Monday, August 6, 2012

Dork Douche

I must live in a land of stupid. Seriously, for someone who is pretty observant to my surroundings, I obviously have dork like tendencies. I am the type of person that can walk into a room and make mental notes of everyone there. I used to be fantastic with names but as I have gotten older if you ask me what someone's name is I will make it up. Many of my friends have been victims of this mad skill I have. I once had a friend ask me who someone was. I told her Dorothy. She went up to introduce herself and the lady said, I am sorry but my name is so and so. Oops. I am sure I got called a few names after that but all was forgiven. Its just my nature to do that kind of thing. Fun times.

So, even though I can tell you what "Dorothy" had on that night, I am not as observant of some things. Like the "Call Me Maybe" song. I knew there was a viral video going around with the Olympic swimmers and a viral tweet with other's repeating lines of this song, but did I get it? That's a negative. I just this weekend looked the video up and saw what all the hype was about and what do you know, the song was stuck in my head for hours after that. Dorkdouche moment #1.

Setting in the Mexican restaurant Saturday night, I was looking at the menu searching it high and low for a beef meximelt. I am thinking where are the beef meximelts? I look and much to my surprise, there are no beef meximelts because those are served at Taco Bell. Then I began to think what Mexican people think of Taco Bell. Do they like their food? Do they think its authentic? Could we have a beef meximelt challenge between Don Panchos and Taco Bell? I ordered two soft tacos and double refried beans. I came one waitress visit away from asking where they were located on the menu though. Dorkdouche moment #2.

I also pretty much solidified that I must be lactose intolerant. After drowning my sorrows in a hot fudge Sunday from Sonic. I got a rumble in the jungle. After 15 minutes, not only did I drop the kids off at the pool, I realized I dropped off the whole swim team. But I knew this would affect me this way so why in the sam thunder hell would I order a mound of ice cream topped off with chocolatey goodness? Every time I eat it, it makes me sick. Because that's what a girl does when she's down in the dumps, she eats crap that's not good for her. Dorkdouche moment #3.

See friends, I am surrounded by no interaction with the world. I still listen to Bon Jovi and think the national anthem is Free Bird (not really but its a shout out to the southern dorkdouches who still feel it necessary to take off their hats and salute the gods of Lynard Skynard.) I still think roller skating is cool, that no dress code in school is a child's way of expressing their individuality, and that you meet the parents when your kid goes out on their first date. I believe in yes ma'am and no sir, please and thank you. But I guess I should get with the program and pay attention more to the things that make this new age world go around, that's after I go listen to 80's classic Hit Me With Best Shot by Pat Benatar.

Happy Monday,
Dusty


23 comments:

  1. Free Bird is amazeballs. I am tempted to play your name trick on Jim. He NEVER remembers anyone's name and is always asking me. I of course, always remember but I should make one up just for giggles:)

    ReplyDelete
  2. It's the no gallbladder, not the lactose intolerant. I had an incident involving cheese on Saturday. DEFINITELY the lack of gallbladder.

    ReplyDelete
  3. a) Poop stories are always funny. ALWAYS. I don't care what my mom or my husband say to the contrary.

    b) At one time in my life I sang in a band, and Hit Me With Your Best Shot was, second to Led Zeppline's Rock & Roll, my favorite song to perform, if only because that very last "...fire AWAAAAAAAY..." was AWESOME, and I nailed it every single time.

    c) Geez - SOMEONE is feeling a little superior about their Pat Benatar sanging skillz this morning, aren't they?

    ReplyDelete
  4. your blog is really nice :) If you want, check out my blog
    www.nessa-mae.blogspot.co.uk, If you like it follow on GFC and Bloglovin, and I ALWAYS follow back xx – Vanessa Mae

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oh you aren't alone. Bon Jovi is my lover...in my dreams at least. And "Alone" by Heart has been on repeat in my car for 3 days. =)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Ok seriously. 1) EVERY time I go eat ice cream in public, we have to leave wherever we are immediately because I have entered shitcity pop: ME. I should learn, but I just can't. 2) I watched a 20/20 last night about people that cannot recognize faces ...they also talked about people who are super-recognisers. These people can remember THOUSANDS of faces at all life stages. They showed one lady a picture of a famous person when they were 12 and she totally knew who it was.

