Tamale post this week and to all the well wishes.

Happy Weekend everyone!

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Hot Tamale ..Thoughts By ..A Petite Brunette

On Monday I was the host of a a magnificent Hen Party over at Thoughts By.. A Petite Brunette.  If you read the post you understand that Justyn and I are sorta sisters separated at birth. We have so much in common and I am so happy to have followed her and now we are friends. We Skyped for almost 2 hours last Friday. Which really meant our computers didn't cooperate and I think that we actually did get to see and talk to each other for a total 20 minutes. But I loved every minute of it. This girl gets my feature award this week and her mom even accepted me into the family. I know, already? Yes, love at first write. So without further delay, here she is Lord Justyn...

I feel like I’m writing my speech for the Academy Awards or something. “Thank you to the Academy and thank you to the lovely Dusty De for finding me and friending me, I can honestly say that without her I would not be here” obviously.  “Without her I would not have been considered for a “Hot Tamale” *insert blush* post and of course I wouldn’t be here if she hadn’t actually asked me to write THIS ‘ERE POST {that part was my redneck accent}” Annnnd scene.

The only problem is she didn’t give me a topic; so now I’m left wondering where I want to take you fried pickle lovers on my short – or possibly long – expedition through Dusty Land. I guess I could tell you about the thing I know the most about, Moi. First off – I don’t speak French.

Otherwise I’m full of interesting and un-useful facts such as: A group of deer is called a Heard and a flock of geese {whilst not in flight} is called a Gaggle. You can thank my mountain man husband for teaching me such things. I am also the owner of a two and a half year old daughter who tries my patience on a daily basis, but is ultimately my reason for living. I’m still a newbie to the blogging {and marriage} world, and unsurprisingly one my most popular post is about sex.

As for other interesting facts; Dusty and I share a lot in common such as: our unique boyish names, our birthday, our alias, and our career paths. Quite a coincidence! I can see how one could think *cough, cough* that we might be long lost twins and/or soul mates.  {See highlighted Tweet Convo} 

I’m really amazed by Dusty. Not just because we were obviously put on Earth to be good friends, but because she’s kind of an amazing person. She’s the kind of friend that every girl needs – the one that says “Who cares if your ass looks big in those jeans, Power to the Fluffy!” That said - this is knowledge that you already possess, so let’s stay on track here people.

My blog is a little eclectic – much like myself.  I recently learned to cook at the fragile age of 24. Yes, I am 24 and I have an almost three year old – who was born out of wedlock, I’m also kind of Catholic. Sometimes I like to pretend that I’m a fashion model or that people would actually want to wear my outfits. When I have these “moments” I go to an inconspicuous spot and turn the self timer of my camera on while singing “Vogue” in my head. I do have the occasional insight as to how other people should live their lives. That’s when I go into shrink mode and imagine that said people want to know what I’m thinking and/or would one day be willing to pay me for my opinion. Eclectic…crazy… it’s pretty much the same thing here in Virginia. 

I didn’t feel like my special post had enough pictures so here are all of the faces of Justyn.
And with that, I believe it is time to say goodbye fellow fried pickle lovers.
You can stalk me here, here, and here

Isn't she adorable? I know and do you see the family resemblance? Working with me now aren't you? I love her. Go visit her, send her cyber hugs, kiss her faces in these pictures, just don't tell anyone and enjoy her blog. It's 100 percent worth it! Thank you again, for being my it chick this week and for those sweet words!

Happy Thursday,

P.S. If you wanna join the Hot Tamale's just send me a message or email. I would love to have everyone see how great we bloggers are. Oh, I may just ask you anyway!

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Handcuff me

I recently made a visit back to my home town. I make that sound like its hundreds of miles away but its not. Like 30 miles. Most all of my family still lives there except a few.. like three of us. Don't get me wrong. I am tickled I was raised in a small town, but glad I moved because everyone knew when you took a pee. I went in and ate at the little restaurant right off the interestate and they had this little gift shop when you walked in. Much to my suprise because I wouldn't expect Vera Bradley products in a restaurant called the Timberloft. Any hoot, this little store had some really cute stuff and one of the items I fell in love with was this jewelry from Lenny & Eva. 

