Tuesday, April 30, 2013

I Can Do Tricks

Since you liked Naked Man so much, I thought I would tell you another adventure. If you didn't read Naked Man, you missed out.

I like the idea of trickery. When Becca and I would go to bars I like to tell stories, give fake names which we have already established mine was Beth and make believe I am something I am not. Once we went to this kind of hip hop bar. I am not sure why now, but it had to be for some odd reason. Boredom maybe. Anyway, as the night progressed, this guy came and sat down at our table. We used to get this alot at the Honky Tonk too. People just randomly coming up to our table for conversation. Any hoot, he sets down and starts asking us questions. Now let me tell you a little about Becca. She's great at playing along. If I ever started one of these trickery sessions, she knew exactly how to follow my lead. 

After a few minutes of prying and poking, he asked me what I did for a living. I said, that I was an undercover cop. To be clear he was either high as a giraffes ass or wasted because his eyes about popped out of his head. It took a few minutes to convince him but I did. I told him that I was off duty but that every cop was still on duty truthfully. He asked me if he got in his car if he could possibly be arrested for drinking and driving. I explained to him that I could make a citizens arrest since I was off duty. He continued to ask who I worked for and I told him that I couldn't divulge that information. I mean there wasn't any information to give him. I was an Executive Assistant at an architecture firm. The only thing I was arresting that night was a beer. He asked me of course about handcuffs; what man doesn't and I told him that I was off duty and I didn't carry my gun or handcuffs with me. I told him we were just there to have good time while off duty and he eventually went away white as a sheet.

About two weeks later, we were setting at the Honky Tonk and this guy comes by. Low and behold it was the same guy. I was singing at the top of my lungs to a Martina McBride song and he came over and said, "Don't I know you?" I said, "I don't know why?" He obviously was high as a giraffes ass or wasted again, he said, "Oh my god, you sing this song?" Uh, thank you dumbfuck, trickery number two. "I said, well maybe." The guy didn't remember he had just seen me two weeks ago and I was a cop. "I said, yes, I am an up and coming country music singer. This is my friend Becca, she's my stylist and that guy over there in the corner is Phil, he's my bus driver." Phil was some guy that used to hang out at the club, we were only acquaintances but he could have drove a Moped for all I know, but I think he played along with us that night. He was there every weekend as well, he knew our antics that's for sure. 

The guy walks off and before I know it, he's brought over friends, more stupid friends. I shook hands and then these dickdorks asked for my autograph. Well, being a up and coming country music singer who apparently copied Martina McBride, I signed their napkins and they went off into the depths of the bar. I am fairly certain we all burst into laughter. 

I am the master of trickery, which is pretty funny because I suck at lying but it was all in the name of free beer Saturday at the Honky Tonk. Thank you Martina McBride for making me famous if only for one night. 

Happy Tuesday,
Dusty

16 comments:

  1. why not an up and coming country music star who is really an undercover cop? makes sense to me.
    xoxoxox

    ReplyDelete
  2. I want to go out with you!! I always make up fake names when we are out with the girls!! I will have to take it a step further though and come up with a good back story! TOO FUNNY!

    ReplyDelete
  3. OMG these are hilarious stories. Seriously. I need friends like you.

    ReplyDelete
  4. SOO funny! My girlfriend and I used to also makeup names and for the life of me i am sad because i cant even remember now what mine was. We used the same names every week so that if someone yelled our fake name we would know to turn around. I love that he still did not recognize you. geesh!

    ReplyDelete
  5. My cousins and I used to pretend we were British. Why? I have no idea.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anything for a free drink I say! Can we go out together and play tricks? haha

    ReplyDelete
  7. That is just brilliant. I can't believe it was the same guy!

    ReplyDelete
  8. LOL, ah my, the old club days.. brings back memories. Actually, the night I met Rhett, I had a bright pink scarf tied up around my head, a dot between my eyebrows courtesy of brown eyeliner, and I "didn't speak english". My friend Sunny told everyone I was seeking refuge from the middle east and I would be stoned if my family knew I was in a bar. And everyone believed the story, including the bar owner. When the trickery was up (I got bored of not speaking) we were accused of being racist and the owner threatened to throw us out of the bar. What Rhett saw in me that night, I'm not quite sure. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  9. ha ha ha! I love your trickery. I am always tricking, but it's usually quite obvious because my lies are way to extravagant. I am really good at tricking my mom though :)

    ReplyDelete
  10. Ok I need to come live in your world, you are awesome! Haha your trickery is awesome.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Awesome I want your autograph too.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I want to party with you. And I already have your autograph, so there.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I need to come hang out with you guys. this is only my dream come true.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Haha I wish this scenario was on video because I feel like it would go viral on video.

    ReplyDelete
  15. hahahaha high as a giraffe's ass. I'm going to have to use that one in conversation sometime soon.

    I wish I'd been old enough to drink when you were in your heyday. You sound pretty ridiculous and hilarious to be around.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Hahaha... I love this!!! And you!

    ReplyDelete