Monday, May 7, 2012

Name for goodness Sakes

You have heard me several times talk about that I am sure my mom was on a high juice cocktail when I was born and gave me a boys name. ..unless you've been living under a rock. I didn't really have an issue with it until the 5th grade and they put me on the boys list at school for teacher assignment of students the first day of the year. From then on, my complex began. I remember many times when someone would ask my name even as an adult I would take about three seconds to answer and I always get..oh, I love it, sounds famous.Well, I am not famous just yet. I am still working on that. But I thought I would give my thoughts on all the hype on celebrity baby names.

We know that Jessica Simpson gave birth to a beast. I mean a baby last week and named her Maxwell. And it's already started with the Maxi pad jokes. I personally kind of like it although I am team Vanessa and Nick and its a boys name. How can you not cheer for it and then think poor kid.

I chose Ian's name because I knew no Ian's. Now they are everywhere. But I am always so curious as to where or how they chose to name their own child that. I named Ian after an Olympic Gold medal swimmer, Ian Thorpe. I thought that hopefully one day when he looked for inspiration he would know his name sake accomplished something big. I also when I think of names always revert to the 3rd grade Banana Fanana Fo Fanana song. Why, because its still stupid cool. Read more about stupid cool here.

So here are my picks for stupid celebrity baby names that will cause each of these kids to hate their parents when they get older..and rightly so.

Alicia Silverstone - Bear. Not only does she feed him her own chewed up food but she gave him an animal name. The result. Pooh bear, polar bear, and teddy bear. Hate factor a 9. And that's only because one day he will read the article of her chewing up her food and feeding it to him. I see Cub Scout leader as his calling.

Kate Hudson - Bing. A search engine on the internet. A sound. The result. Bing Bong, Bing dong and Bing ding. Hate factor a 6. I would be pretty pissed if my big brother was name Ryder and all I got was plain ole Bing.

Rachel Griffiths - Banjo. Musical instrument and dog name. The result. Banho and Bunghole. The kids are all going to ask him if he knows how to pick-n-grin like the country folk. I will wonder when he's 25 if he still has all is teeth and making an appearance on Swamp People. Hate factor 8. Of course it could have been worse. She could have name him Cello.

Nicole Richie - Sparrow. This one is hard because I LOVE her. She's one of my style icons. But a bird? Did she lay him in a nest and set on him for a few weeks until he hatched. I guess in a round about way that's what women do. The result. Arrow, Sabbarro, Dario, Bird man and Little Beak. Hate factor 7. Birds are beautiful creatures but I would tell her at about 18 to fly a kite.

Gwyneth Paltrow - Apple. I know I will get booed for this and I know that you could say she's the apple of my eye. Yep, yep, yep. But kids at kindergarten will love it and when she gets older all the pick up lines she will get. You sure are sweet, let me take a bite bullshit. The result (jail time for punching out a sicko) and Snapple, rapple, apple pie, and gabble. Hate factor 2. I mean it is a sweet thought.

Beyonce - Blue. It's a crayon color. The result. Blue bell, blue bonnet, blue sky, slew, dew, peppy la blue. But maybe she was on the cocktail herself. I drank a blue Valium drink once and it knocked me on my ass. Hate factor 4. She's Beyonce's kid. All she has to do is tell someone to if they don't like it they can put a sock in it (insert music here).

So those are my thoughts on these celebrity baby names. I mean what ever happened to good ole Virginia. Yeah, its not too great either but you could call her Ginny. 

Where did your name come from? Do you know someone who named their kid something unusual? I would love to hear it.

Happy Monday,


  1. My name's a combination of my mom and dad, mama(Nida), papa(rommel) so Ronida. I have this batchmate in college with a VERY VERY VERY weird spelling. Everyone's perplexed, here:Yhnoirielewh Muel. It's the hardest name spelling ever. And another friends's name is "O". Just that. "O". :D

  2. Nothing is as bad as Pilot Inspektor, Jason Lee named his kid that. I love Jason and he is hilarious but seriously? Lay off the bong!

  3. so i have a confession. dan's name is not dan. it's actually john (he goes by dan). John Jones. and his dad? John Jones. And his cousin? John Jones. i am praying that we do NOT have a boy for this very reason. But, if we have a John Jones... at least you can't make fun of the name. or can you??

  4. Mine came from my pediatrician. My mom wanted a name with a J and couldn't think of one. Our pediatrician had 3 sons and always wanted a girl and was way past the age of children so she let my mom have the "J" name that she had been saving up for herself. Alas, that is how I got my name. People spell it wrong all the time. I just go with "Christina" half the time.

  5. Names are definitely hard to pick! You don't want to be too odd/out there but you don't want a common name (hello Jennifer & Joe) the husband and I don't agree on any baby names.....haha. I'm hoping when the time comes, it magically appears.

  6. Shannyn Sossaman named her kid Audio Science. AUDIO SCIENCE. WTF? People are crazy. Way crazier than your mom giving you a boy's name.

  7. I have a boy's name too but got an extra N put at the end (Jordann). So, I get the random "Is it Jord-ann?" Nope, just Jordan with two N's. :) My mom actually named me after the character Jordan in the movie Cocktail.

  8. You know where my name came from. Nice celeb picks - I hate the name Apple. And Bear? Really? Do you want to talk about how Maxwell actually walked out of JSimps who-ha again? That was fun.
    <3 <-- it's a heart b/c I heart you.