We had to eat and when I went back to look some more for even a possible purchase they had put up the long chain rope and closed up shop for the evening. It was a Sunday so I will forgive them at this time. I came home and did a little research and found the website. Click above link and was in love. Let me give you the DL on this stuff....

Go to the website and see the pictures I was nostalgic after looking at them
made me want to frolic

these are the items they sell
love these cuffs and you can pick out any saying you want
and they are interchangeable

you also can get little charms to put on them

these are the two I am contemplating
I always say this to my friends

I love this alot
its the message of the only way your going to get anywhere in this world is
if you do it yourself

oh and this is for the Keep Calm lovers

So there you have it. They have spiritual quotes as well, and they have these for the little ones and men, which would be a great anniversary or birthday gift. A saying that binds you two together and all that mushing crap.

I love them. Visit the website and enjoy. Which one do you like? Fight Like a Girl or the Legend plate? 

Happy Wednesday everyone and thank you for the well wishes. I am on the roids and feeling 90 percent better.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012


I have been under the weather the last few days. Saturday I woke up and felt like well, dog chit! It progressively got worse and to the doctor I went yesterday. So I am loading up on steroids and antibiotics and I should be back to my normal hulk like self very soon. I apologize that I don't have a terrific post or that I have read every blog and commented like I usually do, but lying down and reading a smut magazine seems to be the key to recovery. I promise to get back to you guys soon. 

I thought it would be fun to share my very first ever post when I started blogging. I actually started a blog two years ago and then it freaked me out a bit and after two posts stopped because I wasn't sure what direction I wanted to go after doing some bloggy research. Mom blogs, fashion blogs, funny blogs, cooking blogs, Blogs, blogs, blogs. So I wanted to make sure that I established myself and knew why I was blogging. I think or at least hope that I have made my mark. 

Here is my very first ever post back in August 2011. I sure have come a long way, but I knew that this would be my very first post which actually if I look back on it, set the tone for this whole entire blog of mine. 

click link above

I love you my followers! Have a great day. 

Monday, April 23, 2012


I am a ponderer. Is that even a word? I will be driving down the road and thoughts enter my head and think hmmm. I am a deep thinker. I over analyse. I research it. I ask people about it. I should have been a psychiatrist or a private detective. So, setting in traffic last week which is what I do every frigging day, my mind wondered. I think of things that would be great conversations amongst the girlfriends on a night gathered around with pizza and wine. But then it made me think, why wouldn't I just want to ask these questions myself. For instance...

I would like to ask God why women have so many beauty routines? I mean Adam thought Eve was hot snot and all she had on was a leaf. Do you think he saw the hair and said, um, no I don't think I will kiss you until you shave your legs. I hate to shave my legs. So why couldn't he have just said, Dusty I give you to your parents as a symbol of my love and I also grant you the amazing gift of Venus smooth legs for the rest of your life.

Why do Eskimos live in igloos? Do they still live in igloos? Are there still real life Eskimos? I  mean who thought of building a house out of ice blocks? Where did you think this was energy efficient? I am all for being green, but freezing my baguettes off isn't my kind of way to save the earth. You can put on a furry parka all you want but I wouldn't be coming over for dinner. And you build the fire outside the igloo. Hell-o people! You go inside to stay warm. I don't think the Eskimos had this plan well thought out if you ask me. 

Why didn't the Pope and Mother Teresa date? Here are two people that spread the most amazing words of love and compassion. I mean nobody would have ever believed it if they had. They are Saints. He was wearing a bed sheet, instant love nest. You mean to say they never had the urge? He didn't have passion in his pants? Wouldn't it be funny to invite her to one of those surprise girly parties and hand her a bag with a vibrator inside. That would be after we got her wasted on jello shots. Listen, I say they should have took a mule ride up to a mountain somewhere, turned on a little Marvin Gaye on the boom box, ate a little cheese and Bleeped. Of course the poor lady, she would probably have thought she got slimed by the Ghost Busters after all was said and done. Maybe we just leave that one like it is.

