Date: Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, 2011
After an endless night of cleaning, tired and ready for bed, she washes her face, applies wrinkle cream, sets to use the potty and yes, that’s right - pee on the toilet seat. Unsub #2 obviously has left a nice wet calling card for the victim, in which to disgrace and deface.
Unsub #1 – Male, 39 known as Dad aka…Chad, honey, baby daddy, provider, pool boy, handyman, jackass
Unsub #2 – Male, 6 known as Son aka…Ian, pooka bear, poo poo head, Damn it Ian
Crime as charged: Negligent Slobicide.
Mom states she works her baggetts off, comes home, cooks, cleans, tends to dogs, does laundry and is worn out. She states she lives with slobs! Two of the male species known as slobs. Let me repeat, SLOBS! The charges, if found guilty (which I am pretty sure this is a slam dunk case); perpetrators will be sentenced to no breakfast on Saturdays, full day of shopping with mom as punishment, and STRIKE.
Shut the front door you say? That’s right Strike! Keep it up and you’re going to have no cookies cooked for school functions, no dishes washed, no clean underwear, and no toilet paper to wipe your asses.
I, Dusty, do solemnly swear that all of the facts stated in the above fake affidavit are true.
Dad: Negligent Slob
Son: Negligent Slob