  9. I love your name!! I come from a family of boy-named girls (I am the only one in 4 girls with a girls name!). My mom is Jimi and sisters are Cori and Tomi. I like Maxwell but I wish the middle name was girly and not a boy name!! Like Maxwell Isabella or something girly would be better! And BANJO?!?!?!? OMG! What the %^&*$

  10. I like the name dusty, it's fun and not too common. it's my cousins name too. He's a guy though lol. Isms a great name too, I like the thought behind it :)

    Out of that list of Terrible names the only one I dint mind us sparrow. The test ... UGH.

  11. When I was young I hated my name because I never knew ANYONE with it. Why couldn't I be a Lindsay or a Tiffany? But now I thank God my parents did it the way they did because I love having a unique name. Celeste isn't too crazy, but you don't hear it often either. And my husbands name is Arsen (which, it never fails, gets "wait, you mean like fire?"). I think strange names go well together. The only real downside was all the Celester Molester jokes I got in junior high...that wasn't fun.

  12. My sister's daughters are Brooklyn and Boston. I hope to have a Britain and London. ;)

    Banjo and Bing. What??! Weird.

  13. so.......i don't boo you for doggin' the name apple. it sucks alright, it totally sucks. who knows where my first name came from, but my middle name? omg. my middle name.


    AHAHAHHAHAHA. yes, my mother had to of been on the cocktail. i'm part black apparently.

  14. hahaha yesterday we were all talking about how my grandmother in law must've been high when she named my mother in law (Shawn) and her brother(Kim)! And my nephew Parker is pissed because there's a little girl on his tball team named Parker. But I think Parker is cute for a girl.

  15. oh my word, I absolutely agree. Just because you're a star, and you want all of this attention, why in the world are you subjecting your kid to it? They have ZERO chance of living a normal life and fitting in.

    ...Then again, boyfriends' parents named him Ammon. And he isn't middle eastern, or a terrorist. He wants to pass it on to our son. I'm trying to find a way to convince him to not doom our child to a life of being on Homeland Security's Terror Watch List for no apparent reason. Hoping he will see the light before the time comes to name a baby.

  16. Haha this is hilarious and informative. I had no idea all those were celebrity baby names. Terrible! But what do they care, they're famous!!

    My name came from my moms college friend, nothing special. I really like your name :) And I like boy names for girls for some reason.

  17. I was named after Lindsey Buckingham. My mom LOVED Fleetwood Mac.

    I have a friend also named Dusty and her maiden name was Farmer. Dusty Farmer, who names their kid Dusty when their last name is Farmer?

    And who names their kid Apple when the last name is Martin? Apple Martini anyone?

  18. What is up with this? These are all so weird... and I say that as a girl who often gets that said about her own name. (My mother just liked it, btw. No actual story.)


  19. Hahah Bing is the winner. Bing. Hahah how terrible!
    My middle name is Chae. There's supposed to be an accent over the 'e' but I don't know how to make one. It's pronounced Shay but the spelling is French because I was born in the French Quarters of New Orleans. Oh and also after my god mother. =)
    Better than Bing. =)

  20. Girl, I got the Bo' Banna song all my life with my name being Shanna. I wanted to change my name all my life...nobody ever pronounces it I seriously always say, "Hi, I am Shanna, you know, like Banana." because if not I will get called Shauna, Shayna, get the picture. This post cracked me up...per usual. And, I must say, I do like the name Sparrow...and Nicole is one of my fashion icons as well!
    Shanna Bo Banna

  21. YES. Thank you times infinity plus one for this. Can we talk about Gwennyth Paltrow and apple? I will just never know. Nope, never.

  22. On 3rd grade Banana Fanana Fo Fanana sister's name is Melinda, but growing up we called her Mindy. My family is HUGE into nicknames. To this day, I still call her Handle. Mindy Mindle Mandle Handle. Boom. Done. :)

  23. I was SUPPOSED to be a boy (of course this was in the day before routine ultrasounds). My lovely parental units were dead set on naming me Michael, after my Dad. This of course, was problematic because I came out donning lady parts. Instead, they allowed my sister to name me. She named me after a known drug dealer. Lovely. Maybe I'll post a more detailed version on le blog someday.

  24. I only know that I was named after Mikhail Gorbachev, and he is a male and I am female. Luckily Miki can go either way. I have met 1 other person named Miki, except it was a boy (not a mouse) and he spelled it Mickey. So w/e! My friends are naming their little girl Charlie... I don't know how I feel about that boy name for a little girl.

  25. Some names are just weird. But hey I had a odd name for my baby too so why I am talking? Ha. I agree with Beyonce.. haven't gotten the baby blue yet. I like the name Dusty though (:

  26. Team Nick for life. Stupid Jessica. Their divorce was harder then my own parents, and I am not even joking.

    Listen. Shaylynn? My mom babysat a Shay, thought she should add lynn and create a name. Wrong. in middle school my best friends name was what Shaylynn. The girl thinks she created my name. She didn't.

    However I hear my name shouted in grocery stores to small little girls. "SHAYLYNN" my heart stops. I hated the name Shaylynn for a long time, I would freak out. Shay was where it was at, the older I get the more common it is for Shaylynn to be the name said. Wow, I just went on and on, you're welcome. Dusty, Shay is a boy name:)

    Story about Amy LaShawn- skype. "Shay, say my full name,'ll prove we're friends.." Try saying that name to the whitest girl we know.. seriously. It was hard.

    1. Oh I have a cousin names Carsee. I hate her name so much. It's carseat minus the t.

  27. I for one, LOVE your name. I'm pretty jealous of it myself. My name is pretty rare anywhere EXCEPT for Utah. Everyone and their dog is named Whitney. But, my Dad always wanted to name his little girl that, so I can't complain. My least favorite baby name is Moon Unit. I can't remember what celebrity named their kid that, but I saw it in a baby name book and I almost died. And now my best friend only refers to me as Moon Unit.