So see, I have a lot of time to think. Traffic is torture but it also gives me time to reflect on the utterly stupid.

You can also find me over here today talking about myself and my craziness. Thank you Justyn for asking me over. If you regret it don't tell me, I am sorta sensitive...NOT!

What a great way to start a Monday, huh?

Friday, April 20, 2012

And the point is this...

This week I received a card in the mail from my Smuppie, Jes. This cracked me up big time. I love when someone makes the effort to be a friend and keep in touch

This card is a reflection of a post I did a few weeks back titled the No Thong Zone. If you didn't read it or are a new follower (click here), then I want you to come back here and take a look at this.......... 

This is exactly why I eliminated thongs from my life. Her crack has to be plaque free now and with the fishnet body suit, I think they caught the Wicked Tuna. Now I leave you with this image for the weekend and will have a wonderfully well written hopefully hilarious post on Monday! 

Have a great weekend!

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Hot Tamale ..A Sweet Southern Mess

It's another Hot Tamale Thursday! I am loving this series. This week I have the adorable Anna from A Sweet Southern Mess. Anna is my adopted kid. Actually, I know how old she is so she could probably be my real kid as old as I am. She is delightful. I remember reading her blog for the first time thinking how sweet and wise she was for such a young age. This girl will go places, I don't doubt it for a second. I hope she never doubts herself because I think she's awesome and you will too. I remember telling her to blog for herself and no one else and her blog is growing. Enjoy friends and show Anna some love won'tcha?

Well hello to all of Dusty's lovely readers! My name is Anna and I am so very thankful for Dusty having me here today for my a guest post!! I blog about life and all of its happenings and findings at A Sweet Southern Mess so stop on by for all of the sweetness and sweet mess!

Here are a few things about me, myself, and the life behind the blog!

1. I am an Elementary Education major for a K-6 license! I am absolutely in love with teaching and cannot wait to have my own classroom soon! I have a 1.5 semesters of classes and student teaching left along with 5 praxis and an exit exam so wish me luck!

2. There is someone in my life that you will read about all the time. He is the love of my life, my boyfriend of the past 2 and a half years, and my best friend! His name is Kyle and he is such a wonderful person. I am truly blessed to have him in my life and I can’t wait to spend forever with him.

3. No matter what, I am ALWAYS thinking about food! It has to be a big problem eventually but it’s not right now. Thank you high metabolism! I love trying new foods, cooking, and baking!

4. I also love to make things. I have a Pinterest but that is not where I get all of my inspiration from. I love to craft, paint, and sew…even though I’m not very good at it! There is just something about being crafty and making such amazing products that sends me into a fit of happiness! Follow me if you wish!

5. I am a Catholic convert and I absolutely love everything about being Catholic. I try my hardest to be a good Catholic and pray even harder. God is my everything and I do everything through him and with his guidance.

6. I love all animals. Especially the baby ones! They are all so precious! I wish that I could have my own zoo! (A little extreme I know)

7. I have a pet turtle named Sparky Budroe McGuire. I made a video of him! :) Yes, he has Kyle's last name. It just fit better than mine. I've had him for well over a year and love him dearly! He was the size of a half dollar when I got him and now he is bigger than a Whopper from Burger King!

8. I have an obsession with organizing and cleaning. I cannot function in my room without it being cleaned and organized in a certain way. Problematic at some crucial times, yes, but at least I'm not the exact opposite and a huge slob!

9. I love being from Tennessee and all that being southern entails! Camo, sweet tea, fried foods, fishing/hunting, and bless your heart! It's all me and I wouldn't have it any other way!

10. I was a cheerleader for 5 years and a gymnast for 7 years. I loved every second of it. I wish I could still cheer now but I had a bad injury and all that is over now. Just so you know, ripping your hamstring is the worst pain anyone can ever go through.

