It's All Crap If You Ask Me

S.O.S! That's right save our ship. It has rained here for almost 4 days straight. I thought I might need to run out to the "outdoor building" (uppity in the South for shed) and get a float of some magnitude in case I needed to rescue myself. Either way it provided a good excuse to not do jack crap. The Kid has been sick with the flu for a week and I am fairly certain that it's trying to invade my body somehow. I don't have any symptoms but I could be almost one percent certain it is plotting and scheming with those mucus monsters from the Mucinex commercials.

Any hoot, when I have time on my hands I ponder as you should know by now. If not well, your not missing much just useless knowledge that someday could help a man on fire. Why a man on fire? Well, they tell you to drop and roll when you catch a blaze and if that happens and you can remember any of my ridiculous posts then you will fall to the ground laughing. Holy crapola. I just now became a freaking hero. I knew this blog was good for something.

Here my twat waffles, is what I am pondering as of late. I am doing a weight loss challenge. Counting calories, exercising and trying my best to be diligent because Operation Bikini is just a mere months away. With this plight, I keep thinking to myself that shaving my legs has to count for something. So, I am giving myself minus a pound off for doing such activity. It's exercise if you ask me and I think all the added fur could be hindering my leg lifting ability. I mean those bicycle dudes that go all the way to some foreign country and trek up mountains are hairless. There has to be some truth to it. By the way, how do they get there bikes over their? That doesn't count as a carry on.

I keep reading in all these smut magazines, you know In Style and People etc, that people pay big bucks to get a blow out. Don't these rich chicks do their own hair? I blow out my hair every other day. I own a blow dryer. That's right and a round brush and have they not noticed that You Tube probably has a gazillion tutorials on the perfect blow out? Why is it that a salon is better to do your hair? Do their blow driers have magic powers with insta lift? I could use the $100 smacks to buy something else like the BOGO sale at Payless. I predict the blow out only last about the same amount of time as a shampoo set with an 80 year old woman who's hair is made of wire and flammable. I don't honestly get it. Who Does that?  

I keep hearing about clean eating. What does that mean? You are eating clean. What? Did you spray windex on it? I would hope my food is clean. I don't eat it out of a trash can. I don't marinate it in dirt and most times abide by the 5 second rule. So, unless you people do a wax on wax off method, all food is clean in my book.

And finally, last season all the rage was this Oxblood color. I personally see it as the 80 and 90's version of Aigner. You guys remember Aigner? I had an Aigner handbag in 1990. My aunt had the whole kit and kaboodle - coat, boots, handbag. But now its Oxblood. Well, gross. Even down to the lipstick. I didn't dig it. Imagine someone coming up and saying, "oh, what a lovely color, what is it?" Oxblood. Oh, yummy. Your wearing something that is  being referred to as an animal's DNA. What ever happened to its dark fushia or mauve? I looked and I seriously did not see Oxblood in the Kid's 64 count crayon set. Seriously, what's next toenail yellow? I degress.

Well, happy Monday my little pretties. Let's make it a good one. 

Dusty