    ReplyDelete
  7. First of all, Taco Bell is authentic!!! Why would you even question that? And we can listen to 80s music together all day long...we can be DD's all day long...sorry, I just couldn't bring myself to type that "word" from your post title...
    Shanna

    ReplyDelete
  8. Sorry to hear you were down in the dumps...literally! Hope you have a better week this week. NO ice cream for you lady! :)

    I think Mexican people love Taco Bell, all of my friends who are mexican eat it...now whether or not it's authentic is a strange question..I mean, is the food even authentic food in general? Hehe. I kid...but really...

    You so silly!
    xo Kayla

    ReplyDelete
  9. I think I'll die inside if the doc ever tells me I'm lactose intolerant...but I think I'm with Shannon with the no gallbladder. My dad had his removed, and his mom had her's removed...I know it's coming :(

    ReplyDelete
  10. I am AWFUL with names. I sooo want to try your Dorthy trick!! LOL

    I feel for you for discovering what the Call Me Maybe anthem is all about. That damn song. It won't leave my head somedays. It's the WORST.

    XO chicaroo ;)

    ReplyDelete
  11. I can't handle so many foods. I always eat them anyway, and then like 20 minutes after eating them when my stomach starts to hurt and twirl.. i remember that I shouldn't eat those foods.. until tomorrow when I will again.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Haha, you're so funny! I'm with you too, I like tradition and I don't want change. And Bon Jovi will always be the best!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Lactose pills are our friends... buy em... use em... and pray to the lactose gods. I'm addicted to popcorn overloaded with butter (I always tell the girl at the movie theater extra butter and then when you think you've put enough... put more)... chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream... mac & cheese... parmesan on my pasta... and the king of foods... Grilled Cheese!! I could not live without these things. I wouldn't want to. And with these pills you too can enjoy all these wonderful foods.

    ReplyDelete
  14. hahahah you sound like Jon when he moved to Texas and thought Taco Bell was awesome Mexican food :) and btw your body can go in and out of stages of being lactose intolerant...try cutting dairy and using almond milk to see if that helps!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Bahahahahahha.... lactose intolerant. Unfortunately I think I confirmed the same thing this weekend after eating way too much of my fair share of Mastro's butter cake. I'm also three pounds heavier today than normal. This is a lot for someone who monitors extra ounces. I am dying today. Literally dying. But the cake was good. And I will do it again when the opportunity presents itself.

    Hey friend... why were you in the dumps this weekend???

    ReplyDelete
  16. hahaha I'm so going to just change peoples names sometime thats awesome.

    Sorry you're lactose intolerant thats soo sad to hear. I love froyo.

    Hopefully your butthole is okay.

    any package yet?

    ReplyDelete
  17. I have these issues too when I eat anything dairy. Does it and will it stop me from eating dairy? Hell no! It's just so damn good that I will sacrifice spending time with el toilet!

    ReplyDelete
  18. authentic mexcian restaurants are offically offended.

    i'd still choose taco bell though.

    ReplyDelete
  19. How does it make you feel that as soon as you said "beef meximelt" I knew that you were referring to the TB?

    Good.

    ReplyDelete
  20. If the crap makes you crap doesn't it cancel itself out in the fluffy department? That's why I always eat that kind of stuff at least...

    I've ever heard of a meximelt. Then again, I've boycotted Taco Bell ever since I quit having all night drinking benders. Sometimes I miss those days a lot... for the taco bell, of course ;)

    ReplyDelete
  21. not the ice cream, please!! anything but the ice cream!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  22. I LOVE PAT BENATAR! That is all.

    ReplyDelete