11. I absolutely love to blog! I love making new friends and sharing all of my exciting and eventful life happenings. I feel some sort of release when I blog and to see comments from my followers saying that they agree or understand is so thrilling to me. I went through a phase where it was hard for me to be accepted and I hated it. I started blogging and realized that there were more people in this world than the ones that will bring me down.

12. Speaking of, I will blog about very profound things occasionally. I love to share quotes, theories on life, and what I'm feeling. I am only 22 but I have had a life full of experiences. I want to make a difference in the world and I don't want a single soul to experience the heartache that I have in the recent past.

13. I love to cook. Did I mention that already? Oh my gosh I love to cook! Partially because I love to eat but I also love to cook for others! Kyle loves it too, of course.

14. My TV is always on The Weather Channel, Disney Channel, or ABC Family. I'm a girl of variety I know.

Contact me any way you desire!

See isn't she awesome? Umm, yes I thought so. Click her link above or over in the side bar and take a peak. Thank you Anna for sharing your story and best wishes on everything you dream! I love ya!

There's more Hot Tamale's to come. I have some great posts coming up in the next week, so stick around. You don't want to miss them and if you would like to take part in the series just send me an email.

Happy Thursday,

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Color Block This

Ok, so Wednesday's are normally my fashion, beauty and everything girly days. I am a magazine addict. I am obsessed with Hunter boots.. Addict and Obsession, I am justifying a difference (work with me). So, Since January I have bought a ton of mags usually on Sunday when I go to the place I loathe, the grocery, I pick up a new one. I actually had to cut back on my consumption because I felt guilty for all the paper and the poor trees. But I do my part, I pass them along to someone else to throw away so I don't feel so bad. Continuing on... None of the magazines have been worth a flip in my opinion. But I have a pretty classic style. I don't venture outside my box too often. I am a belle and its hard for me to pair stripes and polka dots together, but I am working on it. 

One of the trends I seem to have a slight problem with is color blocking. When I first heard it I thought of the wooden blocks my kid used to play with as a baby and that I threw away promptly after stepping on them repeatedly (those bitches hurt). Hmmm, that maybe why he has problems spelling and gosh, terrible again, I didn't recycle wood.

I am not a neon kind of girl. Although Shannon sent me a pic of some lime green Hunters yesterday, ummm love! But purple and orange together, pink and orange, red and yellow. It just seems like I should be doing an exercise on color association in a psychiatrists office to see if I need to be committed. I am not saying I don't like it. I am just saying that I am not sure I could pull it off, but I am digging some things. So here it is...

these shoes could seriously change my mind on the trend
I dig them...alot

I would be more apt to do this and am seriously thinking about it
for a party I have to go to this weekend
note to self, spray tan
and chop off her legs and glue to my body

I like this but I fear of looking like a Christmas tree package
just add a bow

this is the one area I totally love the color blocking idea
a mix matched bikini
what a bod, i hope her face is ugly

So, what do you think of the trend? I know, I am a little behind on this topic. Every fashion blog from here to France has posted about it, but I am too busy being funny people. 

All images are found on my Pinterest. I hope you "blocked" out a little time to give me your thoughts. I would love some inspiration from my friends.
Color me bad!

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

So its sorta wrong?

I didn't have a chance to do an Easta post- I love Yankee talk. So I thought I would share a few memories and ask your opinion. 

First, we had a great time. No liquor this Easta. We chilled and had a laid back kind of day except, the kids of course hunted eggs and then we let them pelt each other with water balloons. I mean seriously what is more loving then bombarding your cousin in the face with a water balloon?

This is how we roll
My kid standing over a sprinkler letting water shoot up his butt
We call this redneck bidet 

So if you follow me on Instagram (@dustydalley), you know I baked a strawberry cake.

This is my sweet Libby Lou. She's a yellow lab. She is two years old. Isn't she precious?

So, I went to the bathroom to wipe my kids butt, and I find the little beauty above on the counter apparently having dessert. I, of course, went bananas and was almost in tears because it was 9 pm no way to make another cake. I decided to...

