Tuesday, March 27, 2012

I'm No Traveling Pants

Last week if you noticed I was absent for a few days. I had promised to do a few posts on the road, but it was so hectic, I didn't get a chance. I went to Orlando, Florida for a marketing workshop with the firm I work for. The workshop ended up being fruitful, but I turned into a hot mess.

I like Florida don't get me wrong, but not a whirwind 48 hour trip. My flight was at 6 am. Really? Southwest you can't get me in sooner? So that meant I had to rise and shine at 3 am. I packed the night before, pretty much only what I was going to use which is unheard of for me. When I travel I take the kitchen sink. I think that comes with being a mom and a southern girl. You just never know. I took three outfits, shoes and travel size essentials. I could have carried on my bag, but I didn't because I was hauling around a laptop, my pretty purse and tote with marketing materials. 

Here's how the nightmare went. I got up, got ready, kissed my boys goodbye and out the door by 4:15 am. Got to the airport and because they are doing construction missed the exit. I repeatedly drove around in a circle with numerous U-turns in the mix. I felt like I was on the movie European Vacation and the kids look up and the dad says, "Look kids, Big Ben, Parliament!" I figured out how to get into the terminal and then parked in Long Term parking. Well, long term means long term at Nashville Airport apparently. See I decided that I would try to look all hot snot. I wore some trouser jeans, a cute cotton peasant top and my sweater so I didn't get chilly. Oh, and these canvas high heel espadrilles. By the time I got to check in, I had two blisters on the tops of my feet at my big toe and the skin was rubbed off the heel of my foot. This girl wished she'd carried her bag on. I was a sweatball, my feet were bleeding and I was so tired. When I got on the flight, I asked the flight attendant for some band aids in which she gave me these strips of cloth that just stuck. But at that point anything would do.

I got to Orlando, one of the girls from the Dallas office picked me up, I went to the hotel, I checked in and CHANGED MY SHOES calling them not so nice words. We headed to the workshop, then to dinner that night. I came back to the room, tried to go to sleep, but my room was facing the interstate and at 3 am a large train went by and blew the whistle. I slept all of 3 hours. I was up, so I got ready, went downstairs ate breakfast and off again to the workshop. 

Then to Orlando airport. Holy crap. The lines to check in were like Best Buy at Christmas, I had to walk all the way what seemed like forever in the C section, wait and then I was on my way home at 5 pm. Squeezed in between the man who drank three Gin and Tonics and Jebadiah who fell asleep and had the worst breath, I was almost at my whits end and my feet still hurt for the evil shoes. 

After landing in Nashville at 7 pm, I was in route home. I was so tired and jet lagged, I got on the interstate and seriously thought I was going the wrong way. Then my baby daddy called and said, "hey, we haven't ate dinner, can you stop somewhere?" I almost turned into the Hulk. But I remembered the food they served at the dinner and lunch and was glad to be back in Tennessee where fried food is the norm. I mean, sorry folks, but I don't eat chicken with green leaves between a bed of tomatoes or Orzo pasta whatever the hell that is. I did eat some bread and butter while I was there. I think it sustained my life span until I got home. Not only did the food suck, but I didn't poop for two days. I was bloated up like the Goodyear blimp. 

I walked in the door, ate my giant Wendy's hamburger, washed my face, kissed everyone, didn't unpack a thing, prayed to the poop God that he would be kind to me in the morning and went to bed. Oh, and I froze to death the whole time I was there. Who freezes in Florida? I tell ya, I felt like I was going to be admitted to the nut house when I got back. I am no traveling pants my friends, matter of fact I am not traveling for a long while. The only thing great about this was my prayers were answered the next morning, I had two days off for a long weekend and I ate everything in sight. All hail fried chicken and sweat pants folks! 

Happy Tuesday,


  1. That does not sound like a fun trip:( Glad you are home now!

  2. Sounds like you had a very crazy, hot mess, trip! :) I loved hearing about it though, at least your back home and your prayers are answered! haha

  3. that is a hot mess of a trip. at least it ended in fried chicken and the poop gods were nice to fluffy.

  4. hahahaha oh Dusty, I heart you. Hope you've visited the bathroom since your trip ;-)

  5. Lol, "when you travel you take the kitchen sink." Hilarious. I'm very sad that your shoes failed you. Hate that. Glad you are home safe and sound.

  6. only idiots talk about poop on their blogs.

    you and i, my friend. you and i.

    kindred spirits.

    1. Oh Twiggy, I should at least consult with you before I write my next poop blog. Better yet let me just refer everyone over to your blog what's it called..dirt n sticks?

      Love ya!

    2. Dusty. It's her main goal in life to get me to poop in a public bathroom. It's sad really.

    3. & your trip wounds lovely. and by lovely not lovely.

  7. That sounds terrible! I am not the best traveller. I get so ornery. I need a few days to recuperate. I noticed all my posts about travelling are negative, no matter how fun the trip is. I always am so flustered!

  8. haha! Oh man. Whenever I fly I get really bloated too... it's wonderful. It sounded like a nightmare! I bet you were exhausted!

  9. Don't lie you were secrectly in Hoboken!