Have you ever just felt like a dump, frump, slum, glum, and anything else you can think of that makes you feel blah. That's how I have felt the last two months really. You all know I went to the doctor because I broke out in hives. Well, I now get to go see an allergist. High five myself. The other reason I went to the doctor was because I haven't felt worth a shitballs. Really, I have no drive to do much of anything except hole up in my house. I mean its not really that I don't do anything, I have a child who keeps me busy, but I feel invisible otherwise.
I was telling the doctor that I have been working out and haven't lost a pound. Zilch. I am not over weight, but I am so out of shape and I have noticed that things are moving to the midsection. Me not likey. I can wear a muffin top proudly but when I start looking like a busted can of biscuits then I start feeling like an puff a lump. I feel bad. My insecurities take over and I don't feel good about myself.
I talked to the doctor and I felt like she didn't offer me any advice. I mean my co-pay is $25 smacks and the insurance probably paid her $250 and all she could say is, "well, you know how long it took me to lose weight? Six months and that was walking a treadmill every single day." At that moment, I wanted to jab her in the throat. But that would not have been the right thing to do considering she's a one woman operation and there would be no one there to treat her wind pipe injury. But fantasizing is a great learning skill.
So, she explained to me about the metabolism and eating every so many hours to keep it burning but I just feel like I am eating all day and I hate it. The only thing I want to eat all day is kettle chips. But apparently that's frowned upon in this establishment of the weight loss world. I bought some new DVD's and am fairly certain that Shaun T might be ready to fly right out into the world of free love which is fine with me but I want to see results. My operation bikini has went down hill and I now have enough of a collection of workout videos to make me at least be Jillian Michaels' long lost cousin. Maybe I should try her videos, but then again I want to live to see 42 as bad as that number sounds.
So, what's a girl to do? How do I feel better about myself? How do I just accept that its just a funk and I will snap out of it? What do you do when you get like this? I mean for me its hard. I am the advice giver. I am the mother hen. I am the one who speaks the truth and give people the reality and yet, I feel like I have had no one to give me back what I need. I am not usually the blah blah girl, but it really makes me aware that yes, I can have the emotional and physical struggles just like anyone else. I just need a little lift. Life is like leg lifts. Some days you can do it and some days its too painful but eventually the strain goes away and you can get back to being spectacular.
Happy Tuesday. Thanks for letting me share..
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