Cut out where she ate the top of it, frost it and that's right I took it to the family Easta lunch and served it up. Hey, they say a dog's mouth is cleaner than a humans. A little dog lip never hurt nobody right? Or is this really wrong? Oh, come on, it was delish!

Happy Tuesday!
PS...they totally ate it!

Monday, April 16, 2012

Sister Wives

So last week I told you I had a post in my que for a while about the Sister Wives. I got to thinking about it and went in and edited a few things after a little research and decided I would let it rip. 

Late one night I came across the reality show, The Sister Wives. I have heard all the hoopla but never watched an episode and being that it was late and delusional from the lack of sleep, I watched this non pulitzer prize winning piece of crap and then thought about it for the rest of the day which ticked me off even more.

As a woman who lives with two of the male species would want to share one man I would have no clue. I walked into the bathroom the other day, my "Duh" is setting on the toilet naked reading a Hot Rod magazine with the fan on. I promptly closed the door, walked down the hall, stopped and thought, that's right that man setting in there in the thinker position is all mine and I high fived myself! 

Now I don't think of myself as being a rocket scientist, but where do these women think that sharing one man has its benefits? Do you think they draw straws to see who gets to play naked Twister on Tuesday? My phone sends me reminders on my calendar when its someone's birthday or appointments that are arranged for that day. Does wife #2 wake up and see that her phone says, I get to feel the love today from man ho and she walks around the house all day singing the bonk chicka wow wow song in her head and fake spanking the air?

How does it not creep them out that he sticks his wing ding in four women on separate days of the week? And where do they think that he's so hot snot that he deserves this? There ain't no man got a dong of gold to warrant four wives. Unless that mo fo is Matthew McConaughey, there should be no question that I would be P to the issed. I am just waiting for wifey's to have a knock down drag out and that would be the best girl fight in history. Do you think they gossip to each other? Like #1 says to #3, last night we went to a movie, then a romantic walk down by the lake. And #3 gets jealous and says, oh, how sweet. We went and ate at Ruth Chris Steakhouse, I dressed up as a nurse and we got it on to Kenny G's greatest hits which inturn sets up the scenario for a fifth wife..the nurse, so way to go stupid.

How do they go out to eat with all the kids? Enter a Ponderosa and say, we will take the buffet - the whole buffet. And really how do they get private time with all 16 children. I mean, we have to lie to my son and tell him that dad is helping mom with the plumbing because we thought he was outside playing and would never come in side. Talk about putting new meaning to the minute man. Oh and all that PMS, send in the troops.

So, really here is my deal and I should say this is my own opinion because I don't claim to understand why this is acceptable. But here goes. Ladies, if you haven't noticed there are A LOT of man people in this world. Like one for each of you. It means you can have him all to yourself. What a concept and have you thought that maybe his ego is bigger than is Richard (look up the nicknames to Richard if you don't get it.) I say, dump that ho dawg, take his ass to court, obtain all his money for child support and get checked for a STD. Or you could say, hey honey, tonight we are going to try something George and see how he likes it.

Happy Monday,

Friday, April 13, 2012

Had a Blast

I think this week has been one of my favorite weeks since I have been blogging. I have made so many new friends and its been so much fun getting to know y'all. I usually waste my whole weekend reading all my bloggy friends, so I can't wait to catch up. If you want to continue the ride don't forget you can follow me through the little connectors. 

And if you would like to be in the Asian Irish Redneck club 2012 join us on Twitter. We talk about random crap that makes no sense but it sure is entertaining, right Shannon and Jes who brought her BFF Kelsey along from Georgia who I have talked with this week by email.

I am certainly enjoying my Hot Tamale series. Thank you to Jes and Shay! I love you both bunches. If you would like to join the Hot Tamales just send me an email or I might ask you anyway. I truly want everyone to see how wonderful everyone is. 

