Tuesday, January 24, 2012

why oh why

Everyone has been asked the age old question, “if you could trade places with anyone who would it be and why?” Then you get the same answers like, the President and God. And of course you have those that say, “I wouldn’t trade places with anyone else because my life is just as its supposed to be.” And they are right, but I also say bull kaka. We all in our lives wished we could trade places with someone or want to make wishes that you hope come true. We all wished that we had things we don’t or why didn’t I get blessed with this or that. I tell ya there have been many times that I have said that one day when I get to talk to God, I am going to ask him so many questions. Of course, by the time I get done, he’s probably going to kick me to the curb.

Like, God, honey buns, why didn’t you give me boobs?  No, I am not a sled, but something a little perky. Like when I cross over railroad tracks in my car they should bounce up and down, not side to side. You filled my butt out real good, but couldn’t you have transplanted some of that energy up top?

Or why do women have to have monthly menstrual cycles every 28 to 30 days? I know, I know, to cleanse the body and monitoring the cycle for child baring but you didn’t do this for man. Man deserves to feel the pain of cramps, push a watermelon threw a hole the size of a quarter. If not for the suffering for the bond you feel with carrying a child for nine months and feeling like a turtle on its back that can’t turn over.

Why do I have to shave my underarms and legs every few days. This I rebel on. Shave under my arms yes, but the legs, seriously, you’re lucky this girl isn’t considered green resembling a cactus. I hate to shave my legs, yet the burden upon a woman to be silky smooth is really over rated. And all the choices that we have to shave them with is despicable. Venus versus Gillette, Silky Smooth Shave Cream versus Barbosol. Have you seen the price of a Venus replacement..$14 bucks baby. That’s why you only get once a week with me. You could have just made me with no hair on my legs, it would have been fine really.

Snot…and its purpose is what? You blow and blow. Its purpose is nothing. I mean couldn’t you have least said, ok, if you make a snot quota after 10 day cold you get a prize. Our bodies produce a lot of things but why that? It’s sticky and slimy. Useless, well, except for two year old's who think its pretty yummy until they turn 12 and you tell them they used to eat it like chicklets gum. Then they are like, “no I didn’t”..oh, yes you did Bubba.

Why are dogs lives measured in years? Worthless guard dog #2 is 84 in dog years, oh wait that makes her twelve. Never mind, humans got the good end to that stick. High Five!

My point is, I do sometimes want what I don’t have or want to get rid of the things that are burdens in my life, but I don’t know that I could or would trade places with you. Your check lists have to be a mile long, your complaint box must be full and I realize that in your shoes I would probably fail miserably. Well, isn’t that just great, I come to revelation now I gotta go blow my nose, shave my body, take a Midol, find the push up bra and thank you everyday I am here for these 40 human years. Dang it, why do you have to be so Godlike to make a point. Ugh!

Have a great Tuesday!


  1. Once again, you have me hysterically laughing! I agree with you....why did I get a large chest and NO butt...literally I am a sled back there. And between periods and shaving...why oh why!!!!! So for a day, I'd like to be a big assed hairless periodless TALL woman :-) oh yeah with a money tree!

  2. Too funny and so very true!! For once I'd like to be ready for a night out in like 10 minutes, I'd love to not have a shopping addiction, and why oh why can't I just use Dial soap for my face like he does??

  3. haha loved this :) Such true statements too! I could really go without the periods and shaving as well.. soooo funny :)

  4. This is all too true!! I loved this post!! I added you to my list of faves on my blog!! :)
    XO Anna

  5. You and Ruthie both cracked me up with this post.. But your husband is lucky.. I have a 3year old so shaving once a week doesn't occur to often around these parts!

  6. Ruthie and I must find the seeds for the money tree, then I can pay for laser hair removal, a boob job for me and butt implants for her.

  7. Find a good plastic surgeon and I have enough thighs and stomach to supply D and Ruthie. And bonus for the trade off I gett uplifted and a flat stomach and shapely thights...oh to dream. LOL. I love the blog, keep up the good work. Catch the wave tomorrow.

  8. Got a chuckle out of this.... :)