Thursday, November 17, 2011

Two Cents Thursdays

My Thursday started off just delicious this morning. After ousting my southern roots and turning into my secret life as a Yankee (remember I am fictitiously from Hoboken), I became the girl who honked her horn for 3 seconds, used a famous finger to explain in sign language that the man in a monster beast truck was number one and topped it off with a reference to his mother, someone I don’t know. Thank gawd because I would call her up and tell her, her son about ran me off the road this morning.  A great start to my almost weekend. Please hurry up by the way.

Here is my Two Cents Thursdays that I am now sharing with you.

-I do not understand our interstate system. We have engineers that design roadways all day long, cities such as Nashville with 6 lanes. Still I manage to waste 40 minutes more of my life every day setting in this crap. I think I will write the Department of Safety with an itemized bill of how much time I am wasting setting in miles of traffic every single day due to the lack of planning on their part. Whoever thought that merging two interstates together in rush hour traffic everyday obviously need to be hit in the head with a wet squirrel.  If there was a button in my car that let me push, speed up and do a Dukes of Hazzard fly by off the exit ramp into my parking lot, I would certainly install it today.

-Kotex issues recall on tampons. Wouldn’t you hate to be the shmuck that has to hold the press conference for that. “Yes, my name is Bloody Mary and we are issuing this recall because we are having a problem with the string spring action attached to a piece of tubular cloth.” How many rednecks do you think will actually take these back to the store for a refund?

-Kat Von D issued a statement saying Jesse James cheated on her with 19 women. A major “wow” moment.  Can’t argue with stupid and you can’t fix crazy. One of these days when he gets a STD Ajax can’t get rid of, maybe these women will back away from the love machine.

-I love that my mom still gets her hair “frosted”. She is so 1980..hug her!

-I just started sewing lessons. High five!

-I secretly think it would be fun to learn all the moves from “Thriller”. (I am not a Michael Jackson fan, but I really want to do this with a group of people..Volunteers anyone?”

And finally, most that know me, know that I have this “thing” about skinny jeans on men. Please men species everywhere, refuse to wear them. Women long ago were issued the phrase “camel toe” if our jeans were too tight in the front. There is something less to be desired about seeing a man in tight skinny jeans with bullfighting going on in the front. Some animals do not co-habitate well together. They like to be free and mingle. If you put a bull and a matador together someone will lose. Every time I see this I want to burn my cornea’s out with a Cuban cigar. YUCK!

Happy Thursday, beautifuls!



  1. Haha the bullfighting metaphor was the best! Nice post :)

  2. I agree.. the bullfighting talk was awesome! The whole post was! Love this.

  3. this post cracks me up!! okay first off...kotex recall?!?! what the heck!!!!!! glad I use playtex :-). Not surprised by Jesse James...he is the D bag of the year!! And that is so awesome you are starting sewing lessons!! I took sewing my senior year of high school and wish I would have stuck with it. My new years resolution is going to be to bust out my sewing machine and re learn!

  4. HI-larious!
    And I've always referred to the male version of a camel toe as a 'moose knuckle'. Go ahead, spread it like wild fire!