Cross my heart this has been amazing. I remember when I did my first button swap with my sweet Ruthie, who is getting my spare room ready in her new house and the friendship with the beautiful MaKaila, she rocks and Twiggy who brought the brave and strong, Kristie who I read for inspiration. Jena and Lauren Rebecca who have the cutest little girls. Justine who just had her first anniversary. Emmette who rocks the boho fashion I love so much. Anna my adopted kid. The two Danielle's from one coast to another. My newest friend, a girl name Justyn, we can relate. Miki and Jenn who have the most adorable bulldogs. Erica who is going to have her first little one and my newest rock star, Ronida. You can click their buttons or links to the side and find out how wonderful they are along with the rest of my friends. 

Love all my followers and I should name you all you deserve it so much. You all deserve to be mentioned and at some point I promise you will. I always give back or at least do my best to read and comment on your blogs. 

This blog is really a diary for my son. So he can look back and see his mom at her worst. So all of your comments show him that his mommy was loved from all over the place. I love you! I love you! I love you!

If the Pope was present I would do the electric slide with him in celebration! Wouldn't that be hilarious, me spankin' the Pope's ass! I am sorta Catholic remember.

Have  a great weekend!

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Hot Tamale ..Red Lipstick & Melodies

So last week, I stated that I would forgo my Two Cents Thursdays to have the It List. Well, I renamed it Hot Tamale. Cause Tamale's are hot and these chicks need featuring. This week is a tah-reat! Shay from Red Lipstick & Melodies, is a close bloggy friend by that I mean she lives far away, but we reach out and touch each other via text, email and soon Skype with her BFF, Sticks n Stuff. She is Shays best friend and it took her a while to share. She's not good with sharing, but just tell her you are going to take her on a long hike to Mount Saint Helen's and your in like flynn. Shay is a hoot but refuses to do Twitter (help me convince her)! And she also writes these amazing posts about life and actually got me to be speechless for the first time not too long ago (like yesterday). I love her bunches. Show her some love (no birds). She's a loyal follower and you must watch her vlogs. Her facial expressions are the best. 

