Thursday, February 7, 2013

The Vajay Didn't Do It

Hello, everyone my name is Ian, or the artist better known as The Kid. Today is my birthday. I am 8 years old. My mom will tell you that she loves me to the moon and back and that I am the best gift she ever has received. But really she wants to tell you the truth. She had me via C-section. She was big as a whale. And nobody told her that even though she didn't give birth vaginally it still didn't stop her vajay from swelling up like two pieces of Texas toast. Nobody told her that she would be carved open like a pumpkin on Halloween and that all her vital organs would rest on her chest like a Fourth of July cookout grill just to get me out. But its all good. So, I want to share some pictures of me and I thought I would let her in on a few secrets. You know the kind you don't tell your mother. 

I used to drink alot. I have sense recovered.

Back then it was all about the hair

and being high on fructose corn syrup

I have always been a chick magnet, girls dug me

my style was impeccable 

but now that I am growing up, duh

I should be mature, what a joke

and grow up to be a respectful man

Whatever, I just want to be 8 years old. But I tell my mom everyday that I love her to the moon and back. She says that behind every good man is a good mom who raised him. She loves me. She's my biggest fan. So without my mom and dad doing the cupid shuffle, I wouldn't be here. Happy Birthday to me, Ian Gage probably known when I get older as Stud Muffin. 



31 comments:

  1. I love this!! Happy Birthday Ian! :)

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  2. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU LITTLE MAN.

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  3. Happy Happy Birthday IAN!!!! This is the best!!

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  4. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Seriously best hair ever?

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  5. OMG...I totally love this post! Happy Birthday Ian!!!

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  6. Holy crap your vajayjay made a cute kid. Happy birthday Ian!

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  7. He is such a cutie - a baby Dusty! Love it! Happy Birthday to your baby boy!

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  8. Happy Birthday Stud Muffin! Tell your mom that you need cake and ice cream for breakfast, lunch, and dinner! Followed by Just Dance!

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  9. ADORABLE!!!! OMG, he is SOOO CUTE!! Happy Birthday Ian!!

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  10. Awe, love this post. He is simply adorable. Happy Birthday Ian!

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  11. Happy birthday Ian, hope you have a great day!

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  12. He has been perfection since the day he was born! Man, I love that kid...can that be possible without even meeting him yet? Give him a big hug and a kiss from his momma in law to be! Oh, and I love you too!

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  13. I LOVE THIS!!!!! What a freakin' DOLL!!! So cute and handsome at the same time. HAPPY BIRTHDAY to your darling little man!!!

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  14. Happy birthday to the little stud muffin!

    xo, Yi-chia

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  15. Happy birthday Ian, and congratulations to you Dusty, on the anniversary of the memory of your guts hanging out on your boobs for a few hours. Errrrr, the day that your greatest gift arrived. Yeah, that second one sounds much nicer.

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  16. hope y'all have some super amazing birthday things planned.

    turning 8 is a pretty big deal!!

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  17. Love these photos! The third one down is our favorite!! Happy birthday to Ian!

    Jayme & Mendi @ Her Late Night Cravings

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  18. Happy Birthday Stud Muffin! Love the pictures and now I'm scared of pregnancy and giving birth all over again... Seriously, how am I ever going to give my husband a spawn?

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  19. Happy Birthday Ian!!! Hope it was a great day. Also, I'm never having kids. Thanks for reinforcing that.

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  20. Happy Birthday Ian! You're so dang stinkin cute and you look so much like your momma! Enjoy your whole birthday weekend. Big hugs!!!

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  21. You are just the cutest and of course, funniest! Always love your posts. Happy Birthday to your sweet boy.. he is a doll!!

    xo

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  22. Heyy little lady. Happy Birthday to your sweet boy! He's adorable as you already know this. I love the photo of him with the sun glasses -- too cute. Make sure you give him 8 tickle attacks, pitches, or whatever it's that you do. I hope all is well on your end. <3

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  23. Happy Birthday to Ian, I hope he had a great day celebrating his 8th year :)

    not going to lie, the intro of this post scared me. Just a little!!!

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  24. Aww what a cutie! Happy belated (sorry!) Birthday Ian! xoxoxoxo!

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  25. Happy Birthday!! He had the cutest curls ;)

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