Today's Hot Tamale is my Ma! You know say it like they do up North. I have authority on this because I reside with a Yankee. Today is her birthday. I won't say how old she is because she reads this master piece...62...and I could (not or possibly) get in trouble. Oh, who cares she lives a county away and would have to drive like a bat out of hell to get here and listen, unless she's going to pay her JC Penny's bill, she aint o' comin' during the week. This weekend I will decide to lock the doors and pretend no one's home.
And if saying her age didn't do it, this should solidify my place below my brother and sister in the will. If you don't hear from me on Monday, I am in an underground hide out with an assumed name.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MOMA, I LOVE YOU! Thank you for squeezing me out of your loins,