So, once upon a long, long, time ago.. in February of 2012 (don't I sound like an idiot) I met Dusty.  I seriously have no idea who clicked on whose blog first, I wanna say me, because I am such a good blog stalker.  Like award winning style, I find the best.  So if you're the best, and I haven't found you yet.. then come find me dammit, I can't do it all.. I'm here.  I love Dusty.  She makes me laugh horribly inappropriately, while at work.  The only thing I totally dread about her blog is when I get down to comment, I can't remember what she wrote that was the most hilarious, so I have to scroll back up and laugh really hard at "work.."  all over again, just so I can tell her  what had me rolling, and it's always a horribly over the top comment that I'll end up leaving,  like a saga of a paragraph, but she is just that funny, but y'all know this.  
I share her with my favorite bloggers, I send them her way. I do.
Dusty, my texting, emailing, blogging friend.. signed me up for a Thursday post.  I love Thursdays, but I used to love them a whole heck of a lot more when Friends was on.  I don't want to talk about it, too emotional about it. Still. I love not being able to move on, it makes me feel stable.  I told her she had to give me a subject.  I was straight up throwin a fit over it.  A one worded subject.
I totally live in Utah.  With all the other 80 billion fashion, wife, cooking, sewing, diyourselfers, mommy bloggers.  However, I fall under ZILCH of those categories, okay, blogger.  But I am going to give myself a break.
I lived in Pennsylvania, you know that state no one really ever goes to, when I started my blahwg.  I had every intention of making this post about Utah.  The state full of boob jobs & ratted hair & polygamists.   I was going to brave Wal Mart (I live in Southern Utah) and bring my camera and go Polyg hunting. (tons of polygs in Southern Utah)  Take some pictures for y'all.. but it's not hunting season until June, that is when my best friend is visiting Utah for the first time, and we're doing it then.  So stick with me until June and you'll get some really awesome photos.  Fingers Crossed, they kick us out.  Is that possible, can you get kicked out of Wal Mart? I doubt it.  Dusty & Jeszilla.. one day we're gonna put this to the test, and we will not bring our ID's that day.
I then decided to blog about what I hate most about Utah.
Ugly babies.
Things like that, and then today I thought of how much I hate my roommates inability to have normal decorating skills, and I know I could just blawhg about those idiots until the end of time, and never run out of material, so I'm bringing it to you today.  So a post about Utah, is really about to turn into a post about my idiotic roommates crap & that one time I broke something of theirs while doing this post.
Around Christmas I started to notice an accumulation of soda cans in my kitchen. (P.S. In Utah they call Soda- "Pop", what a bunch of lunatics)  I just figured they forgot how to throw crap away, and wanted to become diabetic at a rapid pace.. rather one day a glue gun came out, Christmas lights, and a Christmas tree from hell was created.  To say I died would be an understatement. 
(notice how this one had lights)
And then, this one time, like 49 minutes ago, I attempted to take a photo of the Mt. Dew tree that ruined Christmas for the entire state of Utah, and I set it on the floor, and the thing fell apart.  I had a freaking heart attack.  Because those humans that pay me to live in this house, could come home ANY second. 
However, I knew for certain I was having a moment, so I took more pictures. 
I set it down, walked away, and felt so good about it.
I'm also 27.
In case you were wondering how old I am at this point. 
Then I went into one of the bathrooms.
I found this smoothie, almost instantly, that had a weird film on it.. and I started gagging, but not so much that I didn't capture a photo. 
Listen, I'm not a dictator about keeping the house clean, but a smoothie, that is decayed and aged?
Notice me, in that hot mess of clothes.   I'm clearly not perfect, in case you thought I was so far. 
Yep, this belongs to one of them.
Utah, it's got some defectiveness for sure. 
Like my yellow skin.
Just another reason why I hated Christmas this year. 
I ventured into Sarai's (like psoriasis) room.
And I immediately lost my appetite.
Cats are my arch nemesis, and so are my roommates, I should have known she had this, I should have known.  Shame on me for not checking in on my enemies.
And I should have known that she would have her grandfathers Christmas robe.
I don't know why this murdered me in my place, it just did. 
And if you follow my blog, you'll remember my long running, unhealthy feud with my other roommates horrific dolphin shower curtain, it's all over my blahwg, dig, you'll find it.  You didn't know she had this though.  It was hard enough to just take the picture.  It rests above her toilet.  That place that she sits, with running bathtub water.. every single time.  And I make sure to pee as loudly as I can from across the hall just to freak her out, like I really need to invest in a megaphone.
(once I made it my fb status, my roommate with the running water, and she stopped for a minute, but she's back to her old anal, paranoid, possibly has a serious eating disorder self)  I can't save her though.  I think I would be sick if I had to look at that bathroom too.
And the shrine to the dolphin towel.
A single candle.
5 leaping dolphins.
Do you guys understand why it wounds me?
I didn't even go into two bedrooms, this could go on forever.
So basically what you learned about Utah is this.
Shay, that blogger from Red Lipstick & Melodies.. is from Utah, that place that calls soda, pop.. and she has horribly inappropriate roommates, poor girl, and oh yeah, I have to follow her until June so I can see when she goes polyg hunting.
in case you wanted to know what I sound like, and how I react to horrible candy.
Wanna send me candy?
I'll let you.
And I won't yell at you via a vlog, like I did her.

Did you see it, the facial expressions. The best. I love you Shay! Thanks for honoring us with your presence.
Have a great Thursday,

PS..If anyone wants to button swap or be a Hot Tamale send me an email. Would love to have you.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Your Roots

I love when someone tells a blonde joke. I usually let them go on and on and smile graciously while the bubble above my head says, "you really are a moron, I am not a natural blonde." I don't know any blond who thinks those jokes are funny. I love being blonde and have been any version of the color for about 15 or so years. I am hair person. It's the one thing in my life I have total control over except for most days it does what the hell it wants. I even had the mishap of being platinum blonde in which I promptly came home washed my hair in baking soda and clarifing shampoo and my hair turned into hay. I was afraid to go outside for fear a bird might start screaming, "Home!"

