Monday, January 14, 2013

It's All Crap If You Ask Me

S.O.S! That's right save our ship. It has rained here for almost 4 days straight. I thought I might need to run out to the "outdoor building" (uppity in the South for shed) and get a float of some magnitude in case I needed to rescue myself. Either way it provided a good excuse to not do jack crap. The Kid has been sick with the flu for a week and I am fairly certain that it's trying to invade my body somehow. I don't have any symptoms but I could be almost one percent certain it is plotting and scheming with those mucus monsters from the Mucinex commercials.

Any hoot, when I have time on my hands I ponder as you should know by now. If not well, your not missing much just useless knowledge that someday could help a man on fire. Why a man on fire? Well, they tell you to drop and roll when you catch a blaze and if that happens and you can remember any of my ridiculous posts then you will fall to the ground laughing. Holy crapola. I just now became a freaking hero. I knew this blog was good for something.

Here my twat waffles, is what I am pondering as of late. I am doing a weight loss challenge. Counting calories, exercising and trying my best to be diligent because Operation Bikini is just a mere months away. With this plight, I keep thinking to myself that shaving my legs has to count for something. So, I am giving myself minus a pound off for doing such activity. It's exercise if you ask me and I think all the added fur could be hindering my leg lifting ability. I mean those bicycle dudes that go all the way to some foreign country and trek up mountains are hairless. There has to be some truth to it. By the way, how do they get there bikes over their? That doesn't count as a carry on.

I keep reading in all these smut magazines, you know In Style and People etc, that people pay big bucks to get a blow out. Don't these rich chicks do their own hair? I blow out my hair every other day. I own a blow dryer. That's right and a round brush and have they not noticed that You Tube probably has a gazillion tutorials on the perfect blow out? Why is it that a salon is better to do your hair? Do their blow driers have magic powers with insta lift? I could use the $100 smacks to buy something else like the BOGO sale at Payless. I predict the blow out only last about the same amount of time as a shampoo set with an 80 year old woman who's hair is made of wire and flammable. I don't honestly get it. Who Does that?  

I keep hearing about clean eating. What does that mean? You are eating clean. What? Did you spray windex on it? I would hope my food is clean. I don't eat it out of a trash can. I don't marinate it in dirt and most times abide by the 5 second rule. So, unless you people do a wax on wax off method, all food is clean in my book.

And finally, last season all the rage was this Oxblood color. I personally see it as the 80 and 90's version of Aigner. You guys remember Aigner? I had an Aigner handbag in 1990. My aunt had the whole kit and kaboodle - coat, boots, handbag. But now its Oxblood. Well, gross. Even down to the lipstick. I didn't dig it. Imagine someone coming up and saying, "oh, what a lovely color, what is it?" Oxblood. Oh, yummy. Your wearing something that is  being referred to as an animal's DNA. What ever happened to its dark fushia or mauve? I looked and I seriously did not see Oxblood in the Kid's 64 count crayon set. Seriously, what's next toenail yellow? I degress.

Well, happy Monday my little pretties. Let's make it a good one. 


Dusty

26 comments:

  1. Happy Monday, Pretty Lady. I did a blow out this morning, and I'm with ya on that one! And....thanks for giving me something awesome to think about today, from colors, to twat waffles and clean eating......loved this :) Have a fab monday!

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  2. Happy Monday to you lady! This just made me lol! I never blow dry my hair. Therefore it is usually a mess. and i def will never pay someone to do it!

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  3. I am totally in bikini mode too! Gotta work off all these drankin' calories I've been packing on lately. I wish I could have seen you while I was in Nash over the weekend...however I kept myself in quite a "state" so our love fest will have to wait until next time! XOXO

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  4. i just call it maroon?! and i need to start getting my butt in gear for eating healthy and working out. maybe one of these days i will. maybe.

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  5. Please don't spray Windex on your food - I would hate for you to get sick. ;)

    Happy Monday! Love ya!

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  6. My aunt gets her hair blower out once or twice a week. That was she can keep working (via blackberry) Instead of wasting time on her hair.

    I like when a pro does my hair for me, somehow it always turns out nice with lots of volume as opposed to what I have now!!

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  7. Happy Monday my dear dear friend. I feel the same about clean eating...here's a thought if you want to lose weight just eat less of what you already eat lol.

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  8. I have a confession. I rarely, if ever at all, wash fruit before I eat it. Because I just don't think that it will hurt me.
    the people doing the clean eating would probably have a BF.

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  9. I have a confession. I never go to the hair salon. I make my dad cut my hair. I would so much rather spend my money on things like the BOGO sale. And toenail yellow, hahah, we heard it here first! That's going to be the hot summer color!

    xo, Yi-chia

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  10. Thank you for a great start to my Monday morning. (:

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  11. Eating clean? Nope, I like it dirty. ;) And you do too. Hope Ian is feeling better. Poor baby, son-in-law. Give him a squeeze from Momma to be. And take some Vitamin C, will ya???

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  12. Oh toenail yellow. Dear lord.

    Thank you for the return of twat-waffle!

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  13. Your posts will never get old! "Did you spray windex on it?" haha I actually laughed out loud. And I say Holy Crapola all. the. time. We're meant to be friends!

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  14. "Did you spray windex on it??" I'm so going to use that one on my mother! Lol She is the QUEEN BEE of clean, plant based eating. **Roll my eyes** ;)

    hope ian is on the mend and you don't get it!!

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  15. Isn't it just maroon?
    I hope Ian is better soon.

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  16. Oh, I missed the twat waffle!! Thank you for that lovely! Oh, and please, hell NO to toenail yellow. I'm gagging over here...

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  17. Bikes get shipped over in boxes, and then they're put together by mechanics when they get there. I'm almost ashamed of myself for knowing this, but no, not really.

    Maybe that's why us women shave though... to feel less heavy. I chopped my hair off, and instantly lost 2 pounds. I'm afraid to let it grow back, simply because of the imminent weight gain.

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  18. I am SO over this rain! I'm an ex-hairstylist and I do not see what woman would pay $100+ for a blow out! Wasted money if you ask me! Stop, Drop, and Roll with it! :)

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  19. I hate doing my hair... I mean I blow dry it myself. As in I blow dry my hair upside down and then flip it over. I'm too lazy to do the whole round brush, blow dry thing... my arms get tired. BUT I also refuse to pay for a blow out... that's just dumb.

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  20. I think what I'm doing qualifies as clean eating. I'm not sure. I just want cheese.

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  21. i'm supposed to be in bikini mode. but really i'm just on come home from work and drink wine mode. that must count in some other country.

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  22. i picked an ireland/england honeymoon because it wouldn't require swimsuit shopping. then i remembered my wedding dress is strapless and as such, my freaking wobbly arms make me look like a linebacker. diet + exercise = cranky/hungry melissa.

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  23. Haha I'm assuming someone explained clean eating, but I like eating clean ;) I do think my hair looks better when someone blows it out, but I only get that when it comes free with my haircut!

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  24. All these diets are killing me. Killing me. I feel like I'm the dirtiest eater, ever.

    And for the record, if someone is sick I am positive I am getting it. #mentalillness.

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  25. Happy Monday Dusty! I've missed you and your random pondering! Muah! XO!

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