Facebook
Status after I about died twice working out.."After completing 120 jumping jacks, I now feel like an Olympic athlete." I proclaim, I really didn't die twice. Boom!
Status on a Friday when I wished it was like Friday afternoon, "Someday's all I want to do is reenact the prom dance scene from the movie Footloose." I proclaim, Aerial, the preachers daughter was a real slut. Boom!
Twitter
Tweets of the week, "OMG! You know what would be so cool to see? Taylor Swift with a tan!" I proclaim, white girl problems! Boom!
"OMG! You know what would be so cool to see? Angelina Jolie with a tan!" I proclaim, see above! Boom! Boom!
"Have you ever gotten a cramp in your chin? Me neither." I proclaim, I was bored. Boom!
Around Blogland
I love honeymoon pictures. Seeing you on a beach with a fruity drink, tan, kissing your new husband. I proclaim, You neglected your birth control, in 9 months your going to be a new mommy and your Michael Kors watch will become a teething tool. Boom!
I love reading your wedding in 12 different parts. It's not like I need to go slop the hogs or anything. And all we really want to see is what your dress looked like and who got drunk and made an ass of themselves. But nooo! You never tell that part do you? It takes you twelve posts of breaking it all down for us. Like graduation night and reading every kid's name to receive their diploma. Maybe I need a pie and organizational chart to understand. I proclaim, Just get to the good part, the reception. Ain't nobody got time for that other shit. Boom!
The Alley way
My dog Libby and I have both been on our periods. There's only room for one bitch in this household and that's me. I proclaim, I win because the other bitch is wearing a diaper! Boom!
Thursday's out, Boom!
Dusty
Oh, Dusty. Once again, when will I learn not to sip my hot coffee while reading your posts... "Because the other bitch is wearing a diaper." Just too much!
ReplyDeleteHugs!
Kara
OMG. I love you, and this just made my day. I don't have a favorite part because I loved the whole thing. I proclaimed. Boom!
ReplyDeletexx
soooo agree about the wedding posts...enough can't you do it in 3? i might have died after some jumping jacks myself.
ReplyDeleteomg could not agree more about T Swift... she needs a tan and a golden corral bufett!
ReplyDeleteOk then shoot me now if its me on wedding posts. Of course i'm not married yet but this wedding planning is consuming me. And just for the record its also MY week to be on lovely period. I knew we were connected! LOL. BOOM! love ya
ReplyDeleteYou are too funny! "Ain't nobody got time for that other shit!" Boom! I concur. LOL
ReplyDeleteThat's exactly why I'll never own a female dog...two bitches on their period...oh hell to the no! Boom! LOL
hahahahaha
ReplyDelete12 part wedding break down, ain't it the truth.
ReplyDeleteHAHAHA! You are seriously the best, I love you. :)
ReplyDeleteBOOM.
ReplyDeleteHow about the wedding posts when the wedding happened a year or two ago... We get it... you're married and had a beautiful wedding.. enough already.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, the wedding posts KILL ME! The ceremony lasted no more than 10 minutes and I'm going to guess you both said I do. The end. LOOK AT THAT...all wrapped into two little sentences. Now, the reception...
ReplyDeleteI have had too many to count scramps in my chin! It's a bitch! Yes, I said scramps! Shitty Cramps! ha!
ReplyDeleteI love the humor in your posts :)
ReplyDeleteToday, my (new) spin instructor started 5 minutes late and stopped us 15 minutes early. I was livid but...I composed myself and while we were half ass stretching I asked "can we stay extra if we want, you know if wanted an extra workout, is there a class after?"....I got the dirtiest f*cking look ever. And there I was wanting to call her a twat waffle but I couldn't think of one Dustyism. Nothing. My mind was blank. BLANK. My 83 year old grandmother was speaking to me "be polite Kelsey, and put your bike away" WTF is wrong with me?! Then I remembered that quote from Legally Blonde "I just don't think that Brooke could've done this. Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't shoot their husbands, they just don't." Endorphins have taken my f-bombs away Dusty, what now? That skinny 90lb instructor doesn't understand I have 15lbs to loose and she isn't helping!
ReplyDeleteThat just ain't right d!! ;).
ReplyDeleteDogs wearing diapers is always an awesome image. I'm joining the Dusty Nation. Yesterday.
ReplyDeleteI proclaim that you are f'n hilarious and I love you! Boom!
ReplyDeleteLove this post! Haha. I SO agree with the wedding posts! Just get to the good stuff :)
ReplyDeleteHaha, those poor wedding posts. I don't think I even have enough pictures for more than 1 wedding post. Maybe I got ripped off by my photographer...?!
ReplyDeletexo, Yi-chia
Love the post and mostly just LOVE your blog title so cute!
ReplyDeleteXO
Would you like to follow each other?
ReplyDeleteLet me know and we can totally get to it :D
http://lizziapple.blogspot.com/
I will personally send you drunk text in my dress if you want!! ;)
ReplyDeleteI'd die after 120 JJs
You had a busy week.
ReplyDeleteI really need to be working out and instead, I'm bullshitting online.
Wanna know why wedding posts piss me off? Because my photographer SUCKED and I get jealous of all the artsy fartsy ones that the other girls got. ;) I miss you, sugar plum. Everything okay?
ReplyDeleteThe DIY wedding posts that break down how every centre piece was made - snore.
ReplyDeleteI think I did three wedding posts. Don't hate me. ;)
I LOVE Honeymoon pictures. I like to live vicariously through them. I don't want to see T.Swift with a tan...I think she will look dirty. Haha
ReplyDelete