Sometimes I think of a story, then I select a title. Sometimes a think of a title then write the story. Today, the title means nothing and the story is just a recap of somethings I found interesting, boring or just plain willie wonka'd in 2012. Yes, I could give you recap of my favorite post, or my non existent outfits that I thought I would display or say click here and read this crap, but if you read my blog, you know what I have wrote and if you're new then you should have been catching up. I am correct? Correct. So here are a few things this lifestyle blogger found in 2012 that I feel sums up how I felt about a few things and glad that the new year is here. Yeah, yeah, I am going to get to some stuff I plan for 2013, but let me do a little catching up will ya?
First, Chevron was all the rage. Shirts, skirts, pillows and bows. It was everywhere. I like it although I would rather have flower power, it's a modern twist. But wearing it is totally different. Why would I want to wear something that is an inverted math sign? I see it and I think it screams my boobs are <less than> my stomach or here is an arrow tip pointing to every part of my body that is being defied by gravity going down. I guess it could be a big bunch of W's or if you stand on your head, M's. Oh, wait, its multi-functional. I get it now.
The top knot. I for one, I am a fan. I am certain that my hair is glad I am going back to work because this is basically how my hair has stayed for 9 total days not consecutive of course. My hair at this moment has enough grease to fry an egg on it. To say I was lazy is an understatement. I have seen many a bun over the last year and ladies here is the deal. In the South, we say the higher the hair, the closer to God. But if you start looking like Marge Simpson, then its time to maybe try a pony tail. I just don't feel that inter tubes on the top of your head are appropriate unless you could be drowning. Oh, wait it's multi-functional. I get it now.
Liquid Leggings are well, I have no clue. I see them and think why do I want to wear something that enhances the liquid that makes up the fat content in my legs? Liquid moves. It jiggles. Sloshes to be exact. So do my thighs. I see them and think this is the tar and feathered look but where is big bird. Somewhere a pot hole is missing its fillings. Oh, wait its multi-functional. I get it now.
Facebook has drove me nuts. I have over 300 friends an only 80 of them wished me happy birthday back in November. Why am I friends with these people? They never comment on my status. Plus, I have two people that post over and over. I walked up the stairs. I walked down the stairs. I walked back up the stairs. I tripped, fell down the stairs. Now I should go back up the stairs and call 911. For fucks sake, I just want to see the pictures and and read funny status updates. One guy was about half dead a couple of weeks ago. First his arm was going to fall off in 6 hours, then the doctor said he was lucky he had 24 hours and he could have gotten an infection and died. Holy shit, the world was ending on that Friday and the mother effer got a jump start is really how I felt about it! Ugh! Facebook isn't for every time you take a dump, every time you had a bad day and decide to cuss out the world, those feel sorry for me status updates five at a time, that you ripped off your toenail to the quick or that other people in your family seem to be fighting and its good gossip. Oh, wait its multi-functional. I get it now.
Naked children on a blog. I just somehow find it yuckola. Yeah, kids butts are cute. Every little crinkle you just wanna love it, squeeze it and call that fat ripple George, but seriously, if you think it's appropriate and then someone steals your kids photo to sell then your a dumbass and have no right to complain, plus your giving every pervert out there an outlet. Oh, I see your stats go up because some whackoff is observing your naked children in the sand. Oh, wait, that's screwed up. I don't get it.
Big Name Bloggers who are rude. News flash! This dumbshit right here is one of the many who passed along all of your names to read. News flash! One of this dumbshit's 300 plus followers probably led me to your blog and I keep reading it because well, it sometimes perhaps can be funny and you do have material that this dumbshit might want to twist, spin, turn and write about someday. But here's my deal. Just because you are somewhat a bag of chips, not everyone is all that. People spend money advertising on your blog so you can buy more Chevron and liquid leggings and 15 more trips to Ikea. Unless you have over 10,000 followers not counting feedburner, bloglovin, check here, check this box, yes or no follow me to Oz and back, if I leave you a comment, how about just saying, thank you, or bahaha, or maybe you have an auto response that says, "thank you for coming by and visiting such and such blog, right now I can't answer you because I am too busy asking the lady in the mirror who the fairest of them all is." Oh, wait your an asshole. I get it.
So there you have it. Some of my recap. I could go on and on! It's a new year. New material. New life. New beginnings. So let's have fun this 2013. You think it, I say it. Oh, wait, we are multi-functional. I get it now.