Monday, April 15, 2013

There's A Big Fat Difference

A few weeks ago there was a series going around called If I Were A Boy. I didn't get to honestly read a ton of them but it got me to thinking about raising my own male species and what its like to be in a male's shoes day to day. I know that in life we all want equality but let's get real, it's still not there yet. The statement Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus is probably the most accurate. Women by nature are nurturing and men are materialistic. Now before you go ranting let me explain. 

In some way or another we all have both traits. Whether you have a mothering instinct or not depends on your own personal level. You may not ever want to be a mother, but you have pets and that also falls into that nurturing category. Men are more masculine. The bring home the bacon type. Keep the household running. That's why when our relationships go down the tubes, the woman is always the one who suffers emotionally. We don't think about the things we have it's what we are losing. Men get all huffy when we then in turn take everything they own because they decided to not keep their peckers in their pants. I mean think about it. How many times have you heard, "I can't believe he did that. I loved him so much. We had a family. We were supposed to grow old together." And the males say, "Can you believe that bitch? She took my house, my pension, half my bank account and she's even turned the dog against me!" See the difference here? One is WE and the other is MY. Now not all men are like this. I am just speaking somewhat generally. I truthfully am so glad I have a son but it's hard sometimes raising one.

Male and females are different in many aspects. If I were to scratch my crotch and adjust myself in public, people would think I have the ickatooty. 

Guys tend to set around and talk about boobs. Ever met a man who wasn't interested in a breast of something? Not many. But if I were to set around and talk about the Tennessee Mahogany Throbber, I would a slutbunny. 

Men can grow their hair out and we flash back to every hair band in the 80's and fall madly in love with the wanna be rock star. A girl shaves her head, she's a dike. 

If we don't shave under our arms it's all gross and disgusting but they lift their arms up and it looks like an orangatang escaped from the zoo.

A man can have a hobby that cost thousands of dollars a year just to keep them occupied. A woman spends $300 dollars on a Coach purse and its a WTF moment and possibly a cause to file for bankruptcy.

Call a woman a grill master and all the buddies in the yard are going to call him the P word. I mean they have hiked their legs and peed all over the outdoor cooking stigma.

But here's the deal. I wouldn't want to be of the male persuasion. The dingalings serve their purpose but it's not model material. It just hangs there. Dangling. Just waiting to be stomped on by the cat the woman loves so much but it only wants to set in his lap. I don't care to be in charge of cooking out doors. I personally am afraid to light the thing on fire. I am partial to my eyebrows thank you very much and who wants to smell like a shish kebab all day. I don't need an expensive hobby. Books are cheap and I can entertain myself with the ID channel. If things don't work out I at least know how to Good Bye Earl his ass after 8 hours of tube time. And if I have an itch I will just set on my foot, scratch back and forth and claim my thigh was itching. 

All I can say is men are good. They are good at what they do. They are good at the things that society and nature tells them to be at and Women well, we just fucking rock!

Happy Monday,
Dusty


21 comments:

  1. Wow Dusty!!!

    This post is like an episode of Oprah...........slowly backing away.

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  2. I totally agree! My husbands hobbies cost WAY more than mine. It definitely caused some contention in the beginning of our marriage, because I was like WTH? My hobbies are next to FREE and yours cost hundreds of dollars, and yet women get the bad rap. Haha. I'm perfectly happy being of the female persuasion ;)

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  3. Love this. A lot. Women do fucking rock!

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  4. I didn't shave my legs for like two months. Andy told me it was part of being a woman to shave your legs. I was like uh helloooo not your decision.

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  5. wow! i love reading this Dusty. well said. yep, male and female are different but that what makes it work between us, doesn't it?

    p.s : it's orangutan by the way. not orangatang ;)

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  6. haha i love this!!! yes we are different and that's a good thing. I like that he does yard work and I don't. (well unless forced).

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  7. This post is exactly why I LOVE you!!!

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  8. Men and women will always be different no matter how much society tries to make us equal. We all know women are and will always be, far superior. :)

    xo, Yi-chia
    Always Maylee

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  9. Ickatooty is my new favorite word. And you continue to be my favorite human. MY THIGH IS SO ITCHY RIGHT NOW.

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  10. Women are just a whole other breed for sure. We can multi task like crazy and have everything organized and solved in a matter of time.
    Men are wonderful creatures to snuggle with and laught at/with but dang they can be so frickin annoying! And yes i'm about to be married in 4 months.
    Dont mess with your ickatooty!

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  11. I hate when my hubby bitches about me buying something but if he spends money on a 'toy' it's okay! Yeah right! If he gets something..."Moma" get equal or greater value!

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  12. I have told Ammon many times that he is much more of the woman in our relationship. He loves talking about feelings. He's far more nurturing than I am simply by nature. And he's good at it too. However, he's totally not the normal, typical man, and I know that. He does a lot of man-like things, but he isn't typical.

    I'm always astounded by the depths of your observations. You package them up in a hilarious way, but there are some really deep things here. I'm glad you shared them!

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  13. Quite frankly, I am speechless about this topic...but what I will say is you WILL raise that sweet boy right and he WILL be an exception to this post! I can promise you that!

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  14. Biggest burden of my life is to raise a son his future wife will thank me for! Which is why I don't cook, so he will have to. ;) I feel you tho.. Men and women see things so differently.

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  15. Totally! I think that even thought I love my man, so many of our arguments are because I'm emotional and he's materialistic. You're totally right about the hobbies too. I buy $100 shoes and won't wear them for days deciding if i'll keep them. J spends 100's on his guitar, guitar recording stuff, and other guitar related stuff. Jared treats me extremely well and I'm thankful for his mom. When you boil it down though, men and women just see thing differently.

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  16. So funny, so true. I would totally enjoy having a dingaling for about 20 minutes. I would pee on all sorts of things and maybe some people, then I'd want to tuck that shiz back up and be done with it. And what is with the expensive hobbies? It's good for my husband to spend $75 on a damned playstation game but my $23 pedi is a waste? What the deuce, I say!

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  17. Inspector Climate thanks his lucky stars every day he isn't a girl. He couldn't handle the periods, the mood swings, and in my specific case the endometriosis. But man, I wish he could experience it just once...ONCE i say.

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  18. YES! Women do fucking rock! ESPECIALLY YOU!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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