I am just going to throw a bunch of stuff at you like curve ball and if you digest it, fantastic. If you leave here smarter, send me an email, we should talk If you pass the word around then you are my new hero. And if all else fails, there is tomorrow and in the famous words of that redheaded girl, what was her name? Annie? "Tomorrow, Tomorrow. I love ya, tomorrow."
Last week I did a good deed. I offered a girl some words of comfort. I came out of the bathroom stall and there were two women standing at the sink. One was bawling her eyes out, the other asking her what happened and trying to get the story. After the non snot nosed girl walked out of the bathroom, I looked at the snot nosed girl and said, "this is why I work with mostly men, girls can sometimes be real bitches." To which such snot nosed girl proceeded to wail even louder and I cut a rug out the door. I tried.
I officially suck at Angry Birds. No really. I blame it on my astigmatism. I can't adjust the depth perception, so I end up crashing these birds into rocks or scoring hardly any points. I challenged my son the other night. His score 76,810. My score 1810. And why hasn't PETA raised three shades of hell about this game? Bird heads killing pigs. Oh, I am sure there will be people that will say, "It's the circle of life." I run from birds, I don't slingshot them into structures. All I know is this game drives me crazy. Pisses me off to zero end. I must master it and move to level II before Christmas.
I saw a teacher at The Kid's school last week with the skinniest legs I have ever seen in my life. All I kept thinking was asparagus is bigger than her thighs. Swizzle sticks come to mind. Please eat beef. One swift kick with the end of my big toe and her legs would snap like twigs. Then I took a drink of my coffee setting in the car rider line and set a goal to achieve this look by 2013.
Which brings me to Thanksgiving. Who the eff diets on Turkey Day? Not this Badonkadonk. I am thinking of finding a pair of old maternity jeans with the elastic Just the thoughts of it make me wish it was already in my tummy. But then I get to drive home feeling like a busted can of biscuits. The misery, the gastro pains. Praying to baby Jesus that taking a poo will be painless and I will lose 27 point 4 pounds. Then I will realize on Friday..Hmm.. Left overs. Repeat process in own home.
That's it for this Monday. I trying to ex-sponge it all out of my head. I got more. But I will let you digest this for today. Here's hoping Miss Chopstick Legs eats a turkey thigh for Thanksgiving.