Monday, May 21, 2012

The Mushy Pecker

You know when two minds get together, it's amazing what you can come up with. I imagine this is what some of the great inventors of the world came to the conclusion of although not via email. Last week, Jes wrote a post about men and women and the historic ways of communication between the two. I made a comment on that post that men in general after fighting with a woman basically think that make up s.e.x makes things all better. It got me to thinking. Thus began a new venture. I am the brains and she will handle the money. Oh, and all customer service calls.

Now ladies we all know that this is true. You get in a fight. You're still steaming. The man for some reason is turned on by this, yet thinks that becoming the minute man at the gas station of love will make you in a good mood. Thus this new product will help settle the score. 

It's called the Fake a Period Kit. For a mere $5.99 you can buy a kit that comes with three fake tampon strings and adhesive. All you have to do is say, "honey with your teeth gritted, I am so sorry but I am on my period or I just started my period." Here's how it works. You slip into the bathroom, pull out the fake string, place the tape on the tip of the string and stick to the vajajay or somewhere in the vicinity. When he doesn't believe you, hike that leg just enough to see the string. I mean all it will take is to see 1/2 inch of the damn thing and they will roll over and start snoring. 

If they keep on harassing you, for an extra $2.99, we will include our special potion called Stinker Juice. A small bottle of that not so fresh feeling. Dip the fake string in, stick and fo sho with one wiff this will induce the Mushy Pecker syndrome. What goes up must come down. It's our own special recipe and we cannot divulge the ingredients. 

Don't worry the adhesive will come right off after three episodes of Swamp People and they are sound asleep. You can then high five yourself for the win. I mean is this not the best invention ever? No more excuses. No more fake headaches. No more I am just too tired. The fight ends there. Pure defeat and you can stay pissed for as long as you want. Just remember the products are non-returnable or refundable and if this doesn't work for you, I recommend fighting like in the Roman days. 

Free trials are available for the Fake A Period kit. Get them while they are hot. These could sell out in minutes. Just send your money to 12345 I Fooled You Bastard Dr, Womanland, USA 00000 or to order call 1-000-IGOTYOU. 

Warning! Do not try to apply while intoxicated. It may not be believable if you are chocolate wasted with sprinkles and its stuck to your anal area.

For all the women in the world this is invention is for you! Other products such as  removable hemmoroids coming soon.

Happy Monday,


  1. I am dying laughing. You two are too freaking funny. Also, let's get chocolate wasted in Vegas. It only seems appropriate, right?

  2. LMAO!!! Could you include some placebo Midol too?? That would be the icing on the cake. I just said that to Wu, literally just said "Vegas?" Labor Day!?

  3. i have no idea what to say.

    congrats. twiggy's jaw is dropped and she is speechless.


  4. thanks, but no thanks.
    I would rather just 'pretend' with a real tampon.
    I love tampons.

    swamp people. yep.

    and seriously ... this is hilarious. and seriously, I do not love tampons.

  5. You and Jes are straight up HOT MESSES!! And I love you both for it!! I really think you might have stumbled upon something with this...holy could be borderline genius!!

  6. Let's get this Etsy shop up and rolling! I'm going to a Portland blogger meetup in the beginning of June. I'm thinking I should set up and stand and roll our products out. Except... you know that secret ingredient for the stinker juice? I need more beer.

  7. Hahahahaha! LMAO. You girls are brilliant. Geniuses in the making. Where's Bill Gates' money when you need it to launch this start-up?!?!

    Mendi @ Her Late Night Cravings

  8. ohboy. I only have two problems that stand in the way of you becoming a multi-millionaire. #1. I don't have that monthly visitor cause I have a I.U.D. so it wouldn't work for me. and #2. Pardon me for saying this, I hope I'm not going against some woman-code, but. um. don't you like that make-up s.e.x. ??? jus sayin' :P

  9. Unbelievable.
    And freaking GENIUS!

  10. HOLY SHYTE!!! I am dying laughing right now. You girls freaking ROCK!!!!!

  11. Oh my gosh...I had to read this post twice because I wanted to make sure I understood. I don't know if you are flippin' genius or just flippin' hilarious. I'm guessing both!
    XO - Marion

  12. I think it will be a hot item! ha ha ha! I don't think my husband would even question it, if I say the word period. He is done. If he isn't all I have to say is can you hand me the heating pad, and I am done for the night! =)

  13. PAHAHA.

    I love everything about this. Mostly the part about chocolate wasted/butts/mushy pecker.

    You're my favorite. Oh sheesh.

  14. This is the greatest idea ever. hahaha I laughed my face off the entire way through. you two....couple of geniuses. and so reasonably priced!

  15. I have no words. Except that the manfriend is in the room, and I'm trying hard not to laugh. He once asked me if that piece of string was left-over toilet paper. He'll never make that mistake again.

  16. So.


    Dusty. This killed me. I don't need to fake my period though, I can just will it to come to pass.. i have it that often. Biblical period talk.. hum. a new low?

  17. When I have a 'bad day' I will come here and search for this JUST to read it. You are too awesome.

  18. bahahhahaa! I could definitely use one of these ;) lol!

    daydream frenzy