I have highlights and lowlights in my hair and naturally my hair is dark brown, well ass brown is what I call it. You don't want me to describe that do ya? Didn't think so. Lately, I have been contemplating going back to my roots. But I don't know that I can completely do it. I have attempted once and then after about two weeks, went in for highlights.

I think its just the fact that these women are hot snot and I keep thinking I will magically turn into something sophisticated. But who am I kidding. I still probably wouldn't get up in the morning and style my hair any different even if I was a brown cow. But it does cross my mind maybe once a month when my roots are about an inch and half long and I am pretty sure I see a grey one in which I tell myself its just extra light.

I think this is so cool, but it would drive me nuts being lighter at the bottom. It's like the 
Victoria Beckham bob. It looked like 
Edward Scissorhands just went to town.

Very lady like and simple
I wonder if she cusses
I wouldn't be able to cuss and pull it off if my hair was that perfect

This chick is sexier than boots on a duck
And I was totally obsessed with her lipstick
I searched the internet for days trying to find the color (never did)
Pinky Swear

Of course I shouldn't really be posting this, my stylist would be taking a pay cut which now that I think of it, is probably why she tells me every single time I look fab! Damn she's good.

So do you ever think about your roots and going back to what your moma and daddy gave ya?

Happy Wednesday

Tuesday, April 10, 2012


Do you ever wonder if your blog should come with a disclaimer? I read a lot of blogs. I see that there are some that have 5,000 followers and the more I follow along, it’s the same content, but yet its cult like and the blog keeps growing and so I try my best to figure out why following these blogs are growing, does my comment really matter? Don’t get me wrong, I love blogs that feature fashion only, or mommy blogs where every single day I see your kids. Yesterday they were precious, today same pose with a kool aid mustache and a booger. Adorable, but you can only comment eighty eleven times on how cute they are before you go, “hey, you bakin’ some cookies or something with a recipe?"

What draws a person to a blog? I follow some blogs that are in a total different language. Sometimes I hit the button and translate them, and then sometimes I just pretend I can read it for shits and giggles. I can’t speak Portuguese (I had to even check how to spell it), but hot dang they sure have some beautiful skinny ass girls, with cool style. And then I wonder, do they work or just set around all day looking fabulous, standing on cobblestone streets having someone take their picture. But being the sucker I am and one third un-American for pretending to read foreign blogs, I sign up because one day I should probably get a style idea or two. Somedays, I just superimpose my face on their face. You know in my dreams?

For a month in my que I have a post about the show “Sister Wives”. I have been hesitant because I don’t know if any of my blogger friends have family members that live this lifestyle, have friends that are friends with that families dog’s former roommate. So, you stand on a fine line wondering who you might offend or get an ugly comment from with the content of your blog. And let me just throw this out there because you may just someday see that post. Ain’t no man got a golden dong to warrant five wives.  I mean in potato chip land that's called double dipping. And I totally expect that someday, we gonna see a cat fight worthy of a Lifetime movie mystery because wifey poo #3  is gonna snap when he brings in little Miss 19 year old with perky tits and breeding thighs to put a turkey to shame. Just sayin’… and now that I said it, do I need to add a disclaimer?

I want my blog to grow. I would love 5000 followers, and I set down and wonder why some blogs grow at a rapid pace and then I feel like I am at turtle speed. I guess I should apologize for not publishing my kid’s every move, or posting my financial hardships to gain sponsorship, not being team player when it comes to my personal fashion posts because I am still a little insecure about posting my own taste in clothing, cussing, or maybe just not being serious enough. So, if you want a disclaimer, here it is.

Warning: This blog is not for the ordinarily prim or proper. It contains explicit material that will make you crap your pants from laughter or cause you to have dry mouth syndrome from dropping open. The Owner if this blog takes no responsibility for the faint of heart or how serious daily life is as she’s fit. She makes no apologies for her opinion, wardrobe or serious family issues and hopes that continued followers spread the love like a CEO to a hooker on pay day.