Monday, August 20, 2012

I am a Robot

Some days I feel like a robot. Everything seems to be the same routine day in and day out. Instead of feeling like Judy Jetson I feel like the mechanical maid, Rosie. Although that little rug rat is pretty cute with his futuristic hat and crazy dog, life just isn't that way. I wonder what she got paid with? New batteries?

My week always starts the same and ends the same except with a few bumps in between. I rise and shine every day, shower, make coffee, get up the kid for school, finish getting ready, feed the dog, tell my son to get ready 25 times, then out the door with me telling him 26 times to turn off the TV. Drop him off, hit the interstate for work, off at 4 pm, blah blah blah, bed time, repeat. It's Groundhog day literally. Remember that movie?

Then comes the weekend. I can't wait for Friday then I come home to the reality that every thing I basically neglected during the week has to be done on the weekend, like laundry. I usually start laundry on Friday and fold it all on Sunday but I am trying to process why 90 percent of the items are of the male gender and 10 percent is female?

Seriously, Duh has 24 pairs of underwear and how is it in 7 days he can wear 18 pairs of them? My son has 15 pairs of socks, yet by Friday I can't find two that match. I don't want to hear the sock monster theory. I have checked for monsters, they don't come to my house for fear of being put to work. I got asked on Saturday if I had cinnamon buns for breakfast. What do I look like, a New York Deli? Let me crap two cinnabuns for you. You want cream with that coffee? Mom, I want toast and jelly. No butter, cut the crust. Really? Yes, Lord Vanderbilt, let me see if I got your order correct. Did you say no butter? And would you like that on a silver platter or shoved up your nose. Oh, and yes, I will only fill your glass half full of Sunny D. Why the hell would I think that you get all of your vitamins in a full glass or orange juice. How stupid of me. 

Honey, have you seen my black shirt? Which one? You know the black one. Hmm, out of the 55 black ones you have can you be more specific hossgrinder? I don't think I can figure out exactly what your talking about. Oh, mom, do you know that Andrea's birthday party was today? No, who's Andrea? Her party is at the jumpy place? And your point is? Well, she sent an invitation. Oh, and where is the invitation? In my book bag. Yes, child that I birthed. I have the inapt ability to read your mind. I knew the invitation was in there. So dumb of me. Guess what? Because I forgot, you get to enjoy the party in your dreams. Tell Andrea when you see her Mommy says happy birthday, hope it was everything she wanted and more. 

So, not only am I a robot, I am the hired help, mind reader, cook, chauffeur, dog walker, and whatever else you want to throw in there. Do you ever feel like your little Miss Do it All? I just figured something out. I am a prostitute and a free one at that maybe I should have married Fred Flintstone. 

Happy Monday,
Dusty

23 comments:

  1. I may have giggled a little..or a lot :P Sometimes it is ok for kids to hear 'no'. Husbands too ;-)

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  2. Yup, sometimes when I'm doing mountains-o-laundry for 5 people, I think - WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO DOES LAUNDRY AROUND HERE????!!! Or when it's a day when The Hubs works from home, and when I get home from work and the kids are eating dinner, and The Hubs COMPLETELY DOES NOT FINISH THE JOB? i.e., he vanishes into thin air and I am left to clean up the kids and the kitchen and I'm PISSED thinking I would NEVER expect him to clean up the kitchen when he gets home from work. And then I remember he does stuff like clean out the cat box 98% of the time, or fix our cars or house when they get broken, or take out the trash, and I can unclench a little. But sometimes I just let myself go with the pissed off flow too, and slam things around, just because.

    Mwah.
    Shan

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  3. The Jetsons :) that reference brought back memories.
    I had a smile on my face reading this but at the same time I really felt for you. I understand the repetition and monotony of weekdays, but the weekends are mine and altho I want a relationship and children, after reading your account of your weekend, I'm kinda glad it's just me for now. Next weekend tell them you are taking the whole of it/a day/a few hours off from being mum and wife and do something for you, you definitely sound like you deserve it.

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  4. Oh yes ROBOT all the way. I just had the same thought this morning about the kiddos undies and socks - then I found them - still in the dryer YIKES.

    SO here is to WEEKENDS and getting a break from being the robot!

    Sharee'
    www.momFITtingitallin.com

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  5. I dread school next week. I really do. I don't have an other half, but I've got two boys, 18 and 14, and it's a special treat living with them. We are all different with how we do things.

    Happy Week to you! :)

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  6. Oh my word... we just started combining our laundry a few weeks ago. So Ammon took this as an excuse to never touch the laundry again. Uhhhhh... really? No, that isn't what that means, dude. I find a couple of glasses of wine are a huge help when it comes to tackling housework. That way, you can pretend you're doing something fun, because you're buzzed.

    I giggled about being a free prostitute.

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  7. You hit the nail on the head with this one. Totally feel like a robot in repeat mode most days. And what do you mean, you can't read minds?? Ha. I swear I thought that was automatically downloaded when we spit the babies out. ;)

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  8. I know what you mean- and I hate that feeling of robot-ness! No bueno! I think when I feel like that I try to make plans to switch up my schedule or add in something that I really miss or love doing! Life is no fun like a robot! Happy Monday D!

    xo

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  9. I totally feel this way. I hate it. and I don't even have a dog or kid yet.

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  10. I could've written this post word for word. Robot mom/wife over here too! Some days I just want to deviate from the norm...very rarely happens though. Happy Monday Dusty!

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  11. My sister used to joke that SHE needed a wife to help her with all that stuff. I honestly miss my little routine. I try to get all that stuff done during the week so I can hang with Austin on the weekends. I can tell you that the shit is going to hit the fan when I go back to work for sure!

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  12. Welcome to the world of being a wife and mom! Try having an extra one...that will really throw you for loop! Our lives seem eerily similar. It's called life and one day when the kids are gone and out of the house...we can turn back into real human beings...for now, we just gotta suck it up and know we aren't alone! Love ya!
    Shanna

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  13. Momma needs a day off. And a cocktail. And a maid. Hugs and high fives for being honest.

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  14. Bahahaha! Or shoved up your nose! Hilarious. I am the same way but with no kids, I can't imagine how much harder it is when you throw kids in there. Yikes!

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  15. Hahahaha. I just have a fur baby, and I feel like a robot (except I forget everything). I have no idea how you do it! You deserve a spa-day!

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  16. Ex.ACTLY! It's just a thankless job sometimes, this momma and wife biz. Gotta try and mix it up, right! Muy importante. Love u!

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  17. Haha, omg what a fabulous rant. I feel the same way about laundry at our house... and it's just me and my husband. He wears a suit to work every day, but somehow every weekend, there are about 20 tshirts in the laundry. How does that happen? Why do you need to change 3 times a night. No one cares if you're wearing the blue tshirt or the green tshirt while eating dinner. And why are there always shirt tucked into other shirts, can't you separate them??

    Happy Monday indeed! :)

    xo, Yi-chia
    Always Maylee

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  18. Sounds like you need a day all to yourself soon!

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  19. Yes, I know the move 'Groundhog Day' one of my favorites. And it often describes my life too.

    Maybe we should be sister wives to Fred Flintstone.

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  20. I love be this post because more and more everyday, this is becoming my life. Esp the Groundhog day reference. So when do I wake up?!

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  21. But you are a mind reader. And you're also very pretty, and those two Cinnobons are lucky to have you.


    xxxx

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  22. At least you look fabulous doing it all ;) I'm sure that they appreciate you more than you know, but they owe you a spa day or somethin'!

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